Never Ending Heartbeats

Chapter 36

Chapter 36

Together

All along I thought I already know him so well. I thought I finally understand him, or I am already able to but because of what he said about not getting mad at me dahil hindi niya naman akong narinig na magsalita kanina makes me realize that there is still something I am finding it hard to figure out.

I am still having a hard time to finally accept that the Marco who is in front of me is not the same Marco from before. Kilala ko siya bilang taong hangga't kaya niya itatago niya kung ano ang totoong nararamdaman niya.

That is also why I didn't notice before that he is already having a hard time. He always showed me his smile, he always assured me that he is okay and I believe that. I choose to believe him, pero dahil sa paniniwala kong yun sa mga nakikita ko sa kanya pinaramdam ko na pala sa kanya ang pakiramdam na hindi ko naman niya gustong maramdaman.

I make him feel that I don't need him anymore. I make him feel that I can live well without him by my side. That happen because I choose to believe in what he is showing me.

But Marco now is different. He is still the man who will like to keep everything to himself, but he is more open now. Alam niya na kung paano ipapakita sa tao ang totong nararamdaman niya. He is confident to speak what he wanted to say.

It makes me proud of him. I always will be.

What he said is a big blow to me and it really did make my heart race. I also feel like crying because he chooses to wait for what I will say. Pinili niya na antayin ako kahit na buong akala ko aalis na siya dahil nagalit siya sa nangayari, but I was wrong.

He waited for me. He chooses to listen to me rather than to listen to others. Sa totoo lang kung ako siguro ang nasa posisyon niya magagalit na ako, lalo na't kalat naman talaga sa lahat ng nakakakilala sa'kin kung ano si Kairo sa'kin.

May mga dahilan na siya para paniwalaan yung sinabi ni Kairo. He has his reason to get mad already. Pwede niya ring isipin na hindi naman talaga totoo yung nararamdaman ko sa kanya at yung pag-aantay ko sa kanya. Ang dami niya ng pwedeng maging dahilan.

"Is there a time when you get mad at me? Yung galit na hindi mo alam kung kaya mo pa ba akong patawarin." I asked. We are inside his car and we are just silent the whole time.

Gusto kong malaman kung meron ba talagang pagkakataon na nagalit na siya sa'kin to the point na hindi niya alam kung kaya niya ba akong patawarin. I remember him said before na hindi naman siya nagalit sa'kin dahil sa nangyari dahil desisyon niya kaya nangyari ang mga bagay na yun.

He thinks that it's all because of his decision that is why we both got hurt. Iniisip niya na ang lahat ng desisyon na ginawa niya ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan naming pahirapan ang mga sarili namin.

"I have... Have you forgotten? The time when I got to know that you talked to Tito Noel to attend my graduation. Noong panahon na yun, I really don't know how to forgive you. But I felt something." He said that with a small smile form on his lips.

"What?"

"I got to feel that you just really care for me... At that moment, I thought I will lose that. Buong akala ko mawawalan na ako ng pag-asa na makasama ka. I was so afraid that I will lose someone as important and pure as you."

Habang iniisip ko yung panahon na yun, I realized that we are really too young. That is maybe the reason why we make all those mistakes. We are young but we know what is right and wrong, we already know what to do in our life.

Bata man kami at marami pang kailangan malaman but nothing can change that at a young age we got to experience a lot. Sa batang edad na yun daig pa siguro namin ang isang nasa tamang edad na tao.