What if...? || Markhyuck

-39-

[december 2020]

[donghyuck]

I sat on the kitchen counter and stared straight ahead. I was swinging feet slowly in the air, trying to somehow define the silence that appeared between us.

A clock ticked in the background.

I leaned head against the side of the fridge, playing with the sleeves of Mark's sweatshirt, which was one size larger than we both wear. At least I was able to hide all my hands in it to protect myself from the strange chill that was starting to climb up my bare legs to upper body.

Mark fell into a dark mood.

He looked out of the kitchen window thoughtfully, though it was a side view of his lawn and the entrance to the house. He was holding a steaming mug of coffee in hands, which he probably didn't even drink. The light falling into the room was reflecting ominously off the boy's glasses, as it happens to villains in anime productions.

What was he thinking about?

"Something happened?" I asked finally, unable to find myself at all in the silence that had crept into Minhyung's heart while taking a shower.

"No, why?" asked in genuine surprise, turning to face me. I stared at his confused expression for a moment, then shrugged. Maybe I was making up unnecessary things again.

"You were different today," finally confessed in a whisper, though I was hesitant to do so. I pulled legs up to chest, stretching wide sweatshirt over them. Saying those words made me want to hide inside it and never leave again.

"In bed?" Mark was shocked. His eyebrow raised high gave me a signal that he didn't understand at all how it could have happened.

"Mhm," I admitted hesitantly, biting lower lip. I didn't dare to meet his eyes now. I didn't want him to feel bad at my remark that something about sex today just didn't suit me. I couldn't even tell exactly what it was, so the embarrassment was all the greater. Minhyung set his coffee on the table and approached me carefully, gently cupping my face in his hands.

"Was it unpleasant?" he asked anxiously, running thumbs frantically across my cheeks. I shook head but before I could explain anything, a series of worried questions flew from Mark's lips. "Did something hurt you? I hurt you? Did I touch you badly again? Touched you in a wrong way, Hyuckie? Tell me," he asked, clearly moving doubts towards a situation that happened around two weeks ago, when he wanted to take me in a position that was unacceptable to me for many reasons. I didn't want to make an unnecessary scene back then but the mere vision of whoever entering me from behind when I couldn't see them terrified me horribly. I smiled hesitantly, shaking head from side to side. I didn't want to go back to it now.

So I denied.

I kissed Minhyung for reassurance and wrapped legs around his waist to keep boy as close as possible. I snuggled carefully into Mark's chest. "It was fine," assured him calmly. "But somehow different," muttered, shrugging slightly. "I can't say what exactly."

"I think too much because of this sitting at home," he sighed heavily in response but relieved at the same time. He wrapped arms around me carefully, as if the specter of bad touch was looming over our heads again. "Sorry," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. The way he said it made it impossible to deduce exactly what he was sorry for.

Sounded like he was apologizing for everything.

As if he was apologizing for himself.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked calmly, though my curiosity burned. I was afraid I had said a few words too much the day Mark was packing up to move to his mom. I was aware that Marco wasn't telling him many things, as if keeping him under such a shade had protective properties. After all, I didn't realize that Minhyung's ignorance extends on such a scale.