"Your Body Lightweight, Speaks To Me..."

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Listen To: "Under the Influence" by Chris Brown
[Please, assume all conversations are in Korean]
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My whole body is shaking from anticipation. Namjoon holding my hand is the only thing that's keeping me grounded. It's not like it's been gone for a long time, but I miss them so much and any time apart from them is too much. We pull into the house and the butterflies erupt in my belly, my excitement bubbling in my core. The car stops and Joon opens the door and reaches for my hand to help me out of the car.

"Namjoon-ssi. El-ssi, please go inside and rest. I will bring your luggage in and see myself out when I'm done. El, we are still on for the meeting with Taek-ssi tomorrow at 2:00 pm?" Dae asks me.

"Yes Dae-ssi, as soon as i'm out of my doctors appointment. We will meet at the company. Thank you so much for everything. I appreciate you greatly," I tell him as I bow at him. He and Namjoon exchange a few words and instead of waiting for him, I make my way inside the house. It's late afternoon so I know they're all out doing their own thing but I'm ready to just shower, get into comfy clothes and lay in my bed. I walk in, take off my shoes and make my way to my bedroom. As soon as I walk inside, I set my bag down and let out a long exhale. The last week has been overwhelmingly difficult. My body seems to be recovering well from the aftermath of the poisoning but my heart and my mind are struggling with all the details. I hear my phone ringing in my bag, bend down to get it to see a call from Kat coming in. I sigh and swipe my finger across the screen to answer.

"Hi Kat," I say softly.

"Ellie! Hi babe. How are you? I haven't heard from you in a few days," she asks and she's right. After the news of the poisoning, i've kept my guard up. I haven't even responded to any of Chan's messages.

"I know, i'm sorry. I had my shoot with Vogue and I just got home like 5 minutes ago," I tell her.

"So..." she sings and I know exactly where she's going. "You're coming right?" She asks the inevitable question.

"Kat..." I start.

"No, please. You can't not come. It's my wedding Eleanor. I am only getting married once. Please," she says and I feel my heart breaking.

"Kat, please don't make this harder," I beg her. "It's just—the details don't align. I can't make it work. I'm sorry. It's nearly impossible and I just, I can't," I tell her.

"Ella, you're my best friend. How am I supposed to do this without you?" She tells me and the guilt is eating me alive.

"Please don't. I'm already feeling so guilty," I tell her.

"You should! I'm the only person you've known almost your whole life and I'm getting married and you're giving me some bullshit excuse as to why you can't come to my wedding," she raises her voice at me and I'm caught off guard at how angry she is. She's always been impulsive but never like this and never with me.

"Kat, you need to understand that it's not easy for me to just drop everything in an instant. I have clients, I have work, contracts that I'm legally bound to," I remind her.

"I never thought you'd be this kind of person. Putting work before family. I bet it's not even work. I bet it's that stupid fucking boyfriend of yours. He's got his claws so deep in you that you can't even see how controlling he's being," she says and my mouth hangs open in shock.

"Stop. Do not speak that way about someone you don't even know. You're lashing out at me because you're angry. You don't mean that," I say and I am trying my absolute hardest not to cry. I hate that crying is the way my stupid body expresses all my emotions.

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