Never Ending Heartbeats

Chapter 12

Chapter 12 

Stop 

There is some people will find my fear in the rain shallow. Why would I be afraid of the rain when it just feels like taking a shower? If I am afraid of it, how can I also touch the water. But in my situation, I could tell the difference of the two. 

Rain feels colder when it touch my body and rain drop is hurting me. The feeling of the rain makes me remember how I cried my heart out under the rain while looking of the lifeless body of Lea. Kaya tuwing umuulan natatakot ako na baka may mawala na naman sa'kin. I don't like the feeling of the rain on my body, it makes me shake in fear because I really know what is the difference. Isama pa yung lamig ng hangin. I hate it. I am afraid I will lose someone again whenever it rains. 

I lost Lea unexpectedly in the middle of thunders and rain. That is why I feel like rain is also gonna hurt me whenever it touches my body. Rain drops is like a shattered glass that is falling to me. 

But the fear is slowly burying deep inside me when Marco's lips touches mine. I feel like the coldness of the rain is nothing to me but the warm lips of Marco is what matters to me. How he touches my face with his warm hands and how he caressed my arm to show me he is here for me, that stop me from shaking. 

Our kiss lasted for seconds and our forehead is still rested with each other. When I open my eyes I saw him opening his, slowly until our eyes met. Water is pouring down on our head dahil sa ulan and I can saw it on Marco's face, but I don't care. Yung takot na nararamdaman ko kanina biglang nawala dahil alam kong nandito sa harap ko si Marco ngayon. 

Siya ang unang naglayo ng mukha niya sa'kin but his hands are still holding me, afraid to let me go. My tears already stop falling and the only think I can think of is the feeling of Marco's lips on mine. 

He makes me forget that I am afraid and he just make me think of his warm lips on mine. 

"Nandiyan na ata si Kuya Larry, tara na?" He asked. I watch his hand slide to my hands until our hands are already intertwined to each other. Tango na lang ang nasagot ko sa kanya and I let him drag me while my eyes are still on our hands clasp together. 

Hindi naman ito ang unang beses na ginawa namin 'to dahil noon pa man we are holding each other's hand because we are friends and nothing is wrong with it at wala din namang meaning pero sa mga oras na 'to iba ang pakiramdam ko habang hawak niya ang kamay ko. I am not thinking that I am holding his hands because he is my friend. I am giving it a meaning, which is totally not right. 

How can I stop giving everything a meaning kung alam ko na sa sarili ko na hulog na talaga ako? Aminado na ako dahil nabukas na yung isip ko kung bakit ganun na lang kalahaga si Marco sa buhay ko. 

It's funny the my dream that is already planned from the beginning suddenly change. I just dream for myself before but know I am dreaming with Marco and he have a big part on my dream. He is one of my dreams. 

Tahimik lang kami buong byahe pauwi at pumasok pa din siya ng bahay namin to tell to my worried parents dahil alam niya na hindi ko sila makakausap. I am still in shock, not because rain suddenly pour but also to our kiss! Umalis din naman siya after nun, hindi ko alam kung dapat ko bang ipagpasalamat na hindi niya inopen yung topic tungkol sa nnagyari na yun or I should be offended that he didn't open it up. 

Marco is always considerate and warm. He knows his place in your life and he knows his boundaries lagi niyang alam kung hanggang saan lang dapat siya. Habang iniisip ko yung ugali niya na yun. That is maybe the reason kung bakit hindi niya inopen yung nangyari kanina because he knows that I am still processing what happen and I am in shock.