The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-41-

Felix's P.O.V.

Dimitri said he wants to take me somewhere today, after lunch.

Violet and Luna came over to dye his hair. They seemed happier too, seeing that he's feeling better now. It was a comfortable atmosphere, just the four of us, making little jokes here and there.

After eating our late night dinner we went back to bed. Not sleeping, just laying down in each other's presence.

Being so close to him, just the two of us was both heaven and hell. I was afraid of doing something on impulse, making him feel bad again. It would be back to square one, no talking to each other.

We talked about all things that crossed our minds. He told me about his childhood and summer holidays in Russia when he would visit his grandma in a little village. I told him about my parents and how we would go to the seaside together.

At one point he even told me about one of his high school friends from Poland and got embarrassed just thinking about all the shit they used to do together.

Smoking, skipping school, sleeping in playgrounds and abandoned buildings. To him it was awful, but to me it was mesmerizing, getting to know more about him.

I wanted to ask about his parents but I knew that it was a sensitive subject for him so I held back. Though I hope he'll trust me enough to tell me himself when he's ready.

It was amazing and his presence made me feel so at ease, I can't even explain it. Seeing him next to me, taking in all the sounds and smells, careful to remember it many days from now on.

This liking for him is filling me up. My chest feels warm, making it hard to breathe, but also making me euphoric.

My hand trembles and aches to touch him. His face, to feel every feature and then kiss it. From his eyelids and forehead to his lips. Then his neck, slowly going down and-

Okay, what am I thinking? Snap out of it.

He's right in front of me, asking me what we should eat for lunch. I just stare at him like an idiot and struggle to think about anything except me kissing him and oh my god.

"How about we order something?" he asks and I nod like an idiot.

I don't care what I eat as long as I'm with him. When he told me that he wants to show me a place that is very special to him, one that is somehow tied to his past, it made me so curious and excited that I can't wait.

All I want is lunch to pass by faster so we can go. Every time he opens up to me, little by little, I feel like a kid that just convinced his parents to buy him his favourite candy on Christmas.

I'm fascinated, but Dimitri from the past still seems like a mystery to me. He told me things, memories - some bad and some happy- but I can't paint a full picture yet. What was he like in high school? Or middle school?

Going back in time, what was he like as a kid? Being so close to his grandmother, seeing her as an idol and the center of his life back then. Was he quiet? Or happy? Outgoing? Maybe shy?

Did he had any dreams? Becoming a firefighter or policeman or maybe a doctor?

It's still unknown to me.

"How about we order chinese food?"

"Sure" I respond, not even paying attention because I'm too busy staring at his face.

He orders our lunch, my eyes always on him for whatever reason. In my head, I'll find any good enough excuse to take a peek for a little longer. My feelings might be obvious, but at this point I don't care.

More than that, I want them to be obvious. I want Dimitri to see how much I care about him, that I like being with him and enjoy his presence.

However, I still need more courage before I can make a move on him. I don't know how he feels about me yet. For all I know, he might just try to be nice to me, to be a good friend and all this is only an illusion in my head.

If I confess there are two ways this could go. Either he likes me too and we'll be a happy, just-married, couple, or he doesn't like me back and the friendship will be ruined.

Well, not really ruined but close. Depends how much he would hate me for it. Maybe he'll just say we can stay friends and hang out like before, or maybe he'll be absolutely disgusted, push me away and never let me see him again.

The thought of it is giving me chills and I fight the urge to just tell Dimitri right now, crying in the process. The uncertainty is killing me softly and I can't live like this. Does he like me? Does he not like me?

Is he interested? Is he just a good friend? Am I delusional? Do I avoid reality by making scenarios in my head?

Probably yes. But that's what kept me alive for so long, and I won't stop doing it now.

"Are you okay?" Dimitri asks and I snap out of it immediately, nodding like a dog.

"Of course... I'm just... Well... Thinking"

"About what?" he sits down on the couch next to me and sighs out loud, before leaning closer to me.

"I... Uh... I don't know" the right words won't come out no matter how hard I try.

And the fact that his eyes are on mine before slowly moving to my lips, isn't helping at all. Suddenly, it's getting hard to breathe and I feel like my head will explode any second now.

I want to kiss him so much, but at the same time I want to run out of the room or to jump out the window.

We're just sitting there, staring at each other in silence, and it's almost as if we're getting closer. But then he stands up and clears his throat, awkwardly, leaving me confused.

I don't say anything after that, and my thoughts are running wild, trying to understand what he must be thinking right now.

The only thing I'm sure of is how much I like him, how much I want to touch him and be close to him.

He sighs again and walks towards the bedroom, not saying a word. I don't dare to say anything either and instead look at the wall in front of me, trying to get rid of all the thoughts about him.