thoughts & feelings

us

it all just builds up
all the yelling
the screaming
the fighting
the constant arguments
having to go out of my way to fix it
seeking constant validation,
yet never being able to receive it

how lonely i am
deep down
i know i have friends,
i know people,
just not enough
never enough
its a deep void of loneliness
doomed to be forever empty

they think im clean
they all do
but no matter how clean you get,
you still miss it
and it builds up
until you cant take it anymore
if you think about it,
i was never really clean
just waiting for it to build up
to justify another relapse
and keep it a secret, hope no one finds out

all you do cut me down again
make me think im better off dead
its okay though,
ill still love you
until i find a better way to waste my time
I'll still tell you i love you,
even if i dont think you ever did
maybe you do?
but it seems unlikely, because
is this really how you would treat someone you love?

i dont think youd even treat someone you didnt love like this
i mean, i dont love me,
and i still treat myself better than you ever did.
but i still loved you,
until i found a better way to ruin myself