thoughts & feelings

confidant

we were both so drunk
the night of Halloween
and you said to me
"maybe we could just get married,
you and me"
so you got down on one knee,
plucked a strand of grass from the dirt below,
and took my hand.

i stumbled down,
still holding your hand
dragging us both to the ground.
we were giggling, sweet, sweet messes,
and even though our visions blurred,
we somehow tied the grass around our fingers
it wouldn't last,
just like us, i suppose,
but we didn't mind,
at least it would symbolise something, right?
plus, who needs fancy rings?

but then, we were both sober
just a couple nights later
in the flat we shared together
i pulled my guitar out,
and started strumming wonderwall
it was our song, afterall.

but you stopped me,
told me to sing one i wrote,
and, cause id be anything for you
i sang the song i wrote about our lives about how i need you, not a husband or a wife,
about how every night we spend together is oh-so-fantastic.

we spent every night together after that
and even when you went away
to stay in some foreign land
i still felt your essence in my brain,
despite the distance,
the warmth of your hand holding onto mine.

but you came back for Christmas,
so we could spend it together
and we broke a Christmas cracker,
you won;
you broke away first
- but maybe i should stop looking at it that way.

from the Christmas cracker that broke,
you got me a new ring
not from grass,
but this time plastic
maybe it would make us last longer?
but you went away again,
and i started falling apart

when you returned
i had let our house fall into disarray
you were mad,
so mad,
i had let myself go,
your essence, too,

when i finally washed my tear-stained face,
the ring fell down the drain,
your essence went down there, too
i still don't feel clean,
even to this day.