The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-8-

Felix's P.O.V.

I've been staring at my phone ever since I woke up this morning after another nightmare.

Should I call him? What if he's sleeping? I mean he did work a night shift and it must be hard to do that without sleeping at least during the day.

Last night was so wild that it doesn't even feel real anymore. It's like it was a fever dream and now I'm back again to my regular life, fearing every shadow I see in the corner of my eye.

I'm lucky Hana wasn't too angry at me and didn't take my phone away or  grounded me. She's never kept me on a leash anyway. I can't say I'm pitiful, I have plenty of freedom and she's never meddling in my 'teenage problems'. But I know she cares about me and would blame herself if something were to happen to me.

It's for the best if I try to be more careful. Last night was an exception of course. What was I thinking? That I could just run away? And to where most importantly?

All these questions have been on my mind before I fell asleep and they haven't left even after I woke up. To take my mind off everything I had to blast music at max volume through my headphones again.

A cup of instant noodles and a mug of coffee are my way to start the day and I couldn't ask for anything more right now. Surprisingly, I'm in a good mood.

Maybe it's because I finally feel like I'm understood. Or maybe it's because the nightmare I had last night wasn't so bad. It didn't last as long as it usually does, and the shadow only appeared for a few seconds.

Maybe it got bored of me finally. But another fear is making my skin crawl. What if it was bothering Dimitri? Is it my fault? If I never went to the gas station maybe he would have a normal life right now, not fighting any demons that are just 'my imagination'.

I'm still not calling him. Maybe I should call Sam instead and have a nice talk, at least until my thoughts will calm down. But if I remember correctly, she's supposed to be on holiday with her family right now so it's for the best if I don't bother her right now.

That leaves only one thing. Why do I keep delaying it? I have to do it at some point. If not now then later today for sure.

I pick up the phone and take the napkin where he wrote his phone number in my hand, looking at it for a few seconds before snapping out of it. Forget it. I'm doing it now.

Slowly, I press the numbers on my screen and then call. I dont have much to lose anyways. We just met last night so we might as well say we're just strangers, not even acquaintances.

He picks up rather quickly and I hear his voice on the other end, a bit raspy like he just woke up.

"Uh... Hello?"

"Hey! It's me, the boy from last night. Felix"

"Ah! Right!" I hear some shuffling in the background before a chuckle leaves his lips.

"I guess this is the right time to tell you... That you were right"

No. It can't be. My legs feel weak and shaky and my palms are sweating so much I can't control it. At the same time I want to scream, bang my head against the wall and even cry. But I stay silent for a few seconds and then open my mouth to speak, taking a deep breath.

"Did you see it?" It's almost a whisper but I'm sure he heard it.

"Yeah... What should I do?"

He says something else but I can't hear it because I spaced out completely, half hoping that it's just a sick joke or that I'm still dreaming. I can't do this. If he really did see it then it means it was just my fault. I was selfish and now someone else has to suffer because of it.

"Hey! Are you still there?" I finally hear him almost shout at me.

Covering my eyes with my hand and almost letting out a sob, I don't know what I should say next. The guilt will eat me alive if something were to happen to him because of The Shadow.

"Yeah... I'm here"

"I know what you're thinking. Don't beat yourself over it. Maybe it was just a one time thing. You know how you usually dream something you saw before? I was scared at the gas station and my brain pulled a trick on me later with a nightmare"

"But what if it's not just that? You know it's my fault and only mine"

"There's no good in feeling like shit. It won't solve anything. Let's talk about this"

I can hear him talking clearly, but it's like my brain isn't processing any of the words, and I'm left staring at the wall like an idiot. He's still talking and everything around me begins to feel numb. What am I beating myself over?

Pull yourself together. It's embarrassing. Fine, I might have made a big mistake but I'm sure we can do something to fix it, together.

"Sorry... I'm just... Sorry. It's a mess. Everything's a mess" I interrupt him, without even knowing what he was saying before.

There's silence over the phone, like he's thinking about what to say next and I let out a sigh.

"So... Do you want to hang out?" he finally says and hearing his voice again is like taking a breath after being underwater.

"Yes!" I say, maybe a bit too eager.

He laughs and then there's silence again, but a little bit more comforting this time.

Maybe it'll all be alright if I have someone else to rely on. Maybe I don't have to go through all this alone, without anyone understanding me.

I look at the bottle of pills on the table in front of me and I have the urge to throw them out this second without hesitation. But something keeps me from doing it and I stare out the window, at the morning sun, instead. A warm summer embrace.

It'll all be fine.