Meant to be?

The first day

I couldnt wait to start shoting this years season of American Horror Story! At the end of season 3 Coven i wasen't really sure if I wanted to do another season, but of cours Sarah and Ryan convinced me to stay, and here I am, a year later, sitting in my trailer in the middel of New Orleanse. Obviusly the setting was something that drow my attention to do another season, once again we are going to shot in New Orleans That's such a magical place. Everything becomes much easier when we are her, because i have a place her, and the city just makes me feel really great..

It was something inside me that made me want to keep working, because i have been thinking about quitting acting, and retire... But finaly I feel comfortable about myself, being alone, without a man. I am over Sam, i still love him, but not like "That", i don't need him anymore, like i did when i was younger. When we were shoting Coven, i also got involved with Danny, Danny Huston. I fell i love with him, he really made me feel special and important, and i thought he was different from all the other men i have dated.. But obviusly i was wrong.

We went on 11 dates, and i had a great time, and it seemed like he did too. He even told me that he loved me! We also had great sexuall connection, it was something about him that made me feel like an animal. We had sex a couple of times and it was meaningfull sex, and it was years ago that i have had that connection with a man!

But i was stupid! I was stupid to think that he was the one, it was stupid of me to trust him, and believe that he was different. Because after a couple of weeks he left me, he said he had to get back to his girlfriend i LA, Olga or something, what a shitty name. They had gotten engaged, and the only thing he had to say to me was that he was really sorry. I hated him for that, i still hate him for doing that to me!

-------------------------------------------------------

"Knock, knock" i could hear someone on my door. I jumed out of the black lether sofa, and opend the door, and it was one of the producer of AHS Freak Show. He told me to get ready, and hurry to the studio, because we were going to start shoting some of the scenes from my character Elsa's time back in Germany. I was really looking forward to those scenes, because i got to wear some really sexy leatherboots and a short leather dress. It was great, because i finaly feel comfortable about my body, and i felt sexy. I ran up to the studio, it only took 5 minutts, and when i got up there, i went straight to the makeup, and got ready. When i got my costume on, i went to the set, and at the end of the room i could see Ryan looking at me with fire in his eyes. "HOLY shit you look great Jessica!!" He screamd. And all the people in the room turned around and staired at me. It was really embarrasing and i could feel my cheeks turning red.

After three hours, we were finish, and i was really happy about the result. I grabbed a bottle of water from the snacks table and went to my dressing room. I didnt stayed there for a very long time, before Ryan suddently knocked on the door. "Come on in" i screamd, and he walked in with a smile. "Hi" i said with exaitment. He smiled back at me, and said " Jesus Jess, you were amazing today!!" "Haha, thank you Ryan" i said while bluching. We talked for a while, and he said he was really happy that i decided to stay for one more season. Suddently he stopped talking, and he had a strange expression on his face. "Ehh, fuck, Jess, i need to tell you something" he said with a really worried expression. "What?" I said while i was trying to smile a bit. "You know Danny Huston is coming back to the show?"Ryan knew about me and Danny, our little affair our little romantic game. "Fuck" was my first thought. I didnt say anything. "He broke up with his fionce, and i knew he was perfect for a part, he is my friend Jess, i couldnt let him down. And you know i didnt do this to hurt you, i love you, and you are one of my best friends". I was spechless, but i couldnt show my weakness to Ryan. I just said "Well god for him then" with a rude tone. I couldnt let my personal life ruining my part as Elsa Mars, i couldnt let an old affair make me lose concentration from my work. "Well i don't believe that Jess" Ryan said worried with a calm voice. "But if something is bothering you about this, pleace come to me, so we can talk about it" he continiued. I couldnt believe what he just said, Danny is coming back? " Its really not a problem Ryan, believe me" i said without really knowing what i was saying. "Ok, Jess" he said giving me the "i don't believe you" sign, while walking out the door.

I started crying when Ryan left my dressing room. I couldnt fucking believe that Danny is coming back. I hate him, i really do....