The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-17-

Dimitri's P.O.V.

I don't want to be alone again. I'll try and make most of this night. Stay awake for as long as I can. At least until it's day again.

We're both sitting on a bench in the middle of a park, nobody to be seen around us, but it still feels safe somehow. Of course, there wouldn't be people out at this hour.

I put the bag of Takis next to us and check the time on my phone. There's a missed call from Violet but I'll call her later. I just want to relax for now and enjoy the silence.

1 a.m. Already. We've been walking around for some time before coming to the park since there's quite a long way from Felix's home to here. But I'm not complaining since I'm enjoying it.

Then I remember what Varvara said to me before we left.

"Felix can be quite difficult at first but he's a kind boy. Somehow, his life is full of misfortune and I think he might need a good friend now more than ever"

Can I really be that friend for him? Isn't Sam all he needs? Since they seemed to be close. It feels wrong for me to come out of nowhere and act like we've been best friends since forever. Take it slow. That's what I gotta do.

"Let's try something to get to know each other better" he says and it's like he read my thoughts.

"Yeah... Let's do that" I take a sip out of my bubble tea and he nods.

"What about this? I ask a question and you answer, then you can ask me a question and I answer. Seems fair?"

"Sure"

"I'll go first. Where are you from? I usually know people that were born in this town since it's not so big but... I've never seen you before"

"I've moved to this town two years ago... Born in Russia, raised in Poland, moved to America with my family four years ago. Had a bad experience with an old neighborhood and found some peace here"

"Wow... So you do have a long history"

"What can I say? My parents have been busy trying to find the perfect place for me to grow up in harmony but they still failed"

"You don't seem to be disappointed though"

"I'm not... Okay, my turn. Who's Hana? I mean... I know you're living with her, but is she your mom?"

"You asked two questions..." he smiles but continues "No... She's not. She's my aunt. My parents died when I was young and I've been staying with her ever since"

He nods and doesn't elaborate. I mean who likes talking about their dead parents? Of course, I don't say anything and wait for him to ask me another question but he doesn't. He just sits in silence and stuffs his hand in the bag of takis.

"You said something about an old neighborhood. Was it that bad you had to move out?" he finally asks after what feels like hours.

"Yeah... It was pretty bad. Aggressive people... lots of guns... There were fights almost every day. And drugs. A lot of people there struggled with addiction and shit. It was depressing"

"That explains it... " he doesn't look at me, but down at his sneakers.

I never really talked with anyone about what happened back then. When I was still living in that place. Well, I don't really have anyone to talk to in the first place. Violet and Luna are my only friends and they were there with me so they already know the whole story.

It's weird. It's very weird to tell somebody else that's not them what happened. Felix. Someone that I don't even know that well. And I'm opening up to him so easily. As much as I hate to say it, at this rate I might become soft for him.

Last time I became soft for someone it didn't end very well, did it? I'm just stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

Can't learn from past mistakes like normal people do and move on. I just have to mess up my life even more than it already is. That's what I do I guess. That's what my parents told me I do. That I mess things up. Maybe they were right.

"Also a failed love... Ah well.... I don't know if I can call it that but... Yeah..."

I swear it slipped out. I didn't mean to say anything about that.

"Oh? I'm sorry. Well it's still her loss! You're one of the best people I ever met. Really"

I chuckle and cover my face with my hands at his cute attempt to make me feel better. I'm over it. It's been two years already.

"It wasn't a girl"

His expression turns from one of encouragement to confusion and then to embarrassment. It's fun to watch him change like this.

"Oh... Sorry" he turns his head away from me and I sigh with a smile on my face.

"It's alright. How would you know?"

"Ah... It's your turn to ask a question"

He tries to change the subject, it's obvious and I don't even object.

"If we're talking about relationships... Then what about you? Have you ever been in love?"

"Love is a strong word isn't it? I've liked... someone... But I can't say I've been in love" he scratches the back of his head.

"What's your type of girl?"

"Can't answer. One question at a time"

"Oh come on!"

"Fine... Well... Firstly... My type of 'girl' is not a girl-"

"WHAT?"

I don't even let him finish because what are the chances? We both like boys? It can't be. All these years I've been searching for someone like me, but couldn't find anyone to share my struggles with.

"Don't act so surprised. You're gay too right?"

"Bisexual actually"

"Ah... I see. We should go to a pride parade or some shit when this is all over. Don't you think?"

I turn my head so I'm facing him now and he's smiling. A wide smile, that I haven't seen on his face before. It seems like he's truly happy right now and I'm not sure if it's because we're alike or because he has hope that one day this will be all over.

Of course it will be over, stupid. This thing won't haunt us forever. And we make a pretty good team when we're not full of panic like before.

Positive thoughts. That's the spirit!

"Yeah. Let's do that"

"Also... It's amazing that you could come out to me so easily"

"Your aunt doesn't know about you yet?"

He shakes his head and I'm starting to feel a bit bad for him. Is he afraid to be himself? I used to be like that too, but now simply don't give a fuck about what other people have to say about my preferences. If they're gonna be homophobic then it means they don't deserve to be my friend.

"It's not that I'm afraid to come out. I just don't want to burden her even more"

"Being yourself is not a burden to anyone"

I put my hand on his shoulder and he smiles a bit, nodding, but it's like he doesn't believe in himself right now.