What if...? || Markhyuck

-71-

[july 2021]

[minhyung]

For the first week, I just avoided him.

It came to me what I've done only when I went to sleep in an empty, cold bed.  It was almost impossible to rest in any way because all I could see when I tried to do so were Donghyuck's glazed eyes, which showed nothing but sheer pain and disappointment. And probably a lot of other things that I couldn't see as a tragically emotionally handicapped person.

I really believed that I was doing the right thing. I felt we needed this as a couple. The week of separation, however, was enough for me to realize how wrong I was. Life without Donghyuck was a torment. A real, acute difficulty. We didn't talk, didn't see each other, didn't write to each other or even fucking call. Of course, I was constantly monitoring where the brunet was on the phone but that was the only thing left for me.

For the sake of my own words that we need break, not a separation, after a week I cracked and went to talk to him. But there was a lot of distance in this conversation. It felt as if a huge wall separated us from each other. On Donghyuck's side, there was only necessary courtesy to keep the conversation going but nothing else. As if we were really just colleagues at work. I realized that this is the distance I declared the need for. This is stopping us for a while, changing the perspective and a load of other shit that I probably didn't want at all, since I found out how it looks in practice.

I missed him.

I missed so damn bad and no longer knew what was right, what was wrong, what I want, what Hyuck wants and what kind of move he expects from me, if he expects anything at all. Really, I had huge hope that he has some expectations - whether or not I was able to fulfill them (although I would definitely try to). However, if there are expectations, there is also a chance that brunet still cares about me, that he hadn't decided to cut himself off completely and demote me in heart to the level of a work buddy because that would literally kill me.

Hunter stuck in the current of my depression. He entered office with files that he had been bringing me for some time and that belonged to Donghyuck. I sighed heavily, looking at the boy's hands, which weren't the hands that should have put documents on my desk. Everything had been wrong for a while and it was frustrating me.

"Anything else?" I asked when boy still didn't move.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?" he asked under obvious stress. I looked at him coldly - absolutely in no mood for his stupid thoughts today.

"For a moment," I agreed. "Don't waste it on some crap," I warned, leaning back in chair. I crossed fingers on stomach and waited for what he had to tell me. We stared at each other for a long time and finally I raised one eyebrow up to indicate that it was time for Hunter to say first words or get out.

"I like you," he blurted out suddenly, as if the brain wasn't fully communicating with the rest of the body. "Like in this infatuation sense of... falling for somebody," boy added and another raised eyebrow on my side joined the other. Oh god. I guess it was really happening. It wasn't another dumb joke. We were separated by a deep silence of several dozen seconds, full of disbelief on my side and the pre-attack state on the side of Hunter. "It's not that I wanted this to happen, it just happened. We spend quite a lot of time together, we go to different places. Before we started working in the field, I liked you too. It took a long time to get it out of my mouth and now is just a good moment," he blurted out in one breath before I could react.

"Good moment?" I muttered thoughtfully. I guessed it was due to the lack of Donghyuck by my side. If someone is inseparable and stops spending time with each other overnight, it is immediately noticeable to an outside observer. I was fully aware of it, of course. It didn't really bother me because of Hunter, but because of Marco and apparently I should start taking more people into account.