Never Ending Heartbeats

Chapter 40

I want you to listen to the two covers of Maybe This Time while reading mostly in the last part. Listen to the cover of Justin Vasquez din ng Maybe This Time while reading. 

Chapter 40

Maybe This Time

The biggest problem and having the spotlight and meeting the people who will show you love and support are that you always need to think about what they will say about you. Pigilan mo man na hindi pakinggan o wag pansinin, it's so hard to do. You will always think that all of your actions always need to be considered.

Minsan kasi maiisip mo na lang na wala ka sa kung nasaan ka kung wala yung mga taong yun. Some people can understand you, but there are also some people who cannot. May mga tao na gustong umayon yung lahat ng ginagawa mo sa gusto nila.

That is the exchange for having the spotlight and being the top star. You will always think that people have the right to control you because you will not be in your position if it's not to them. Maiisip mo na lang na may karapatan sila sa kung paano ka mabubuhay.

I make this choice too because of that. They all have the right to know how I will live my life and I will let them know about it. Hindi man nila ako maintindihan pero handa akong sabihin yun sa kanila. I am ready to let them know everything.

Hindi ko nga lang alam si Marco. Binigay ko na sa kanya yung oras na kailangan niya. Una pa lang naman gusto ko ng gawin ang plano ko pero pinigilan kong gawin because I was thinking of him.

Kakapasok niya pa lang sa mundo ko. Pinili niyang isugal ang katahimikan ng buhay niya para pasukin ang mundo kung nasaan ako and the only think I can do is to give him time and to let him adjust to the world I am living.

Alam kong nakita niya kung gaano kahirap ang mundong ginagalawan ko. He got to know my struggles, threats, and even the judgements of the people towards me. He saw how I live with how other people wanted me to live. Sa maikling panahon nakita niya yun.

I let him adjust pero hindi ko na kasi kaya na itago lang siya. Ayoko na parang lagi siyang nagtatago para lang ma-protektahan niya ako. I don't want them to always check our surroundings just to make sure na walang makakakita sa'min. I saw how he cover his face kahit tinted naman ang kotse niya tuwing susunduin niya ako mula sa isang schedule.

Ayoko ng nakikita siyang ganun. It makes me feel like kinakahiya ko siya kahit na hindi naman ganun at alam kong hindi din naman yun ang iniisip niya. I want to go to some place with him freely, yung hindi naming kailangan magtago at maghanap ng lugar kung saan wala masyadong tao.

"Tomorrow you will have the photoshoot for the album, Zem." Ate Ellaine reminded me after I enter the car. Kakatapos lang guesting ko para sa isang tv show at maaga pa talaga akong umalis para doon.

"Okay, I will bring my guitar then." I said at tumango naman suya sa'kin. Tumingin ako kay Reese and she just gave me a smile. Itong babaeng 'to gumaganda dahil madalas nandito sa Pilipinas ang boyfriend niya.

Parehas sila ni Marco, walang pakialam kung magpabalik-balik sila sa NYC at dito sa Pilipinas. Ginagawa nilang 30 minutes away lang ang byahe kakabalik-balik. Mas madalas na ganun ay si Marco. Hindi niya na talaga kayang iwan ako ng matagal kahit ilang beses kong sabihin sa kanya na okay lang.

I actually wanted to go to NYC again to meet his family again. Si Katie naman, ilang beses din siyang kasama ni Marco pag babalik ng Pilipinas. Of course, for my brother. Hindi pa sila pero ang alam ko naman ay nanliligaw ang kapatid ko kay Katie dahil si Katie pala ay tinuruan ni Tita Miranda at ni Marco na magpaligaw muna kaya ang kapatid ko hanggang ngayon nanliligaw pa din.

But I know my brother, ako ang kapatid niya pero para siyang si Marco kung magmahal. Lahat handang gawin at ibigay. Parehas silang hindi magsasawa na umintindi at mag-adjust para sa taong mahal nila. I can also see the happiness in my brother's face kahit na hindi pa naman sila, paano pa kaya kung sila na.