If only you knew (Camren)

Chapter 39

Camila's POV

The past few days have been utter torture. I thought I would be feeling a little bit better by now but obviously not. I think talking to Dinah about made me feel a little better but I still can't get over Lauren, she was my first real love. I know I was with Austin for a short time but he's a frickin douche. People think I actually loved him; well yeah I liked him but love and like is a different thing, I love Lauren and that is not what I felt for Austin at all. The feeling I felt when Austin and I got together was 100% different to what I felt when me and Lauren got together, there is a real connection between us, I know we're not together anymore but there will never not be some sort of connection and thanks to the fans we finally realised. Some people blame the Camren shippers for mine and Lauren's distance but it was nothing to do them, they were the ones that actually made me realise that I actually do love Lauren with all my heart and nothing will change that.

If words could describe how crap I feel right not feeling about this then there would be pages and pages full because I fucking miss her so much. Being sat in my room alone while she's probably out there having fun with all her high school friends, I would try and do the same but I feel like whatever I do reminds me of her. Even sat on my bed gives me so many memories because when we're not on tour we're always together, either way I can't win. I just need her back...

All these thoughts of Lauren making my eyes fill with tears. All the good and bad memories we have had will all be remembered, from the time I jumped on her back and both ended up falling into a lake, to when we had our first kiss, all the way to the time I had to tell her about my cancer. Every little detail has stuck with me and always will stick with me till the day I die whether that's in a few days, a few weeks, a few months or a few years.

As I let the tears roll down my face at the all these thoughts little Sofi came barging into my room.

"Camila? Are you okay?" she asked me sympathetically

"I am fine, now you go and play with your toys yeah?" I told her and wiped the tears off my face and gave her a fake smile

"No, I don't want to. You're crying and I want to make you happy" she said and came to sit next to me on my bed

"Now why are you crying?" She questioned

"Okay, I don't think you'll understand but if you want me to talk to you I will" and she gave me a reassuring nod.

"You know me and Lauren?" I asked

"You and Lauren kissing?" she questioned further

"Yeah, well that means that we have a really, really good connection between us and nothing will break that but recently something happened and the connection Lauren had has gone... but the connection I have is still there" I explained

She looked at me puzzled and I sighed deeply

"You don't understand do you?" I said as I stood up to take Sofi back to her room

"Come on let's go play downst...." was all I said before she spoke up

"You love her, but you don't think she loves you back anymore" She blurted out.

"What?" I said as I stared at her wondering how she understood what I was saying

"I said you love her, but you think she doesn't love you back anymore" my younger sister repeated.

I stayed silent "Do you miss her?" she asked

"Yeah I do" I admitted. I made my way back over and took a seat on the bed with Sofi again.

"Why don't you talk to her anymore? She always comes round and plays games with me, I miss her too" Sofi said and gave me a sad look.

"Things have changed I guess" I explained

"I want things to go back to the way they were, you're sad and I don't like it when you are sad. It makes me sad" she confessed.

"Things won't go back to the way they used to be, not now" I said, I had been saying this too much and now I have started to believe it's true. I'll never be able to get Lauren back.

"I'm sure things will be okay, you just have to think in the right way" Sofi said as she gave me a reassuring smile

"When did you become so smart ayy" I chuckled and gave her a tight hug

"Well you are my big sister and you're very clever" she giggled

"Even Lauren said so" she added. I smiled at her and she continued to hug me back.

"Now you're happier can we play now?" She requested

"Sure thing" I agreed "Last one downstairs smells" I shouted.

We both ran out my bedroom door, I pretended to fall over so she got an advantage and then continued on chasing her. She squealed as I gained on her but she jumped down the last few steps beating me into the living room. I got to the bottom and stopped a bit to get my breath back because for some reason running down the hallway and down the stairs tired me out. Once my breathing went back to normal I entered the front room to see Sofi raiding her toy box. I sat down and watched Sofi with an amused expression on my face because I still can't get over the words that came out of my sisters mouth or the random spurts of energy she gets.

When she reached the bottom of the box she looked at me

"I can't find it!" She said and threw her arms in the air

"What are you looking for" I asked and went down to her level

"My new puzzle! It's not there" She panicked

"I'll have a look in here and if it's not here we can ask mum when she gets home, don't worry it hasn't grown legs and run away" I joked and she laughed hysterically at my very bad joke. When I was raiding the toy box once again the door bell rang

"I'LL GET IT. You find my puzzle!" Sofi shouted before I even had a chance to stand up. I followed her orders and continued to look for her puzzle. She obviously didn't look very well because after moving 2 boxes I found it. I picked the box up and looked over at Sofi who had finally managed to fit the right key into the lock. I sat on the floor and opened the box as she greeted the person at the door. Instead of hearing the usual hello I heard something I didn't expect at all

"LAUREN!"

This was probably expected butttt I updated earlier than usual and its longer than usual!:D

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