thoughts & feelings

causes and correlations

i wish my mum had refused
when i asked to see you that very first time
because, if i think about it,
thats all it would've taken to save me
from 'frustration and hurt
further down the line'

i wish i had gone to sleep
or not answered you
continued to make up a playlist
of sick and twisted love songs
and listened to it,
while analysing how every single song makes me feel,
instead of seeing your name pop up on my screen,
and feeling my heart skip two beats.

i wish i hadn't told you i even liked anyone
it was an indirect cause,
but theres still slight correlation
because if we hadn't had that conversation
i wouldnt be here,
writing about you, like this.

im sure i would be over it by now
instead of letting my feelings manifest into thoughts
and still feeling my heart move in a way its not supposed too when you text.

but instead of feeling it flutter and fly,
i see you,
and i feel my heart sink and die
i cant wait to get to that bittersweet point
when i see you
and feel nothing at all

i wish my mum had refused
when i first asked to see you
because,
although its an indirect cause
theres still correlation
and a pretty strong one, too
i just wish she had refused.