thoughts & feelings

secrets

i know i shouldnt do this
but please, im gonna lose it,
i really need something to cut deep in my skin

i know its been a month
and you think its been a year
but its not that simple

im sorry i didnt tell you
and i cant reach out now
cant just lie,
"its been a year"
need to tell you the truth
but the truth is

that im here contemplating
taking my life away from you
and i cant reach out now
cant tell you im hurt
cant tell you im sad
cause you were probably sad first
i cant say any of the words i want to say

so I'll reach out to no one again
ask the strangers again
ask them to tell me how to feel
ask to tell me that im real

i wish i could tell you everything
but you don't even tell me anything
so i guess we'll keep keeping secrets
like we said we never would
like i wish we never did

i dont even know how you are
i want to ask you everything
but i cant

"have you dumped him yet? or are you playing pretend?"
"do you like someone?"
"or will i find out when youre dating them?"

are we really best friends?
can we just please start again?
and i wish i could tell you everything
but you don't even tell me anything
so i guess we'll keep keeping secrets
again

do you remember when we were eleven?
inseparable from the beginning
did everything together,
didnt ever spend a second apart

met you in that old classroom,
you had scars like mine
i tried to help you,
wish we could turn back time
but i know neither of us had done that for a while

and i wish i could tell you everything
but you don't even tell me anything
so i guess we'll keep keeping secrets
like we've done for a while

i do wish i could tell you something
but i dont know how
so i guess you'll just find out from someone else
like i always do with you