What if...? || Markhyuck

-74-

[july 2021]

[isabelle]

I thought for a long time about inviting Hyuck to my place. This was associated with a number of inconveniences. I had to admit that Marco does not live with me at all, that he simply rented a flat because he's not able to share one space with someone else. Living permanently with a woman who has had dozens of guys between legs is unacceptable. And the fact that he forced me to do it himself was not an argument. Good thing it still is convenient for him to come overnight and after fucking me, announce that Tony is coming on Tuesday so that I have to be polite and not sulk. The hematomas after Esposito's visit did not seem to impress him anymore. What mattered was that business was going well and the fact that they both had both kept the dogs in the basement was still a mystery. At this point, I didn't know what disgusted me more - their falsehood or my lack of self-respect and the courage to stop it.

"How pathetic is that?" I asked brunet when, after a few glances at the apartment, he was able to judge everything himself and come to the truth. This is probably what I liked the most about Donghyuck - that nothing needed to be hidden as he knew everything anyway. It was something forced by working conditions and a little bit by life in spite of everything. In any case, it certainly made things easier, as it allowed me to keep throat-hurting words inside.

"More sad, Izzy" Haechan sighed heavily and sat down immediately on the couch. He looked like hadn't slept all week and maybe it was not just a sad impression, an illusion but simply a harsh reality. Breaking up with Mark had destroyed him in every possible way. Steven wasn't exaggerating when he said Hyuck was like a completely different person. "If pathetic, then only on Marco's side," he added, looking into space.

"I've long stopped delusing myself that he loves me. You don't have to worry about that, I'm not a naive idiot," I said, sitting down next to him.

I pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and divided it between the two of us. The European Figure Skating Championships from 2020 were still paused on the TV screen. I always watched it when I woke up in the morning after a day when I was recovering after losing all my dignity. I felt like shit and seeing nice, artistic things lifted my spirits. These skaters always seemed so clean, so delicate, so innocent.

Just like I used to be.

Like I will never be again.

"I would never have thought of you that way, Izzy," Donghyuck replied in that sweet, caring voice. "Marco never deserved you and will never be able to repay what he does to you" boy shook head sideways; a scowl on his face that reminded me of how the two genuinely hated each other. Sometimes I had the feeling that Hyuck was effectively taking all the anger at Perez off my shoulders. He hated him for both of us and that was my excuse that I didn't have to get angry anymore. Because the truth was that I couldn't. It was therefore easier for me to transform perception in this way.

"Mark never deserved you either but this madman at least loves you to death," I said and Hyuck finally smiled. I wanted to go smoothly to the subject of this idiot because we agreed on the phone anyway that the conversation with me would be about what to do next or anything at all. Even if my qualifications as a love expert were pathetic or even below zero, I knew Mark and his mechanisms of functioning very well. Even if he was a complete asshole, I could see that he was changing, that he cared, that he was working on himself. Everything I thought would never be possible.

"It's true," sighed heavily. I began to suspect that Hyuck had some decision behind him. Boy was calmer than the last time we saw each other. At that time, we also completely avoided the subject of Mark. It was probably too painful. Now, however, it was received with almost serenity.