mind over matter - theodore nott

o5. it was the curiosity

IT WAS THE CURIOSITY

Fear of rejection.

The fear of rejection drew over me like the clouds covering the sun on a day you really didn't want them to. Like the autumn coming around and forcing the green leaves to turn shades brown and orange. Like the fear of rejection.

I had been rejected plenty of times in my short life, but that is what caused me to have a deep fear of it. It's basically the fear of me being humiliated by the one person you thought was going to be the one; but what kind of lowlife fucking teenager thinks they've found the one at the age of fourteen? But nowadays, I didn't believe there was the one out there for me. I guess, I'd given up.

I knew that I was being incredibly paranoid in this situation but my mind was built to think like that. The part of me not even planning to speak to the boy confused me the most as to why I was overthinking this so much.

I didn't want to say anything to Theodore, anything at all. The fear of him being scared away for some shitty reason. The fear of him rejecting me after making tons of eye contact with me every day. The fear of him humiliating me, but even if I was the only one who knew of it, I would still feel as humiliated as I would if others were involved.

I was naive and hopeful and lost. My thoughts were consciously drowning me, draining every inch of my bittersweet soul until it turned to grey dust. The loss of breath repeatedly hitting me and forcing panic attacks that no one knew of. I was a lost cause, a half-written book, a forgotten disaster that no one thought about because no one knew.

Theodore Nott, you know you're on my mind? It pained me to say that you were in that dirty jungle of chaos up there. Yet, you had no idea you ran through my mind every second of every day. Three weeks. That's how long it had been since I found out about your cryptic life. One conversation, and you had me all over you like a field full of daisies. You're eyes could make me melt in milliseconds. Everything about you drove me crazy, but I'd barely even met you.

I needed to get over Theodore Nott.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

The sound of heavy rain outside was not to be heard by us down in the dungeons as me and Lena got dressed for the party to be held in the ravenclaw common room. I was sitting on my bed, tying the threadbare laces on my high-top converse, all ready in my silk, emerald green strap-dress that reached slightly high above my thighs. My hair was in loose curls and my eyeliner and mascara were on fucking point. This was the first time I had worn a dress in, let's just say a while. I've always been to insecure about my body to wear a dress, but honestly, I didn't give a fuck that night. Something in me just told me to wear a dress. So I did, I listened to myself. And if I'm begging totally honest, I felt hot. That was a feeling I rarely ever felt, and I liked it. I felt confident in myself for whatever reason.

"Are you fully ready?" Lenora questioned from over at the silver-framed mirror which rested against the wall beside her bed. Her hair was straightened and she was wearing a gorgeous, fitted ruby red dress that hugged her body so perfectly, and she paired it with a pair of white high heels.

I stood up from the comfort of my bed and proceeded to make my wt over to her, "You look stunning." The truth I had thought led it's way out of my mouth, causing her to give me a big, toothless smile.