What if...? || Markhyuck

-19-

[october 2019]

[donghyuck]

When Seth finished high school, nothing kept me in this building anymore. Still the same faces looking enviously, still heard insults behind. The blond presence had previously blocked all of them because he was very... well thought of and respected at this school. He was my shield, which disappeared one day, exposing me again to the aggressive world. After all, the boy's authority and the specter of his former relationship with me somehow blocked physical attacks, but the words couldn't be stopped by anything. That's why I hated this place, staying here only the necessary minimum.

After finishing writing the outstanding tests, I quickly put my backpack on shoulder and loosened tie in school colors. These walls were choking me. They narrowed whenever I passed between them, wanting to crush what was left of me. I wasn't going to spend a single moment here anymore. When I got out of the classroom into corridor, I immediately found Jeno and his girlfriend. They were standing by the lockers near the library, talking quietly about something. I approached them quickly, smiling lazily.

"Thanks for all the lesson notes," I said without unnecessary introductions. "Hope it gonna be okay."

"It couldn't go tragically with such notes," replied the boy, thus ending our conversation. I got past them quietly and went to the building exit.

My relationship with younger Lee was a little less complicated than with older. In the end, they were so fucking different. My path and Jeno's parted naturally. We didn't see each other at school, so common topics ended and I was too busy outside school to resuscitate our contact. The boy finally found the girlfriend of his life, so in addition he was too busy planning their future together and the upcoming move out to specifically solicit talks with an old friend from the neighborhood. Over time, I also come to the conclusion that our worldviews probably seemed too different to each other so that we could create a relationship based on friendship above all.

"What's up?" I heard Seth's voice on the other side of the phone when I made a call to him.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm in Safeway with your mother," he replied calmly, as if it was the most normal thing under the sun. I frowned and smiled to myself, not quite understanding what had just happened here.

"And you want to tell me how it all happened?" I laughed.

"Well, I came to you because I forgot that you were going to school and sat with your mom a bit and then we decided that we would go shopping," he explained meticulously. Boy's tone told me that Seth is now very proud of himself because he remembered our tradition of going to the supermarket for monthly shopping. I rolled eyes, unable to erase the persistent smile on them. The blond was three years older than me but at times he was still like a small child. He was constantly filled with the desire to impress another person and accomplish all things before being asked to.

"You're loveable," I said what he wanted to hear right now. "I'm coming to you then because I just finished my class."

"Okay," he replied cheerfully. "Call us when you get here."

"Okie," I murmured, hanging up.

This boy was simply impossible. Recently, he's constantly surprised me with the ease with which he accepted the renewal of our relationship. It soon became clear to Seth that we were a couple again, so our old habits quickly returned to daily norms. This behavior of the blonde was incredibly cute but too violent and fast for me. I couldn't jump into the role of his boyfriend so easily. Somewhere in my head I still had words of our deal that blocked me internally in its own way.