Bittersweet | GonKillu

Memories x and x hiding

After slowing down, my suddenly severe lack of breath caught up with me. I dry heaved desperately for air, lungs begging with a moist throbbing burn of a pain. My eyes watered at this, and my throat rasped. But, despite that I choked down a gulp of air and my mind was set on going inside. But as I stared at the front door, horrendous memories came flooding back into my head. Times of when I tried to run away from home when I was 5 or 6 to only have my mother rope me back in and bruise my neck for attempting to disobey her. Why am I here again? Oh- Right... for Alluka. My feet felt as heavy as the depths of the sea as with all my mental and physical strength I picked one foot up and placed it nearer to the door in a slow forced step. I gulped a bit and slowly but steadily approached the door: the menacing aura around this whole place not subsidizing even slightly.

How did I not die here? Thousands of questions entered my already light headed mind as my hand hazily grabbed for the ice cold door knob. My heart was tolling loudly in my head, my ears filled with the voices of caution that usually keep me safe. This is a bad idea, this is a really bad idea. But... through sheer determination to find my sister, my hand grasped firmly around the knob and managed to open the handle. The door wasn't as heavy as I remembered, for it swung open forbodingly letting in the cool breeze of air conditioning onto my warmed moist skin. A eerie shiver raced down my spine in a shock, and I couldn't help but to quake as I placed my feet inside the inner walls of this hell-scape.

As time seemed to slow down due to my now overactive fight or flight response, I saw a glint of a familiar skirt peek out from beyond the living room wall closing off the entry from the big room. My heart jumpstarted in alertness as I quickly overcame the anxiety in a burst of adrenaline and bursted over to the wall to look at whomever it was. A small porcelain face looked at mine, a face of shock and confusion present and obvious. The smaller child dropped the laundry basket they were carrying and rushed to me. In automatic response I jumped back but the child clung to me still, desperately trying to make sure I wasn't just a figment of their imagination. Wait-.... Kalluto?

".... K-killua! I thought you- Mum said that- but... Your here!" He choked out, fresh tears dotting his soft magenta eyes. After a second of recovery, I hugged my younger brother close, him being a couple feet smaller than me: being 11 years old while I'm 15. He sniffled in disbelief as he clutched to my sodden with sweat hoodie, and I stroked his astral black doll-like hairstyle. I placed a kiss on his forehead, I swear- I'll protect my little siblings. I pulled him aside and looked around the room- all clear. I leaned down close to his ear and whispered, "Kalluto- I'm just here for a... visit. Ok? To get your older sister and... say hello to the... oldest Male sibling" I say, patting his head lovingly before standing back straight. He pouted, "Your...leaving again? But... Mum won't let you leave..!" He whined, and I sighed. I can't respond to that.

I give a somehow farewell nod to the little boy in a skirt, and set my sharp gaze upon The stairs. I call them The stairs because when I was little, my other older brother Milluki pushed me down the stairs: all 40 steps. I blacked out at the bottom, and broke my nose with a fractured jaw as my chin had collided violently with a wooden step corner. I shivered, and slowly made my way up. There were lies framed in pictures on the walls, of a happy family. They made us pose for those. I grimace, they deliberately left out Alluka because they think she is a mistake and thinks she is what she isn't. They are the mistakes... My mood was only going downhill from here, any trace of glee I retained from embracing my little brother has left my body like a breath- my body tensed as I got to the top of the stairs.

The five doors were all evenly spaced apart from each other, one of the doors perfectly aligned with the opening of the staircase. I stepped on the expensive but soul-stealing carpet, a dull gray under me. My body was overcome with the painful bittersweet childhood I left behind, playing tag with Alluka and Kalluto, when my parents were actually.. ok.  That was so long ago. I was 6 when she started drinking. Then dad started to cheat, which made her drink more. Then, she took out her anger on Alluka- I defended her. She beat me for it, protecting my baby sister. But atleast... she stopped hurting Alluka. She was too young to remember, I couldn't let her and Kalluto know the truth about our family, so I only said I got roughed up at school. Not like it wasn't true, but.. I know it was. As long as they are safe, I don't care how I was treated.

My mind snapped back, as I saw the door knob from the middle door turned, and a jolt of energy sparked in my heart,  I darted quickly to the bathroom, diving in and slamming the door closed with a lock. My heart rate spiked, that's Illumi's room. Steps echo'd through the hall, then paused. A heavy aura of menace leaked through under the door, freezing me like a statue against the locked door stiffly. My senses grew overactive, I could hear the slight shuffle of feet turning towards the bathroom door. My heart dropped. Someone approached the door and the knob rattled softly, in sudden spaced out attempts to open it.

I gulped heavily, who the fuck is this..-?