The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-37-

Felix's P.O.V.

I thought the fight with Dimitri was something that happened out of anger and after a few days we would be back to being friends. However, that wasn't the case.

Summer passed in the blink of an eye and we only met if it was absolutely necessary. I don't think that what he said that day hurt more than the fact that we stopped hanging out.

Then in autumn I had my hopes up since it seemed like we were getting along pretty well again. We would make jokes here and there and the nightmares didn't seem to be so scary.

But then it got bad again.

I still haven't found out anything about who Natalie might be. Mainly because I was too much of a coward to ask Hana about it. Maybe she has some answers.

She was someone I loved. But who? There are still many questions unanswered about her. All I could think about were my problems with Dimitri, almost forgetting about her completely.

The weather is getting colder since winter is just around the corner and I feel like he's more distant than ever. He rarely answers his phone and it's a miracle to actually see him out of his apartment.

I'm getting worried but I can only watch him from afar. I'm afraid that if I get close again it'll trigger him and make him angry.

I think that what he said that day is mostly my fault too since I pushed him even though he told me clearly he doesn't want to talk. The desperation to try and help him feel better got the best of me.

I look at the shopping cart in front of me, trying to remember why I started thinking about him again. Hana asked me to do some grocery shopping for Christmas but I'm not in the mood for a holiday at all.

Not when I know Dimitri is probably suffering.

From all the Santa Claus plushies and Christmas trees I see a familiar face that's waving back at me. It's Violet. I feel relieved. Maybe I can talk to her and ask how he's doing.

"Hello Felix! How have you been?" she hugs me and I smile.

"Oh well... Good I guess... How's Dimitri?"

Her smile fades and she looks down at her boots full of melted snow. That makes me feel worse than ever and I would give everything to be able to read her thoughts right now.

"He's... Not really well... That's why I wanted to talk to you. Maybe you can visit him?" she looks at me, full of hope but I shake my head.

"I don't think he wants to see me. We're not close anymore"

"Oh come on. You're his friend. At least try to. He doesn't want to talk to me at all. And I'm... Well... Worried"

"Did something happen?" I ask, curiously.

There must be a reason why Dimitri is depressed now, all of a sudden. When he seemed just fine before winter came around. Maybe he just hates the cold? But that's not worth isolating yourself.

"How can I say this... When Harper died it was winter... That's why Dimitri gets like this every year. Usually he gets better after the whole Christmas thing is over but..." she doesn't finish her sentence and I sigh.

I really do want to visit Dimitri. But I don't want to make him sad. My feelings for him are getting stronger every day even though he's pushing me away constantly.

"I'll try..."

"Oh thank you!" Violet hugs me "it would really mean a lot to him. I'm spending most of my time at Luna's and I always feel guilty for leaving him alone, but he insists I go away"

"It's alright"

The whole time I'm walking home all kinds of things go through my head, causing a headache and a fucked up mood. I can't help but think he hates me now, that I annoy him and that I was too clingy.

This situation wasn't supposed to be like this. He was the only one that believed me when I told him about The Shadow and we were supposed to figure out more about it together. Like friends. Best friends even. Super best friends.

We found Basil, learned more but that was it. All we did after that, and the fight, was talk about what we saw in our dreams, thinking that it's the end.

Grief has no end and you can't erase a person you loved from your memory, as Basil said. So then what now? We're just going to live our lives separately? Like we never knew each other?

Maybe Dimitri wasn't planning on sticking with me for long. He saw the opportunity to leave and took it. It's shitty, but what can I do? I can't force him.

I put the groceries on the kitchen counter and take off my jacket, almost tearing my hair out in frustration. This is not good for me.

If I visit him, I don't think it would be that much of a deal. Maybe we'll talk about things. The weather or our cryptic dreams.

After all we are friends, or acquaintances at least. It's not unusual for me to be worried, to want to talk to him and know how he's feeling.

I walk around the house, pour myself a cup of coffee, check the calendar, wipe the dust off the shelves. Anything to keep my mind off him for a bit more. But it's useless. More than that, I promised Violet that I'll go so now I have no reason to change my mind.

Even when I don't want to, I always end up thinking about him. While I wash the dishes, while I put my clothes on, while I shower. All the moments I spent with him are on repeat in my mind and haunting me more than The Shadow.

I'll go.

I need to go.

I can deny it for as long as I want, but I actually need him to be here by my side, otherwise I'll lose my mind. If I haven't lost it already.

I need to see him.