Bittersweet | GonKillu

Pain x and x gain

Ok. I'm making out with my best friend. This is normal, right-?

He gently placed his hand on my back, and I put my hand on the back of his neck. I pulled away quietly to catch breath and he just stared at me softly. I glanced around his face for any signs of answer, but there was a look in his eyes that surprised me. I couldnt put my finger on it though, but it is there.

He then lifted me onto his lap, and I gasped quietly and looked away at the wall. He's just being handsy, why am I so uncomfortable? No, I'm probably overreacting. "... So", I said quietly, and he just admiring me. "What's up?" He said, pulling my hips closer. "Oh nothing, just uh.. . Do... you forgive me?" I said, slighty nervous. He looked confused for a second, then nodded, "Oh that's right, I forgot- No i.... I shouldn't have called you a... well you know" He said quietly, regret was audible in his tone.

"... I was being a jerk, I'm sorry Gon. Your my best friend, I care about you so much" he apologized, but for some reason that didnt make the feeling go away from my chest. Why do I feel life this well... position, is exposing? I sit on his lap when there aren't any other seats or when I want him to loose a video game, but now it feels... something else. I looked at his slightly rosey toned face, a soft expression resting on his features. I quietly just hugged him, hiding my face over his shoulder, and held him close. I want something like this to happen, or more, but... maybe not with him. I still have a crush on Chat, it would be... wrong.

And I'm not just a fanboy, me being Ladybug and his partner, I have more time with him then anyone else. I love Killua yes, but I didnt expect my first kiss kiss to be with him. Maybe, yeah maybe this is just platonic. Yeah, that would be it. He wouldnt actually like me, he couldnt. I've known him for 9 years, this is platonic. I smiled to myself now, wrapping my legs around his waist like a hug.

Killuas's POV:

.... Wow that was a lot, he kissed me. My crush kissed me. I kissed back. He's on my lap, hugging me. My body was still frozen, processing what just happened. No, he cant like me Back- but, on the hope he does... I smile like a giddy little kid and hug him close. He noticed and nuzzled into my neck.

"Hey Gon uh, so does this mean..?" I said quietly, hopeful even though I'm sure it's too good to be true. ".. That I forgive you for being a jerk? Yes, yes I do." He giggled, and I sighed, no Gon that's not what I meant. "Gon I mean like, is.... does this..." I said sheepishly, trying to say what I mean without exposing myself. ".... No Killua, this is just as friends dont worry." He said quietly, as if to reassure us both.

..... Oh. Of course. He doesnt love me back. I deserve that. "... Y-yeah ok" I say quietly, hiding the disappointment and hurt in my voice as tiredness. Then... Then this is so wrong. I don't want to lead him on.... He likes me, yes, but... not me. If he doesnt like me for me, then.... maybe he doesnt actually like Cat Noir. Or maybe I'm just that unlikable with my name associated with me, that he somewhere... deep in his heart... finds me disgusting.

I'm a freak, nobody could love Killua Zoldyck. Everyone all adores Cat Noir, and not even that version of me is that well liked, they all love Ladybug. Maybe if Cat Noir disappeared, they would care. Or maybe not. There are other miraculous. Ladybug is fully capable of de-evilizing villains on his own. I respect Ladybug, and if I didnt already love Gon, I'd get feelings for him too. But, since I'm stuck with being in love with my best friend, I can't find myself to love another. And now Gon does not love me back, I feel empty. My reason to live just vanished, the floor under my feet was swept away.

... He wouldn't miss me, nobody would. Not even Alluka. Or Kalluto. Or even Canary. My parents would be happy I'm gone. My brothers don't give a shit about me, other then to hurt me. Nobody cares. Not even Gon. My eyes slanted down quietly, I dont desurve him. I dont desurve this. I dont desurve life.

Gon's POV:

I felt Killua slightly tremble, is he alright? Did I hurt his feelings? .. or is what happened still affecting him? I gently put my hands on his back and softly rubbed circles on his shoulder blades. "... Shhh" I say quietly, and I heard him stir and I pushed him back a bit to look at his face. He looked so, dim.. Aw poor baby.

I placed my hands on his cheeks and put my forehead against his, "... I'll always protect you Killu. Your my best friend" He flinched at the last two words and solemnly looked down. I sighed and backed away, maybe he needs time alone. I quietly back out and notice that there is a Akumatized person on the news! Shit- I'm sorry Killua but it's going to be a while! I quietly hurry to the bathroom, transform and sneak out the window to the roof. Dang it, I really need to be here for Killua- but eh.

I looked around and no Chat, well maybe he's already there- I nod to myself and stealthily follow the villain.

After I finished, it was more work then normal- Chat didnt show up. That's weird... he always shows up. I quietly sit on the roof of a random building, but out of the corner of my eye I saw Killua staring out of a window from my room- oh shit I forgot about him- I'm just going to check in on him.

I swing over to my roof, and secure my yoyo to a pipe, then I hang upside down and drop down to meet face to face with Killua in my hero persona, "Hi!" I chiped at him, and he jumped backwards with a gasp of surprise. I giggle at that, and he sighs then approaches the window, "What do you want?" He said slightly a annoyed to see me. Ah yes, he basically find me as a burden in this form. I try to protect Killua sometimes when Chat isnt around, but Killua just doesn't want to deal with my constant protectiveness. It's not my fault he attracts bad people.

"I'm here to check in up on my favorite civilian!" I say with a smile, turning right side up hanging onto my yoyo still but looking at Killua. He rolled his eyes, "Yeah sure, I dont have time for this though." He mumbled, and I huffed- He should feel safe around me! "But Killua- come on let me protect you for once" I whine in slight annoyance, but he hummed in disapproval, "Never, Strawberry"

"Strawberry?" I question, and he nodded with a smirk, "Yeah you look like a strawberry, you should change your name there, bugaboo." I gasped, "H e y- I'm a ladybug not a damn fruit" He chuckled, "Doesnt seem that way to me sir" I rolled my eyes playfully, I guess in some ways hes still my best friend with or without the suit.

"So what's the real reason for you coming here, hm?" He questioned, looking at me with a eyebrow raised. "Stalking me at my best friends house too?" "Pff no- I'm here because I saw your head peeking out. Silly" I tease, and he chuckled, "Yeah sure." I whine, "But that really is why though-" We shared a chuckle and I looked at him, "Gonna let me in hm?" I ask, and he backs away and let's me in.

Almost as is this was normal, I sat on my bed and Killua sat next to me. Maybe if I can't talk to him as me, maybe I can protect him behind a mask.