Never Ending Heartbeats

Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Boundaries

When I saw him again I promise myself a lot of times that I will never let him go again. I said that I will do everything until he can give me a chance. I want to stick to my words but how can I even stick with it when he is trying so hard for me to let go of him. 

He is so persistent, he really wants me to let go because he knows that I am still holding on to him and to the thought that we can go back on what we used to. How can I even stick to my word when he is pushing me away. 

Alam ko naman na deserve ko ang lahat ng salitang binibigay niya pero tao lang din naman ako at hindi pa naman bato ang puso ko para hindi masaktan sa mga sinasabi niya at sa pagsubok niya na pabitawin ako sa kung saan ako nakakapit. 

I am holding to all the hope that I have... Umaasa pa din ako na kaya ko pero paano ko pa kakayanin kung isang sabi niya lang na aalis din naman ulit siya like seeing me again is nothing to him compare to me. Seeing him again after years is my everything to the point that I don't want to let go of it already... But he is making me. 

"Zemira, why-" I didn't let him finish his question. Why would I allow him kung alam ko naman na kung ano ang itatanong niya. 

I get out of the car and when I look at my brother he look confuse because I came from the shotgun seat. He is pointing his finger at me with wide eyes bago ituro yung driver seat. I look at my parents and they also look confuse of me getting out of the other door. 

"Sira ba 'to? Ayaw ba mabuksan kaya diyan ka lumabas?" My brother asked me pero umiliing lang ako at sinarado yung pinto. I refuse to look at him again. 

The choice is in him if he will come out or not... But I know what he will choose anyway. 

My family still looks confused pero ngumiti lang ako sa kanila at inayos ang pagkakasabit ng bag ko sa balikat ko. I smile to my parents and my brother was about to try opening the driver seat ng magbukas na yun kaya napaatras si Xavi. 

I saw how my brother's eyes widen. He look shock na akala mo ngayon niya lang makikita ulit si Marco samantalang mukhang nag-bonding naman na sila. I watch how Marco get out of my car making my parents eyes widen too. 

"Kuya Marco? M-Magkasama kayo ni A-Ate? Ayos na kayo?" Xavier asked. He even look at me but I just show him my emotionless face. Hindi pa din kami nagkakausap after that night kahit na alam kong alam niya na narinig ko silang dalawa. 

Nakita ko kung paano unti-unting lumingon si Marco sa magulang ko matapos tapikin ang balikat ni Xavier. He refuse to answer. Pwede naman siyang magsalita at maging honest nagpigil pa siya. Pag ako ang kasama niya ang lakas ng loob niyang magsabi sa'kin ng totoo not thinking if his words will hurt me or affect me. 

"Marco, is that you? You are with Zem?" Mommy asked, still shock seeing us together. 

Sino ba naman kasi ang hindi magugulat kung kahapon lang bigla akong umalis ng bahay matapos kong sabihin sa kanila na nandito na si Marco and telling them some of my frustration. Kaya nga siguro sila nandito because they are worried to me. Ganun naman ang mga magulang ko simula ng lumipat ako sa condo ko. 

They will give me a day alone and they will come. That is what they always do pag nagkakaproblema ko sa work or even when I am frustrated at sa kanila ko nailabas yun. 

"Yes, I just drive her home." He said. I tried to look at my dad and he is just looking at Marco. His face is screaming happiness of seeing Marco again. 

Bakit ba naman hindi? My father is the only person who knows what Marco go through. Yung mga bagay na hindi alam ng best friend na ako, alam ni Dad. He saw how Marco use all of the money that Tito left for him para maipagamot ang Papa niya. He saw him struggle na dapat ako ang nakakakita pero hindi ko nagawa.