pick me, 1 0 1

121. Park Jihoon | Hurt

https://snaggle-chamsae.tumblr.com/

genre: angst & fluff

member: jihoon

requested: yess!

summary: it hurts when you found out that jihoon is cheating on you but it hurts even more not having him beside you.

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"are you over jihoon already?" you froze whenever you heard that question
are you over jihoon?
jihoon used to be your boyfriend
and the naive you thought you finally found the love of your life
when everyone around told you jihoon isn't a good guy for you
you ignored everyone's words and believe at the things you want to believe
you thought you could see the future in jihoon's eyes
you thought whatever you guys had was real
but everything soon turns out to be a lie
it seems like it is your own wishful thinking to pray that jihoon would love you as much as you do
if not for that day where you caught him cheating, you would still be in the dark
thinking that jihoon is the right guy for you
when you saw him cheating, you got lost for a moment
the way when jihoon hold her close to his chest
the both of them looks so comfortable in each other's embrace
your feelings were in a turmoil
your tears couldn't stop flowing
and when jihoon saw you, he was just as shocked as you
"i guess if i never come to your house, i will never know huh" you forced yourself to say
even when jihoon come running after you, grabbing onto your arm to stop you
you never wanted to listen to any more of his lies
and after that night, you never talked to jihoon anymore
even to all of his calls and text
you could feel your phone buzzing almost every minute
but you resisted yourself from seeing any of those
and since you're on your school holiday, you didn't have to see jihoon for a while
this heartache is more than enough
you don't wish to see him and get reminded of the entire scene of seeing him cheat
but even if you don't see him, your memory is still haunting you
those memories of you spending time with jihoon
all those times where jihoon told you "i love you, y/n. you're the best girlfriend i ever had"
are all those words just a lie?
you hate the fact that jihoon is the reason behind your happiness
but now, he is the reason why you're hurting
just when you thought the pain is bad enough, the weeks after your break up turns out even worse
without fail, you would wake up with puffy eyes every morning
you have no idea how you're going to do when school resumes tomorrow
you're not sure how you're going to react when you see jihoon in school again
true enough, going to school is harder than you thought
"y/n! what happened to you and jihoon? the both of you broke up?" your best friend questioned you the moment she spotted you
you could only sigh
"yeah... jihoon cheated on me and we broke up"
and just within hours of school, more and more people got to know the news
many reacted sadly because they expected the both of you to last long
and moreover, lots of your friends was shipping you and jihoon as the 'cutest couple in school'
in the morning, you could hear people gossiping about you and jihoon
and you could still feel that inevitable pinch in your heart but that isn't the hard part
the hard part is seeing jihoon in class
the both of you sit just a table apart and you know it is impossible to avoid him
he is the first person you saw when you stepped into class
you had to force yourself to look away before your tears fall again
during class, the atmosphere is so tense
and it feels like you could die any moment, knowing that jihoon is just beside you
during break time, you head to the rooftop instead of the cafeteria
it is just too much to stay in class
as you're quietly spending your time there, you heard footsteps approaching you
you let your guard down and turn around
it's the person that you least want to see at this moment
you get up instantly and wanted to leave but jihoon blocked you
"y/n... can we talk?"
"is there even anything to talk about?" you stared at him in disbelief
"i know what i did was wrong but it was all a mistake, y/n. you have to trust me"
"i'm sorry that i hurt you" jihoon held your hand
but you soon push his hand away, unable to bring yourself to believe anything that he said
"i don't think i can ever understand or forgive you" you said as you walked away
"i'll prove to you, y/n. i will never lose you" you heard jihoon screaming
"lies, it is all lies, y/n" you snickered
why in the world would jihoon even want you back?he could hang out with that girl for all he wants and it won't bother you
after being cheated on once, you're never falling for the same trap again
you're not gonna fall for jihoon's sweet talk anymore
and honestly, you assumed that jihoon is just saying for the sake of apologizing
but turns out, he is really working hard to get you back
after that day, jihoon has been trying all sorts of way to get you
right from the start of the day when you're about to head to school, he is already waiting for you
jihoon smiled at the sight of you while you rolled your eyes
seeing him isn't the kind of way you want your day to be
since it is raining, seeing jihoon is only gonna make your day worse
he sheltered you with an umbrella
but even so, you pretended as if he's not there and walk to school alone
when you got to school, you started taking your books out and get ready for class
"i prepared breakfast for you, i hope you'll like it" jihoon said as he left a box on your table
you looked at the box and without hesitation, you threw it into the bin
you don't need any of these from jihoon
in the past, jihoon used to disturb you in class, making you distracted
but after what happened, jihoon kept quiet and paid attention
this is so unlike of him
because he has never shown concern in his studies before
while you were with him, you always told him to study but he never did
