mind over matter - theodore nott

o6. only ones who knew

ONLY ONES WHO KNEW

As I sat on the half-empty bench in defence against the dark arts, my eyes were practically glued to the door. My assigned desk was at the very back of the room, but also in the corner, so the furthest row from the door. Theodore Nott hadn't arrived yet. Obviously, I didn't have much care that he wasn't there. I did, however, wish he was there so the lesson wasn't as bad as it would be without him. My right leg was anxiously shaking as it was most of the time, to the point of me barely even noticing the rapid movement.

I'd noticed something about Theodore and the first lesson of the day. He rarely ever arrived until at least twenty minutes into the lesson.

My hopes were silently fulfilled when the door creaked open, Theodore Nott calmy stepped inside, not paying attention to the deadly glatre he was recieving from Snape. Theodore's gaze met mine and his once stiffened expression softened whilst he was walking over to our shared desk. He didn't say a word as he quietly placed his book on the desk and sat down, he didn't need to. My heart began to beat at a slight faster pace than it was before he entered the room. I noticed Theodore somewhat anxiously fiddling with his hands that were rested in front of him, his fingers interlocking in all different ways as he stared at his anxious doings, it was almost as if he was either restless or he was trying to stop himself from doing something. He looked to be panicked in some way or yearning for something unkown to me.

He ran his right hand through his hair, fluffing it up slightly and not paying the tiniest bit of attention to whatever Snape was baffling on about at the front of the dim and gloomy classroom he'd always dreamed of teaching in but only now got the chance to.

Theodore stopped all of his movement for a split-second before a large hand was so carefully yet aggresively placed on my lower thigh, causing me to gasp at the sudden touch. His touch was strong but soft as he proceeded to prevent my anxious shaking. One thing that I knew for definite was that he sure knew how to calm me down, he took the pain away. We were the only ones who knew.

He kept his hand there, even when he was writing, even when he was flicking through the old book in front of him, even when the lesson was over. His warm but at the same time cold hand didn't budge until students began to pass our desk, and it wasn't until then that I realised his hand had gradually moved higher up my thigh during the lesson without me even noticing. Theodore's fingers faintly brushed my leg as he pulled it away. I quickly stood up as he did, with my book clutched in my left hand. I could feel my cheeks becoming flustered so I walked away before he had the chance to see, I could feel his presence swiftly trailing behind my body, the scent of amortetia still as strong as it was when we were sat down. His touch still lingered on my thigh, it had been on there for so long that it felt wrong now.

•─────⋅☾ ☽⋅─────•

"We're sitting with Draco and that lot at dinner tonight." Lenora randomly blurted out as we comfortably sat on her bed in our shared dormitory. Look, was I happy for her that she finally had what she wanted? Yes. But did I wish she would actually do one thing without Malfoy? Also, yes. I felt like ever since her and Malfoy began their little 'thing', she literally never had time for me. That didn't matter too much to me, I was glad she was happy and all that shit but she was literally always with him. That afternoon was the first one she hadn't been with him for a whole week. I have to admit, I felt lonely as fuck. But we all know how to fake it.

All of this reminded me too much of Ivy. It fucking hurt. Me and Ivy used to be best friends, now look where we've ended up. We haven't talked in two weeks. She got a boyfriend earlier this year around February, Isaac Whitlock. At first, she'd tell me everything about him, all of the things he'd said to her that made her happy, every single thing. But I had no idea how they were going three weeks into sixth year. She was once the light of my life, she was my happy place. Now, she's just a memory. This is just another thing that proves the fact that 'forever is a word meant for memories, not people.'