The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-52-

Felix's P.O.V.

I hug Dimitri and hold him close as he finally falls asleep. I didn't get to tell him about Natalie, or about my coming out or the fact that he's invited to our house for dinner on Christmas eve.

But none of that matters right now. I wish I could take away all of his pain. I remember him talking about his grandma so passionately, it had been way back when we were just getting to know eachother. He admired her so much. I can't imagine what it must feel like for him to hear that she died a year ago. He didn't even know snd that's what probably hurts him the most.

I brush some hair out of his face while he sleeps peacefully, a relaxed expression on his face. His cheeks are stained with tears and I sigh, caressing them.

This isn't fair. It's not fair at all. He deserves all the happiness in the world, not pain and suffering. I feel The Shadow lurking around again and a shiver goes down my spine, but I'm not even bothered enough to be scared. All I care about is how Dima feels and how I can help him.

It's staring at us. From the corner of the room. It comes closer, now standing at the edge of the bed. But it doesn't even look like a big scary monster anymore. It looks like a blob of darkness with two lights for eyes. Was it always like this? Are we the ones who made it a monster?

I sigh in surrender and look up at it. For the first time, no goosebumps, no running away. Just facing it head on. I'm ashamed I even ran away in the first place. It sits down next to us and I'm confused.

"Uh...hello?" I speak and then almost curse at myself for being an idiot.

Does it speak? It's not taking the form of anyone right now so it's highly unlikely.

The blob grows hands and waves at me. I'm surprised and tilt my head slightly. It's almost adorable. And it has no sharp teeth, and it's definitely not 7ft tall. I furrow my eyebrows in confusion.

It starts making some hand signs and I'm even more confused. I don't know sign language. So it can't speak after all?

"I can't understand you" I speak again and it stops, looking down at its hands.

I watch as the blob stands up and looks around Dimitri's room and grabs what seems like some notes and a pencil before starting to scribble on it. Snowy barks at the "stranger" almost immediately and The Shadow squeaks. I snort and watch as it hands me the note.

"Friends?"

Huh? What is that supposed to mean? Why did it write this? Me and Dimitri being friends? I furrow my eyebrows. Isn't it clear we're a couple? The Shadow has always been up in our business so I'm sure it must have seen us make out before.

I point at Dimitri and then at myself.

"Boyfriends" I say clearly and The Shadow nods.

Great. At least it knows that much. Then it points at Dimitri, me and then itself. And then at the note. Wait wait wait. Us? All of us? Me and Dimitri, friends with The Shadow? But The Shadow is grief and sadness and anxiety and everything that's bad in this world.

How can you be friends with something like that? Nobody wants to be friends with these feelings. Everybody runs away and tries to avoid them as much as they can. Or maybe...

It looks as if The Shadow is waiting for my response and I feel trapped. I can feel Dimitri shifting around and slowly waking up and I panic even more. How can I explain this to him?

He slowly opens his eyes and completely freezes when he sees the blob in front of us.

"What...What is that?" he almost shouts in my ear and I sigh.

"Calm down. This is...uh...it's The Shadow" I explain and Dimitri looks at me even more confused.

"The Shadow? But it looks- Well it looks rather cute"

"That's what I've been thinking!"

We both stare at the blob with our heads tilted and it follows our movements, mimicking us. I can't help but smile. It looks cute and harmless. Has it changed? Or maybe have we changed?

"It wants to be friends with us" I show Dimitri the note and he nods.

"Yes. We'll be friends" he says bluntly and I blink in surprise.

I didn't expect him to answer so...well, without thinking about it much.

"Huh? How come?" I ask him, curious about what he'll have to say.

"I'm tired of running away. Plus it'll catch up to us anyway...and it'll be even worse then"

It makes sense.

"Wait...you mean...As in, bottling up feelings?"

"Yeah. Bottling them up, running away. It's the same thing in the end and it doesn't help anyone" he sighs and ruffles his hair before standing up.

He's right. We've been running away all this time. Running so much that we're both too exhausted to do anything now. We need to face our fears head on. Just like I did today, coming out to Hana and asking her about Natalie.

"I came out to Hana" I say, without even thinking much and Dimitri smiles at me before hugging me tightly.

"Really? I'm so happy for you! That's amazing!"

I ruffle his hair and sigh.

"I was so scared. But it was worth it in the end. Because I don't have to hide my true self anymore" I smile and hold his face gently in my hands.

"I realized...I shouldn't have run away from everything that happened" Dimitri looks up at me with sad eyes then at The Shadow.

"Huh? What do you mean? Is it about Harper?" I tilt my head.

"It's about everything. At first I ran away from my parents...then the thing with Harper happened and I ran away again. But I don't want to run away anymore. No matter how bad it feels" he looks at The Shadow and smiles sadly.

Losing someone dear is hard to process. I know that much. But I guess ignoring it or running away doesn't make it any better.

The Shadow opens its arms for us and I widen my eyes. Are we about to literally hug our fears? Our sadness, pain, grief and loss? Everything we've run away from?

Dimitri is the first one that leans forward and hugs it before I scoot closer and do the same. It feels weird at first and there's a pit in my stomach but I relax slowly.

As time passes it becomes easier to embrace it.