thoughts & feelings

hypocrite

i know im a hypocrite
i claim to dislike co-dependency
yet they're gone for not even twenty minutes,
and here i am,
crumbling in self despair
letting myself rot away
until they come back
which, inevitably, they will
they just dont have time for me constantly
which is normal, and fine
totally fine
i dont care that they arent here
its fine
im fine
everythings fine

but fuck it, its not
it genuinely hurts
theres a pain in my chest when i think about them
and think about the 5,000 miles
that push out the distance between us
and try and put the worry to the back of my head
that there will be someone closer
that they'll like more than me
but its fine
im fine
im not a hypocrite,
and im not codependent
i wish i wasnt