Lynx: A Callie Torres Story

54

"Callie, what's up with you today?" Christina asked as she followed her friend into a exam room. "You've been quiet as hell all day."

"Close the door."

Christina did as told before coming and setting down a handful of scans beside Callie. Callie sat down on the chair in front of the computer. "You have to promise not to tell anyone Christina. Not even Jada."

Christiana's expression softened when Callie mentioned not telling whatever this was to her wife. She could tell something was really bothering her friend.

"I won't tell anyone," Christina answered.

Callie took a deep breath and let it all out. "This whole being around Arizona thing is not good for me," she admitted. "I thought I was ready but I'm not."

"I have feelings for Arizona again."

She continued. "I don't know what it is, I can't stop it, and I certainly can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's because she seems like she's getting the Arizona she was before the crash back. Maybe it's just being around her a lot more all of a sudden. I'm just having these feelings and I know I shouldn't."

Christina opened her mouth to say something, but let her best friend continue. "I love Jada so much," she said softly. "For some reason I'm starting to love Arizona again too."

She was a little bit taken aback when Christina hugged her. Christina Yang giving out hugs was a rare occurrence. "My dad loves Jada too," Callie explained. "He's come such a long way. He was so interested in her career that she gave him a tour of her setup and even showed him how she ran a stream. It was so cute that he thought it was the coolest thing. Everything is finally going good for me for once. I just can't figure out why I'm having these feelings about Arizona again."

"What do you feel for Arizona?" Christina asked.

"That I want her, both emotionally and physically. I'm intrigued by her, especially the way she's carrying herself, she's gotten so much better since the accident."

"I don't want to be the bearer of bad news," Christina said with a sigh, "but her and I had this same conversation last week about you."

"Yeah, that really doesn't help Christina."

"I know."

"Did she say what she would do if I wasn't married?"

Christina nodded. "Yeah, she said she would really want to try again."

Callie shook her head and stood up abruptly before pacing back and forth in the small room. "Arizona is not an option for me," she said. "I am so in love with my wife not even Arizona saying she wants another chance can change that. I just need to figure out how to get rid of these thoughts."

"I really don't know what to say Callie," Christina said softly. "Let her bang you into a new oblivion so you forget Arizona exists."

"That sounds like a really fun idea," Callie said with a smile. As quick as the smile came, it started to fade. "I have to tell her."

"You're going to tell her?"

Callie nodded. "Jada's trusted me so much through her mental health battle. She's told me things I never would've knew if it wasn't for that. I trust her with my life, she's not going to be mad, I'm mad at myself and ashamed that I even let myself think things like that."

Christina gave her best friend a second hug of the day. "Let me know how it goes."

"I will."

•••

Callie came home to find her wife stirring newly finished mac n cheese in a pot. "That smells good," she admitted as she walked into the kitchen.

"Baby, it's just mac n cheese," Jada said with a smile before giving her wife a quick kiss.

"Anything that you make smells good babe. And I'm not messing with you."

Jada laughed. "How was work today?"

"I didn't have any surgeries today for once," Callie answered, "but I need to talk to you about something."

"Anything," Jada answered as her wife took her hands.

"This is in no way going to influence us," Callie started. "But I think you should know."

"You're starting to scare me babe."

"I have feelings for Arizona again," she said before beginning to ramble. "I don't know why, but I'm assuming because I've been around her a lot more these past few weeks. I'm not going to act on anything," she reassured Jada. "I will never leave your side, I will never cheat on you, and I will never stop loving you. You are my life and I'm going to be strong and get all this nonsense out of my head."

"Baby, why are you all nervous?" Jada asked before wrapping her arms around Callie. "I know you baby. I'm not worried about anything."

"I shouldn't be having these feelings," Callie continued. "I'm angry and ashamed at myself for even letting myself think-"

"Easy Cals," Jada whispered into her ear. "Please don't beat yourself up over it baby. You're allowed to listen to what your heart is telling you. I know how much Arizona meant to you. I know how much I mean to you. I'm not scared or nervous or anything. I know where you stand in our relationship and I know that nothing will ever come between it."

Callie hugged her wife. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "That I could even let myself think something like that."

"Baby please, stop beating yourself up over it."

"I know but still, I love you-"

"Calliope, it's okay."

Callie took a deep breath and enjoyed the warm hug from her wife. "Still, I'm sorry."

"Calliope," Jada said with a smile.

"Jaelynn," Callie returned with a smile of her own.

Jada absolutely hated her full name. She had gone by Jada for as long as she could remember. Callie finally put two and two together now. Since Jada called her by her full name often, she returned the favor and loved to call her wife Jaelynn now.

"You know I don't like my full name," Jada teased.

"Yeah, and you 'Calliope' me all the time, so, it's only fair."

"But Calliope is such a beautiful name," Jada protested as she began to scoop the mac n cheese into two bowls.

"So is Jaelynn."