Bittersweet | GonKillu

Boundaries x and x mistakes

Gon's POV:

I finished up chatting with the girls, and picked up a couple danishes from the warming rack swiftly as I descend upstairs. With a danish pastry in my mouth, I cimb into my room and notice Killua lazily on the beanbag. I smile and plopped down next to him, handing the uneaten danish into his hands. He looked at me with a chuckle and we munched on the snack.

"So Killua- when is our date? Hour or so? Half a hour? Now?" I persist, not letting him finish chewing. After he did so he responded, "Sometime whenever you want to- it's your birthday" "Oh that's no fun- I want you to choose! That's the point! I get a date and you get to choose!" I huff, apparently he didn't get the point of him just choosing and I get a kiss afterwards. He chuckled nervously, "Sorry- well, how about later? Like around 7 since it's open around 6:50? In the mean time though... uh... movie?" He pondered to himself.

I hummed at that, getting a idea. It is my birthday- so... "Well, how about we cuddle? I'm feeling kind of cold- and you look nice and toasty!" I purr, slowly turning over to hug on Killua's chest. He chuckled softly and pet my head, "... Hey Gon uh... I have a question" he said quietly, sounding more serious. I dont like it when he does that, "Yeah? What's up Killu" I say, looking up upon his angelic face. He scrunched his brows as he thought for the words, scared blue eyes avoiding mine.

"Speak to meee-" I whine, pinching his cheeks and pulling. He complained and I stopped, "Ok, ok- look- could we... w-we... uh... mm.." he gulped and stopped, murmuring to himself about how awful of a person he sounds. I think I know what he was trying to say... but I'm going to push a little more to make sure, "What do you desire, hm?" I inquire fishingly, and he groaned in complaint of my persistence. Oh come on Killua... Just say it. "It's not that hard to ask, is it?" I question at him, and he still fumbled with his words like he was playing and losing a game of scrabble in his mind.

My face tensed in frustration, why can't this boy just ask- "Killua spit it out or I'll speak to for you" I confront, and he just whimpers in fear of what to say. I'm about to loose it, "Killua- speak now or forever hold your piece. This is your last chance to say it." I say sternly, not taking any of his crap anymore. He gulped and lifted my chin up to look at his face. Oh he just wants to look at me- ok. I sigh and sit up straight and look into his eyes. Our pupils met, and locked perpetually in a captivity. I bring my brows up, encouraging him to speak. Actually more like, 'if you dont speak I give up on you' but whatever-

"... ehhhh whatever Its not important" he stammered out, not brave enough. A large heavy irritated sigh compressed out if my lungs, and I pulled him close to my face by his collar. He glanced over my face with confused and intimidated eyes, I just leaned in and pressed my lips gently against his. He recognized quickly and leaned into it, enjoying the reciprocation of the feeling. This might as well become a hobby, this adrenaline can get you as euphoric as it can get. The thrill, longing for that feeling of accomplishment and acceptance gained from this intimacy.

I want more of it, a deeper richer flavor of him. Of us. I want to show him that I want him. My hands draw to his hips and pull him closer. He put his hands gently on my back. We fell into a flow of movement, both desiring to get closer. I slightly brush my tongue against his lips, and he parts slightly, inviting me. I enjoy his submission and I could taste his sweet milk chocolate taste, like valentines day chocolate. We were locked in a dance, but I wanted to advance. I slowly drag my hand lower on his hips eventually to his thighs, trailing my fingers across his inside thighs teasingly and he paused, and pulled back from me hesitantly, "... Wait- no... that's wrong, Gon..." he murmured out quietly, and out of spite I bring them back up. Why doesn't he want to? It's only a bit farther... just a little.

His guilt filled eyes look at mine, taking in my features, "... we're just friends, Gon. You always say that. So don't try and start this... don't start a battle without preparing for the war." He said solemnly, looking away from me in a bitter guilt. He looked uneasy, like this was reminding him of something. But I just want him... Friends can do this, right? "But Killua, we can- I want to be intimate, and your obviously interested." I say, clear as day of my point of view.

His cheeks brightened as his voice rose in alarm, "Nooo?? What do you mean-? I'm not interested-" He defended, and to prove my point I kissed him again, him not shoving me away or anything. I pull back, point proven. "See? You do want me. You want us. You can have that, this is a literal offer Killua..." I say quietly, not sure how he'll answer to my offer. A gulp sounded from him, and he avoided my eyes hastily. "... Gon we can't, ok? I'm not ready for that." He said quietly, not wanting to seem stern. He's being pretty hypocritical- "But your acting like you want it-" "GON IM A MESS, OK? L-look I'm sorry just..." he croaked, looking into my eyes nervously, "... I can't get what happened out of my mind and I don't want to ruin us by rushing.."

I paused. Oh right, he was... "... I forgot- I honestly though you wanted-" I said, realizing what I did unknowingly. He just exhaled and hugged himself comfortingly, ".... It's fine... ok? It doesn't matter... You can do whatever... I don't want to make this more awkward.." he murmured, guilt lineing his voice. Well, I got permission but... he is just doing this out of pity. "... I'm sorry. I went too far and now you just pity me... I don't want to do this if you feel forced." I reply honestly, and he huffed emotionally, "I WANT to ok??? Just... later... please...." He huffed and hugged my chest close and sniffled into it. "... I don't want to lose you." He murmured. I slanted my eyes and gently stoked his back.

".... I'm sorry I made you feel pressured" I say quietly, apologizing for bringing something up in him. He didnt respond and only hugged me close.

Did I push too far?