what is more surprising is seeing him answering questions in class and even taking notes
"today is just the first day, he won't sustain for long" you reminded yourself
once class have ended, jihoon offered to send you home
"don't follow me, park jihoon" you shut him up
you just wanted to get home quick and not see jihoon
but jihoon doesn't give up simply
you felt your phone vibrating and it's none other than jihoon, again
"have you reached home?"
"have you eaten?"
you decided to reply and end it once and for all
"why do you care if i have eaten or not?"
"because you skip meals and i don't want you to get sick"
damn it
jihoon still cares after all
"it doesn't matter anymore. we're over, jihoon"
"i told you i'm not letting you go, i will do whatever i can to have you back y/n"
you got tired of his cheesy line and decided not to bother him anymore
"he is not going to last for long"
when the next day arrives, you never expected jihoon to continue waiting for you
since you had to be at school earlier than usual, jihoon is already there waiting for you
"why are here so early?" you asked
"i still remember your schedule, silly. you have to go to school early on tuesday" that caught you off guard
just like yesterday, he continued giving you food for breakfast
this time round, you just left it on your desk
"y/n! you're early today" one of your male classmates greeted you
"oh yes! you can have this too" you smiled and took the opportunity to give jihoon's food away
but before he could get it from you, jihoon abruptly took it from your hand and eat it
you give up on jihoon
even during lunch, jihoon isn't letting you go
you decided to have lunch with your close friend and some other male classmates
it used to be a good lunch until you heard someone slamming their lunch plate beside you
without looking up, you know it is park jihoon
he would look so angry and he would glare at your classmates
because of that, your classmates decided to leave one by one
you decided to leave jihoon too
you honestly don't bother anymore because you know he would eventually get tired of trying
but guess what
you're wrong
jihoon continued appearing in front of your house every morning
even in your locker, he slipped little notes in
in every letter, he apologized and mentioned how sorry he is
how stupid he is to let you go
not only that, he continued preparing breakfast for you, knowing that you would always skip your meals
even when you push him away, jihoon still didn't give up
and without you knowing, it has been a month since you guys broke up
your heart still hurts once in a while
but since you promised yourself never to go back to someone that cheats on you
you could feel your feelings for jihoon fading off
your days are no longer suffocating anymore
even when you see jihoon, it doesn't mean anything already
and you thought by ignoring whatever jihoon did for you, jihoon would get the hint and give up eventually
"he would let go one day" you concluded
just then, you heard the doorbell ring
you got curious as to who would visit you at this late timing
but when you got to see who's at the door, you didn't know how to react exactly
"jihoon..."
jihoon stood in front of you, completely drenched in rain
you got speechless
despite being hurt by jihoon, the first reaction you got is to keep him dry
you invited in and made him take a quick shower
in the meantime, you went to pick out the largest sweater and pants that you got
while going through the clothes in your wardrobe, you realized you still have a stack of clothes that belong to jihoon
you used to sneakily take one or two of his jacket
because it is oversized and it is super comfy
you also went to heat up a cup of hot chocolate
although you know jihoon is someone that doesn't get cold easily, but you just want to make sure
"... you okay? why did you have to come when it is clearly pouring outside?" you questioned as the both of you sit down for a talk
instead of hearing what jihoon got to say, he surprised you and ended up back into your arms
when you tried to push him away, jihoon hugged you even tighter
"is he really sorry?" you wondered
while you guys are still dating, you have never seen this sight of jihoon before
he is not someone that would initiate any kind of skinship
and now, you're not used to the fact that jihoon is one that reaches out to you first
when jihoon break the hug, you could see a tear rolling down his cheeks
jihoon started crying
and that immediately broke your heart
there is never once that jihoon would cry
"why are you crying- i'm really sorry, y/n. you have no idea how miserable i'm right now" jihoon cut you off
"ever since that moment you left me, i hated myself so much. at the same time, it hurts me like crazy to know that i hurt you"
"i'm really sorry, y/n"
looking at how bad jihoon is breaking down, your heart actually went soft
a part of you started to feel bad and you wish to forgive him
you know you probably said that everything he did is just temporary
and it won't last long
but now that you think of it, how long did you say it for?
it's been a month
and he is still going after you
this isn't the jihoon that you know
the jihoon that you know would give up on things if it is too hard for him
"i know you'll never forgive me, y/n... and i guess i'll understand that" jihoon continued
"i shouldn't be bothering you anymore, i'm sorry"
he got up to take his clothes back and got ready to head to the door
somehow, a part of you got anxious all over again
you didn't want jihoon to leave after all
when jihoon turned back and give you one last look, that is all that made you give in
you couldn't help but crash into his arms again
you burst into tears, letting go of those mixed emotions that were buried inside you
"please don't go, jihoon" you cried
you could feel jihoon's arms wrapping you tightly and closely
"i won't and i will never ever go"