Bittersweet | GonKillu

Peeking x and x melting

I hug my beloved close to me, and Killua mumbled to himself about personal space. I kissed his nose and sighed, "Personal space? With me? Nah" I coo, close to his ear. He shivered quietly and pushed me away softly, "A-alright I'm leaving- got to um... go get clean real quick in the shower" he excused quietly, and I froze, "... ok. For what?" I ask quietly, and he looked at me with a confused face as if it was obvious, ".. to be clean for later-?" He said dumbfoundedly, and I rolled my eyes, "I dunno- you might just leave out of the window" I sighed, and hugged Killua from behind, warning a gasp from him, ".. I love you my Killu" I hum quietly, and he clears his throat, ".... bye" he said, and I let go and let him go to the bathroom. I stared at the door. It was slightly cracked open.

I heard the faucet turn on and water faintly fall in the other room, and a minute or two later I heard the disturbance in the water signaling he's taking his shower. Oh he forgot to get fresh clothes- I skip over to his drawer and pick out some shorts and a tank top, fold them nicely and hold them against my chest securely as I knock on the door, "I got your clothes ready-" I announced, and a alarmed noise from the shower was heard as I heard him slip but catch himself since I heard no thud, "UH JUST PLACE IT ON THE TOILET BOWL-" he shouted, off guard. I shrugged and entered the room, placing the clothes neatly on the bowl and went back out. But, as I went I looked behind for a peek. ... it wouldn't hurt, right?

I saw the back of Killua, whole back exposed and window of the shower all fogged and misted up. I could hear a low hum as he sung to himself in the shower. Water dripped off all the parts of his body, his hair now a moist silver color slicked back by the running water going across his face and back. My eyes soaked in every distant detail of his back, even through farness and mist. This was more then enough to bring a dark redness to my face, and more then enough to arouse me. I slapped myself- BAD- a sigh excaped my lips as I respected my best friends privacy and exited the room, disappointment soon settled in when I realized I only saw his back. Awe.. well once he's under me tonight, I'll have a close up on his real beauty. A hopeful hum twirled out of my lips, mind fantasizing about exploring all his curves and edges, and hearing him sing more then just melodies to me...

I slapped myself again- he's my best friend! I'm not a pervert! I respect him, and will NOT think dirty of my best friend! I take out my phone and play minecraft to take my mind off my thirst. I never was like this... what happened? A lot changed... I got more... posessive. My eyes slant. I know what's wrong with me: a lot. I hate that I make him uncomfortable. I hate that he feels like he needs to avoid me. I truly love him with all my heart. ".... Killua... I'm sorry..." I mutter out to myself, wanting him to somehow hear me and forgive me for being such a douch.

My arms gripped around my phone, I'm just like my old boyfriend. Controlling. Toxic. My eyes tear up, welling with water threatening to spill. A whimper escaped my mouth, I'm such a monster. My lips quivered in shame, I just want him to love me.... when did I become such a beast? I should just respect Killua's boundaries, show him the pure love and affection he needs right now to heal still... I'm scared. I'm scared that he will find out my old intentions and hate me. I don't want to loose him like my dad. He never wanted me. I choked down my emotions, and I heard the water shut off and Killua I assume was getting dried off.

I shouldn't do anything to hurt him... I don't want to. I was about to go threw with a mistake that would cost me my world: his love for me. I don't want him to leave me. I need Killua. I sniffled quietly screen I my face to hide my hideous miniature breakdown. Shit... I'm ugly. A sniff a few more times as Killua walks out of the bathroom all dressed, drying his white hair with a towel. My eyes glanced over my phone as our eyes locked, I looked away sharply in shame, and Killua was silent. He knows.

After a minute of silence, Killua sat down next to me and I gultiily put my head the other way to state a hole into the wall. ".... Hey uh Gon" he started, and I tried my best not to engage. He's going to hit me. Just like my old boyfriend. "... Listen uh... I c-could tell you were checking me out slightly..." he said unreadablely, and my heart sank, "I-im sorry ok-!! I won't ever again-" I say in a panic, tears dotting my eyes once more in fear. He paused, then pushed down my phone and sat infront of me. I still anxiously stared at the wall, but then he pulled my chin to look at his face.

I whined softly, our faces were close. "It's fine I guess- d-dont worry." He sighed out, looking away with a deep blush. I gulped, ".... Killua" I choked out. My heart was beating in a marathonic pace, insides are doing a full 360 within me. What is this feeling? "I-im sorry K-killua... I'm s-such a bad person... y-you shouldn't love me... Y-you can be with C-ciel... im... f-fine alone" I choked out with a forced smile and Killua looked at me blankly. I know he should hate me. Absolutely he has every right to. But... I want him to love me even though. I don't want to loose him. He's all I have left. ".... Gon. Your right" he said soflty

.... W-what...?