The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-47-

Dimitri's P.O.V.

I look at my mother, her eyes full of sadness and apologies, then at my father, with his furrowed eyebrows and angry expression. Then I look at my shopping cart, thinking this is all some fucking sick joke.

This morning I had a talk with Felix about The Shadow which ended with him hurrying to leave and talk to Hana. I was left alone with Snowy, but not for long since Violet came home and insisted that we go on a little "roadtrip" outside of town.

"Come on. Let's go to some cool shops and buy useless things we don't need but that will bring us temporary comfort" she was shaking my shoulders and I sighed in defead agreeing.

She was a good driver, but not the best. Music was distracting her easily and she stopped abruptly a few times. However she was excited to show us that she finally got her drivers license and is proud of it. Me and Snowy were fearing for our lives in the backseat while Luna said that when we go home she'll drive instead, not being in the mood to go through an accident.

Violet almost threw a tantrum like a kid, but Luna whispered something in her ear and she immediately blushed, being silent. After that we decided to just go shopping at the mall. What I was most worried about was the fact that this city was where I used to live before running away from my parents.

What if I bump into them?

Well, that's exactly what happened. And now I'm standing in front of them, acting as if they're strangers and not the ones who raised me. I don't know what to say...What can I even say? What would someone say in such a situation.

My mom is the first one that breaks the silence and she smiles sadly.

"Dima? H-how have you been?"

Should I act dumb? Should I pretend I don't know anything about any Dima or about them? Or should I shout at them?

"Fine" I answer flatly instead.

She seems surprised but nods nevertheless. My father still has that stare, the one that haunted me throughout my childhood. The stare of disappointment and disapproval.

"Did you get tired of running away?" he asks and I freeze.

My hands and feet go numb and I can't do anything but stare at him with a surprised expression. Mom seems ashamed and she presses her lips in a thin line.

"Don't worry to much. I didn't come here to bother you. I just came here to shop. And I hoped I wouldn't bump into you but hey! Life doesn't always go as planned does it?" I lean against my shopping cart and look at him.

He seems taken aback by my response and just mumbles something under his breath.

"So now you've learned to talk back?"

I want to say something, my anger rising, but mom seems panicked and I realize that we are still in a public space. It would be useless to create a scene and it wouldn't help anyone.

"How about you come over? Just for a little while please?" mom looks at me with a pleading gaze and I can't help but feel guilty now.

I hate it. Why do I feel guilty for leaving them when all they've had done is cause me pain and suffering? It doesn't feel fair. But I nod. I agree to go back home.

And now I'm in their car, going back to the place I ran away from. Where it all started. I called Violet and told her everything. At first she almost pleaded me not to go, but I wanted some closure. And this is the only way to do it. So I told her to wait for me and to take care of Snowy.

The ride is silent and almost suffocating, as mom keeps taking glances at me and dad is focusing on the road. Even speaking russian with them feels suffocating, as if I can't understand them or myself either.

We arrive and my feet are almost glued to the ground as I stare at the house that used to be my home here. But I quickly recover and go inside after them. I definitely don't want them to think I'm still affected by what happened.

I am, but I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing that I'm still stuck in this place.

It seems the same as ever except the fact that they painted the kitchen walls a different colour, from a sad white to a sad beige. Everything is in place, with an order so precise it's almost scary.

The first thing I do is go up the stairs to look at my room, or what's left of it. To my surprise, it's still the same as ever, everything left untouched. My notebooks, books, pencils, photos, all in the same place.

There are some photos of me and my grandma, my parents and friends from both Poland and from here. I take a look at one of them, with me and Vasya. He seems like a complete stranger now and he looks different from what I remembered. It wasn't even that long ago yet my brain still played tricks on me and struggled to make out how he really used to look like in my memories.

I brush my fingers against the photo and look around, a horrible feeling of gut wrenching nostalgia hitting me like a truck. There are some posters I hung up after a fight with my father. I still remember the determination I had, and the will to anger him even more.

My bed is neatly made with the same sheets I used to sleep in every night. It's like a weird time machine that took me back to the worst years of my life. But now they don't even seem so bad anymore. As if nothing even happened and I had the happiest life.

I don't even realize mom has been staring at me from the doorframe this whole time and I slightly jump when I see her.

"We didn't touch anything after you left. I couldn't bring myself to" she walks towards me slowly.

I stay silent and sigh, wishing I could just destroy everything here. Everything that reminds me of the past. But I can't even bring myself to do that. I feel my mom's hands on my shoulders, but it's like she's a complete stranger, like I've never felt her touch before.

I look down at her and clench my fists to my side.

"Why?" I whispered.

Just why. Why was everything ruined? Why do I feel so bad looking back now? Why do I want to hug my mom and cry in her arms but at the same time I want to push her away and run? Why did I run away that night?