thoughts & feelings

the day you died

the day i lost you
i lost something inside of me, too
i hadnt realised it yet,
at that moment i found out
maybe because i hadnt come to terms with losing you yet
or because it didnt feel real enough
it wasnt something that felt like it could be a possibility
that one day,
i would have been remembering you
longer than i had ever known you
or that even though youd make fun of me
for being just 4 months younger than you
now I'll forever be older
and that it'll never change
that while you lie there,
forever frozen at thirteen,
ill be ageing still, without you;
i turned 14 without you
then 15, 16, 17
then 18
and knew that if you were still here,
this would be when youd be able to see your dad again
you missed him so much, when you were here
all you wanted to do was see him, and talk to him
and it pains me to know that neither you or him
got to say goodbye
and that i never will
and i have to live the rest of my life
continuing what you couldve been doing now
growing older, finding people i love,
living my life,
all without you
and now its almost been 5 years
and the day you died,
the part of me i lost inside
is still remaining with you,
because when you died, i did too
and im not sure how much longer i can live without you