What if...? || Markhyuck

-12-

[late july 2019]

[minhyung]

I heard a whistle right at my ear and then the crack of a bullet that made a hole in the wall behind me. The echo of a specific sound spread throughout the empty room and the darkness that prevailed in it, this effect in itself further emphasized. I tried not to breathe too loudly and sigh inside my own chest. My heart was beating fast and loud. I was afraid that because of this I might not hear when I was exposed to attack from the core of darkness again.

I stuck my back to the wall, trying to listen to the surroundings. It was a battlefield and I was a man sent to the God's Playground. The goal was to survive and destroy the invisible enemy. Fighting the ghost or maybe fighting yourself? I could not assess this.

Another bullet went through the air but it didn't even hit near me. Still, I shot blindly, waiting for an answer. How great was my surprise when I heard the bang of a body falling on the floor.

I hit?

Impossible.

It's a trap.

I decided not to leave my hiding place until I was completely sure of my own safety. I tilted head back, leaning it against the cool wall. I closed my eyes, breathing deeply. For an unknown reason, the melody Non, Je ne regrette rien Edith Piaf, which only paved the way of the words of the singer, resounded in my head. Strong French "r" bit into my subconscious mind, destroying the remains of a sense of security. The apparent song about love caused me a strong feeling of vomiting because in the circumstances Je ne regrette rien sounded like a final confession of my own guilt and preparation for conducting a quick examination of conscience before imminent death.

For a long time the situation around me didn't change and the melodic string constantly galloped in my thoughts, playing now a loud Milord, in which Edith gave herself everything, putting me in the feeling of participating in some wild dance of crazy people; the grotesque procession of Death with a stereo on the shoulder and a chain on the neck. I had to do something to break free from this snare that drove me crazy.

I moved uncertainly in the direction from which I had heard the sound of a body falling to the ground before, with the gun reloaded and ready to use. Unfamiliarity of the surroundings definitely was my disadvantage. However, when I wanted to complain during this internal monologue about one more inconvenience which was complete darkness, a searchlight shot somewhere behind me, producing a cloudy pillar of light. I turned slowly with growing anxiety in my heart. In the distance I saw a dead man lying in a pool of his own blood. The corpse was strangely familiar, which caused mixed feelings in me. I turned my steps towards it, wanting to reveal all the unknowns of this place. Burning curiosity to learn the identity of the person who wanted to kill me turned out to be a devouring force from the inside.

When I put distance between me and body, I thought it was a mockery and someone had just maneuvered me into a dirty game and I with the child's credulity succumbed to this intricately constructed provocation. However, despite all of these elements that I constantly displace, some part of me allowed myself the possibility that it was true. My knees trembled slightly, as if taking all the weight of a shaky body.

On the ground lay a slight boy with chestnut hair. One stranger might think that he was still a child but I knew perfectly well that it was only a pretense. I knew every fragment of the corpse of this brunet with a mask on his face and his tragic story written to him by life. On my weak legs, I knelt by his head, placing hand on his hair. Some indefinite emotion accumulated in my breasts, combined with incredible pain. I looked at the eyelids closed under the mask and long eyelashes, which fluttered in my memory very clearly.