What if...? || Markhyuck

-86-

[december 2021]

[minhyung]

We returned from my mother's house in the really late evening. I would love to come back right after Christmas Eve dinner, but it felt like I would be letting Donghyuck down. I imagined that similar moments with family were an important part of his personal holiday experience. Even if we were a family made of very strange and not entirely fitting parts.

My mother and I as a rather eccentric duo. We were never close, although we were getting better at being in the same room together. We hadn't argued for a long time, which I considered a success. Sometimes we exchanged humble pleasantries. And she taught me how to cook - it helped me be a better partner for Donghyuck. Gratitude crept between us - only from time to time, so it didn't mean anything super lasting.

Me and Donghyuck, a couple who have been through a lot, beaten up by life. It's hard to say how we came across each other but I'm glad we stuck together. Although it's not an obvious thing. Sometimes we complemented each other, sometimes we fought, but ultimately we created a very harmonious and rather loving family system. Even if we both shared the fear that the other half would one day find someone they considered better and more suitable. Sad and funny at the same time, now that I think about it.

Donghyuck and his mother - a dyad terribly experienced with life and relationships. Due to their sad and traumatic past, deep in their hearts they were probably still sad and filled with fear but stubbornly moved forward and overcame the unpleasant experiences. I don't think I've met more strong and stubborn people. They seem different but are very similar. Mother and her son, sharing special bond.

Suddenly, Ted appeared, attached to Hyuck's mother, apparently planning to permanently join our network of relationships. He took care of Mrs. Sora and tried to give Donghyuck some male and fatherly support. Donghyuck couldn't take it as it was offered, but he was probably grateful for the opportunity itself. It's hard to be surprised. It's hard to find yourself in the role of a son and father when it is initially associated only with the trauma of violence of any kind.

I didn't know anything about my mother's relationship with Hyuck's mother. But it was there and, as you can see, it mutually strengthened them in various areas of life. It's nice to have a friend. I didn't have mine anymore.

I lay in bed on stomach with head buried in arms and watched Donghyuck, who had recently emerged from the shower. We returned to the apartment tired and silent. Donghyuck was driving because I felt that after meeting my father, I might pose a risk on the road due to internal breakdown and the degree to which my thoughts were scattered. Without asking, boy accepted my request to be the driver of the return journey. Now he stood naked in front of me on his side of the bed, silently drying wet hair.

"You're obscenely attractive, Donghyuck," I whispered, unable to stop myself from commenting it out loud; outside of my head. "You know that, right?" I made sure, receiving only a weak, shy smile in response. Which I expected, anyway. Hyuck was very insecure about his physical attributes. I tried talking to him about it once but it was somewhat unsuccessful.

"I often hear it but don't feel it resonating. So maybe... yeah," Donghyuck replied sluggishly. He slowly put panties on and then sleeping shirt. The wet towel found its place on the seat by the window. "The most important thing is that you find me that way. Others are less important," he said with a smile; warm and tender one. The one I loved the most.