Bittersweet | GonKillu

Gaining x and x detaining

I was still in shock, he confessed to me? Killua Zoldyck confessed to the likes of me? Killua just looked at me for a reaction, smile dimming ever so slightly at my lack of response. I... I love Killua. But, not romantically, I'm sure. I don't want to do this. "... Killua.." I don't want to do this, ".... I'm... I'm...." I dont want to hurt him, "..... I'm sorry."

He paused stiff, processing what I said, "... What..?" He choked down quietly, and my mouth moved against my control, ".... I said I'm sorry Killua. I don't feel the same" Why am I saying this? His eyes dilated and his mouth moved but nothing came out. Noises of wordlessness came from there in jumbled whispers, but he was dumbfounded. His eyes slanted and the tears still streamed down his face, not happy anymore but accepting. Accepting a grim, unrequited love. He didn't say anything, just stared softly into my eyes.

"... No, Gon... I'm sorry... ok?" He said softly, almost motherly. He looked shut down, like he already accepted my reaction. "I shouldn't have forced myself to keep this a secret. I still love you Gon, but now I have what I needed to hear..." he said solemnly, "... I needed to hear you say that to move on" he choked out, smiling grimly. My heart strained at seeing him, his reaction, his face. What did I do? "..... Killu I- .... No, I.... still want you.." I said quietly, voice forced out from the fear suppressing my vocals. He just looked at me quietly, not responding but listening. ".... I want you. I want us. Can't... we just stay friends and have that...?" I say quietly, bringing my palm to his cold face.

He paused, mouth slightly open. ".... I... What...?" He said quietly, eyes looking around my face. He doesn't get it. I lean in and kiss him, wrapping my legs around his. He returned the kiss, and I pulled away, "... Killua I only want you. But... I want to not ruin our friendship. Ok..?" I said quietly, hands on his face cupping him in my embrace. He was silent, "But... you have a boyfriend don't you?" He said quietly, wrapping his arms quietly around my waist. I smiled softly, then stopped, "..... Killua.... he... well... him and I aren't working.... I'm...  going to break up with him..."

"You... are?" He smiled softly, and I nodded, "... yeah I found out he was.... doing something so, I can't be with him anymore..." I say, not revealing all what happened. ".... So why can't we be a couple then, Gon..? I love you..." he said quietly, a soft whine from him like a child. "... I would need time for that, Killu. I'm still not over him. But I want you neither the less, ok?" I say, bringing him into a hug. I made sure not to hug him hard because he still is injured. He smiled softly, accepting this as progress. We held eachother for a while, and I pulled back to admire his beautiful face. "Hm?" He pondered, looking at me with a small smile.

"... I never told you, but your beautiful Killu" I said, brushing my fingers against the side of his face against his hair pushing it out of his sight. He blushed softly and chuckled. I gave him a quick kiss on the nose and went back to just lovingly staring at him. "So what does this mean..?" He asked, "Like, being friends but... like a couple?" He was still a bit confused, but I nodded, "Well, like think of the stuff couples do, and..." I moved my left hand to his thigh, ".. we can do it." He shivered and I moved my hand back up, seeing his still uncomfortable. ".. We don't have to do that yet though. We can just kiss" I say, compromising with him so even though he's still not over what happened with his brother I can still be as intimate as I can be.

"... Ok. Just, don't go to far... I'm not ready for that, ok? No taking advantage" he warned quietly, and I chuckled, "Come on, I'm your best friend I would never, Killu" I smile and he inhales softly and nods, ".. Ok. Then this might work" he said, kissing me softly. He never initiates- huh. I kiss back, the warmth of our lips welcoming eachother. I want his taste, so I lick gently at his lips. He denies me, but I try again. He then sighs and lets me in. I hummed in delight and wrapped my arms around his neck as we kissed. Our tongues dancing in sync, a wonderful choreographed waltz which made me feel more expectant of him. He had his arms around my waist and held me close as he enjoyed what I was doing.

But then the door opened and Canary stepped in with some Starbucks and froze. We stopped, and I turned around quickly to look at her with a squeak. Killua was absolutely embarrassed and hid under the blanket, and I gulped quietly looking at Canaey and sat up. She was just silent, placed down the starbucks bags and went back to leaving. "W-wait Canary! It's not what it seems!" I exclaimed, a whine coming out of my throat as a testimony.

"It looks like you guys were in the middle of tongue fighting- Yeah no it's exactly what I saw" she said, not amused. "Whaaaa- Canary don't tell anyone--" I whine, and Killua poked his head out of the blanket, "Don't tell my baby sister- ok? It wasn't going anywhere-" Killua stuttered out rubbing the back of his neck and looking away in shame. "I won't. But Killua... didn't I tell you NOT to do this with Gon?" "W-well yeah but-"

"No buts. Nobody platonically makes out with their best friends. And no shit are you two going to be buddies with benefits. Hell no" She sternly said, and I pouted, "Why not-?" "Well- first of all, I don't exactly trust you right now Gon. Secondly, Killua does not need to be emotionally abused. Thirdly, even though you guys are cute togeather, you two are not healthy together. I wont have Killua suffer because of you, Gon. I thought that originally you just didn't know what you were doing to Killua, but after the hospital incident and party thing I saw a side of you that was toxic. I'm as equal of a friend to you as I am to Killua. And right now I'm on his side." She defended, and Killua looked down guiltily.

".... You can't just stop what we both want, Canary- Your not our mother" I huff out, hugging Killua to me protectively. He's mine, I don't want to loose him is all. "... Fine. One chance, then I'm telling Killua's family." Killua immediately froze up in sheer mortification, his body literally tensing up in complete terror of his brother's wrath. His skin felt cold and he quivered slightly.

"... You wouldn't dare, Canary" I said protectively, and she was unfazed, "I'll protect Killua from his family, but his family will keep him from you. I swore on my position as his butler to do anything to protect him and the Zoldyck family, even against his will. That means even against those he loves"

I would never hurt him.

Right...?