Dick Grayson One-Shots { requests open }

gc gc gc gc gc gc

—— • ꧁꧂ • ——

𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗽 (𝗶𝗳 𝗮𝗻𝘆): jason x bilbo baggins

𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁: 530

𝗦𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆: gc (parks and rec's version)

dildograyson - dick
babsssss - barbara
buckethead - jason
timbone - tim
casscasscass - cassandra
stephbrown - steph
thebiologicalwayne - damian
brucewayne - bruce
alfredpennyworth - alfred

𝗧𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: idk but jason wants to do some graphic stuff to a hobbit so take that as u will

——  •  ꧁꧂  •  ——

buckethead: i wanna fuck bilbo baggins

buckethead: like i'm a top don't get me wrong but i want that hobbit to fucking dominate me

buckethead: i want him to rub his hairy feet on my face and put out his cigar on my bare back

timbone: it's 3:30 in the morning jason

timbone: you need to stop

dildograyson: jason we've talked about this

dildograyson: these are you thoughts

dildograyson: not us thoughts

buckethead: trust me dickhead i don't want them anymore than you do

babsssss: why do you guys insist on blowing up the gc in the middle of the fucking night

babsssss: pls i want to know the logic behind it

buckethead: because i feel like it barbara

buckethead: that's the logic behind it

timbone: ffs

babsssss: jason peter todd you better enjoy your last hours on this earth because the next time i see you i will shove my foot so far up your ass you can taste my socks

buckethead: jesus fucking christ bro who spit in your cheerios

babsssss: dick handle your brother before i come over to the manor and deal with him myself

dildograyson: yes ma'am right away ma'am

buckethead: what the fuck is happening

timbone: you fucked with barbara

timbone: good luck bro

timbone: you're gonna need it

buckethead: what

timbone: anyways since we're all here and awake

timbone: who's gonna fess up

dildograyson: fess up to what timmy??

timbone: don't act innocent dildo you know what i'm talking about

dildograyson: 😧

dildograyson: 😧

dildograyson: 😧

dildograyson: 😧 what 😧

timbone: the coffee machine richard

timbone: someone broke the coffee machine

timbone: now i'm not mad

timbone: i just wanna know

dildograyson: i did

dildograyson: i broke it

timbone: no

timbone: no you didn't

timbone: jason?

buckethead: don't look at me

buckethead: look at duke

sirduke: what ⁉️

sirduke: i didn't break it

buckethead: wow that's weird

buckethead: how'd you even know it's broken

sirduke: because tim SAID it's broken and we're all arguing about who broke it

buckethead: suspicious

sirduke: no its not!

stephbrown: if it matters

stephbrown: babs was the last one to use it

babsssss: liar

babsssss: i don't even drink that crap

stephbrown: oh really??

stephbrown: then what were you doing by the coffee machine eariler??

babsssss: i use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles

babsssss: everyone knows that stephanie

dildograyson: ok let's not fight

dildograyson: i broke it

dildograyson: let me pay for it timmy

timbone: no

timbone: who broke it

sirduke: tim... cass has been awfully quiet

casscasscass: bro fr ????

{ tim & bruce's one-on-one messages thirty seconds later }

timbone: i broke it

timbone: it burned my hand so i punched it

timbone: i predict ten minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and alfred's head on a stick

brucewayne: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.