thoughts & feelings

you make me feel safe

i couldnt even start to put into words
how much you really mean to me
im awful at saying how i feel,
expressing myself and everything that comes along with it
never knowing the right thing to say in the moment
i could have a million different things running through my head
all about you,
how happy you make me,
how much you mean to me
how safe you make me feel
how lucky i am to have you
and how still shocked i am
that you really want me
when you could have anyone on this earth
you still chose me
but when im in the moment,
and youre holding me close to you
i still get nervous,
i dont know what to say
but at the same time, i feel at peace
a feeling of a safety,
knowing i can trust you
and knowing how open i can be with you,
that its going to be okay
as long as im here with you

yet i still cant express these words to you in a normal way
ive written borderline essays about you
hidden in my notes
i could write enough poems to make a book
dedicated entirely to you
and yet, somehow,
when i want to tell you all these things
i freeze up, and overthink it

but the truth is,
you mean more to me than the universe itself
i would give up anything youd ask me to,
just to see my favourite smile
on my favourite face
thats your smile, on your face
if you didnt know
i feel like you need reminding sometimes

and even though ive never been an overly clingy person
or someone thats even slightly dependent on anyone
ive never been the type of person that'll wait all day
just for a text to come through,
or want to see you every single day
when im with you, its different
its like all my time is begging to be around you
and hours apart feels like centuries
and i sit waiting, staring at my phone
and still jump when you text me
i still get all excited and flustered,
and reply almost immediately
its just something about you,
that heals the part of me
that was forced to never need anyone
but if I'm being honest,
i dont think I'll ever not need you