thoughts & feelings

fresh concrete

everything happened so long ago
the trauma i went through
is no longer physically here to haunt me
so what do i have to be sad about?
theres nothing there,
for fucks sake-
theres nothing there!
im not being actively abused
no ones taking advantage of me anymore
i left that,
its gone
so what do i have to be sad about?
why isnt happy the same as healing?
why cant it work that way?
why did trauma not leave the same time i did?
i cant talk about anything
because theres nothing to dwell on, its all gone
but somehow, i find it comforting
i find a subtle peace in being so ill
looking down, seeing scars
im not the same without them
i look different
and i cant have the scars without the trauma
thats not how it works!
ill whisper, and my whisper will turn to screaming
'what do you have to be sad about?'