Bittersweet | GonKillu

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His pale body layed in the pristine white sheet, crumpled up at the sides of his perfect body. His head covered in bandages, face still visible. Peaks of his ivory hair escaped through the cracks, keeping his marshmallow like charm. What am I doing? Sitting down next to him, in his hospital room. I haven't left since I woke up in here, when I got here I dont remember: a blur. I remember rage overtaking me, and my mind gazing over.

Aunt Mito took me here, with him. She said I fought the doctors to be by his side the whole time, in the ambulance, and even to the emergency room doors. I gazed down upon my bruised hands, its confusing why that if they are doctors and help people, why they didnt bandage me up too, from banging my fists on the metal door separating me from my Killua. ... after that, I'm here. Holding his cold IV'd hand, his soft skin felt like that of porcelain; like he was a doll.

An empty feeling still was in me, like I'm watching this happen in 3rd person. My eyes dark and dull, body heavy. I rubbed killuas hand, he hasn't woken up yet. The doctors wont tell me what's wrong. He's fine, right?

"Gon Freecss" a voice said behind me, and a female doctor walked behind me with a stern hand on my back, "Visiting times are over, come again tomorrow. Its 11pm" She warned, and I stood still, and shoved her hand off aggressively while keeping my composure, "... I'm not leaving him. Never again" I say solemnly, going back to rubbing shapes with my thumb onto his hand. ".. Are you his brother?" She asked quietly, and I stood silent.

"No, I'm his best friend." I mutter out, staring at his pale face that I used to love so much. "Oh, sorry. You just seem so overprotective, I thought you two were family." She said in reply, and I froze. Wait, his family. Dont they care if he's injured?

".. do you know if any other guests are in line to see Killua?" I ask placidly, and she nodded, "Oh, a person named Alluka Zoldyck." My head shot up at the name, wait Killua's sick baby sister? The one I'm second to? "Is she here?" I question, and she shrugged, "Yes, but-" "take her here. Now" I order, a bit of my pent up rage dripped out. She gulped and left the room. Alluka. Never met her. Killua always speaks so highly of her, I wonder why, that she's above me.

As I heard the door open, I heard small steps into the room. I turn my head to see a little girl in a dress, around 13. Her big baby blue eyes were wide with concern, small perfect lips trembling. Her black hair was a perfect contrast to Killua's, long and has bangs. She seemed a bit shorter then me, I looked at her for a moment before she shyly approached the bed.

"... Is..  that... Big... brother..?" Her small voice trembled in fear, and I stared at her vulnerable face. Mine softened, if I make her scared, Killua wont ever forgive me. If she is above me in his love, then I'll treat her like a angel. I smiled warmly at her, and put my hand on her shoulder. She looked at me and studied my face, then she gasped quietly, "Wait, are you big brother's friend?" Alluka asked, her eyes softening with a slight excitement. I nodded, and looked over at Killua.

"Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you, Killuas little princess" I say to her indirectly, staring at Killua's pale face. She giggled and replied, "Princess! That's what big brother calls me!" She smiled softly with her eyes closed, and I got up and set a chair next to me for her to sit in, and she gladly sat down. "How long is big brother going to be sleepy?" She asked innocently, and I paused. What do I say?

".. Soon, Alluka dear. Soon I hope" is all that can escape from my faltering smile. She tilted her head to the side in a cute confusion, "hm? You hope? What happened to big brother?" She inquired curiously. He saw me and my girlfriend and tripped down the stairs. But I can't say that, Alluka then would ask why he reacted that way, and I'd have to say what her and I were doing. Alluka would never forgive me, "Oh he just slipped, no big deal. Don't slip!" I joke around with a light laugh, and she returns one. I'm starting to even fool myself that he's fine.

"Hey Gon-kun, do you love big brother?" She asked curiously, but a sense of maturity was in her voice as if she sobered up. I froze at that, Love? "... Yes. He is my best friend" "no no no- I mean, do you love him, silly!" She giggled, and I stiffened, "... I have a girlfriend, Alluka." I said quietly, feeling guilty. I only am with Hannah because I can't be with Cat Noir. He is a superhero, and I dont even know his real identity. And plus, I need a way to release my pent up sexual frustration.

".... oh.." She replied sadly, her eyes dimming a bit as a small pout recided on her lips. She looked at Killua, and so did I. A while had passed before anybody spoken, when Alluka said, ".... He loves you." I burrow my brows, what did she say-? "What?" I question, if this isnt a joke then I'm confused as fuck. "... Big brother is in love with you" she stated sadly, and I froze to process that. What-?? No- i- that's cant be-! ... He cant love me, I- .... No Alluka is just...  just confused. "Alluka dear, he loves me like his brother. Not romantically" I reply, and she shook her head a bit offended, "Noooo big brother is head over heels for you! He always talks about you at home! About your scent, feel, smile, all your little habits! Gon, if you haven't noticed then your dense!" She blurted out, and I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out.

He can't love me. He can't. He's too late. I have a girlfriend. If he loves me then... God I've fucked up so badly.