The Shadow's Grip • bxb [COMPLETED]

-48-

Felix's P.O.V.

Hana taps her fingers against the kitchen isle, raising an eyebrow, almost as if she's waiting for an explanation.

"I uh...I..."

There's nothing I can say. I want to come out but it's like my words are stuck in my throat. I also want to ask about Natalie, but I can't bring myself to do that either so I'm left there, acting like a complete idiot.

"Are you two that close? Such good friends?" she asks while crossing her arms over her chest.

I look at her like I'm an idiot, like I didn't understood a word from what she just asked me. As much as I hate to admit it, I'm acting like a coward again. Just thinking about saying those words fills me up with a fear so strong I'm afraid I'll crumble.

I can feel the darkness and the pressure in the air again, the signs that The Shadow is close. My fear really has been stopping me from doing a lot of things in my life, and I can't believe I only realized it lately. I want to stop being afraid, but the darkness is slowly engulfing me again. And I can feel its presence against me again.

But I don't want to run this time so I take a deep breath and close my eyes.

"I need to tell you something" I look at Hana, trying to hide the fact that I'm close to falling into a deep panic.

"So? What is it?"

I take another deep breath, feeling as if I'm drenched in cold sweat and it's getting harder and harder to breathe. Not right now, not here. I wish I could just switch it off for once. All this fear.

"I'm...I'm gay" I finally say and then look at her immediately for a reaction.

My heart is beating so hard im afraid it'll jump out of my chest soon. Her expression goes from surprise to confusion to a soft smile that leaves me trying to figure out what she's really thinking right now.

"Is that what you were so afraid of telling me?" She asks in a gentle tone and I nod.

I can feel tears filling up my eyes, and I take a deep breath in order to prevent myself from crying.

Hana walks towards me and hugs me gently, caressing my hair with so much love I'm afraid I'm going to melt. I hug her back immediately and let out a sob.

"You know I'm going to love you either way, right? It doesn't matter to me...you're still Felix. You're still my nephew..." she kisses my forehead and I feel all the noise from the background disappear.

It's like it's only me and her and my stupid fears. Those stupid fears that have always followed me and have made me think I'm a coward, weak and not worthy of anything good. I take a deep breath and continue.

"I haven't been taking my pills...I don't..." I struggle to speak, I don't know how to explain it.

How can I explain the fact that my fears are so big they're like a monster ready to consume me at any time? How can I explain I've been living in fear all this time?

"I know, Felix"

Hana's voice stops my thoughts and I pull away to wipe my tears and look at her.

"I uh...yeah I guess you could see that...my pill bottles were full..." I want to slap myself because of how stupid I am.

She smiles at me and caresses my cheeks, brushing some curles out of my face.

"I didn't know how to handle it...the fear...it felt so overwhelming...like it was right next to me and haunting me but it was all in my head..." I rant, saying anything that comes to mind, anything that comes even close to how I see the situation.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you better..." Hana speaks and my heart sinks in my chest.

"Sorry? What...you don't have any reason to be sorry!" I look up at her.

She's always tried her best and I can't bear hearing her apologise. I tighten my grip around her and sigh.

"What about Dimitri...?" she asks suddenly, with a knowing look on her face.

"He's my boyfriend" I finally confess, and it's like a chest has been lifted off my chest.

She pulls away slightly and smiles at me.

"Well! You need to bring him here for dinner on Christmas! I need to know more about him. Last time he was here I didn't had the time to talk to him at all!" she rants and I can't help but crack a smile at her.

The thought of Dimitri coming over for dinner, him and Hana talking...it's all I've ever wanted. I've always dreamed of being out to her and bringing my boyfriend over, eating together. Of course, in high school, those seemed like silly dreams that could never be reality, but now... Now I feel so happy.

The only thing that's left is me asking her about Natalie...Who was she? Did Hana know her? What can she tell me about her?

I pull away and tap my fingers against my own arm.

"There's something else I need to ask..."

She raises her eyebrows in surprise and curiosity.

"Uh...Have you ever heard of a girl named Natalie? Did you...know a girl named Natalie by any chance?"

Her face changes, from confusion to shock, then to sadness and a grim look at the end. I'm silent, waiting for her to speak up, to say anything. Anything that could clear up the fog in my mind.

She doesn't answer but walks out of the kitchen and into the living room, bringing a photo album with her. She sits down on the couch and pats down the space next to her for me to follow.

With a deep breath, I walk over to the couch and sit down, watching as she opens the album,  revealing different photos and I widen my eyes.