If only you knew (Camren)

Chapter 9

Camila's POV
I was nervous to go back to the hotel, I really didn't know what to expect. Was Lauren going to be pissed off with me, or was we going to talk it though. My palms were getting clammy as I got closer to the hotel room door. As much as I wanted to talk to Lauren I just wanted to avoid her because I didn't want to make it worse. I know it's a pathetic argument we had, well it wasn't even an argument but I could tell she was pissed off because I didn't tell her where I was going, but I just can't tell her, not yet anyway.
I closed my eyes and took a breath as my hand turned the door handle. I walked it trying to be normal, but I had been gone about 3 hours easily. I stepped into our room and I felt all eyes on me. I looked an faced them all. Ally, Normani and Dinah was the only ones present in the room which kinda made me feel better because I felt more at ease knowing Lauren wasn't in the room, but I also felt guilty because I now know she is upset as she's alone in the bedroom.
"Camilaaaaa" dinah welcomed me.
"Hey guys, you okay?" I asked them. "We're okay, but I don't think Lauren is, I've not seen her since you went" Normani informed me. "Dinah spoke to her but she hasn't come out that room" ally added
"Yeah, I spoke to her but I told her to get some sleep because she looked tired" dinah told me. "Oh right okay, is she still sleeping, I need to talk to her" I asked them
"I'm not sure you'll have to have a look" dinah answered. I nodded and took my shoes off in the process, slowly I walked to the bedroom door and opened it. I quietly walked in just incase Lauren was sleeping. From the door way I could hear her music blaring out, another sign she was upset.
I could see he sat on the little sofa in the corner of the room with her legs up and he arms wrapped around her body. She wasn't asleep though because she had her eyes open when I walked in. I put my shoes away where they belong so I didn't make a mess. I was trying to be tidy for once and so far I was doing quite well.
I walked over to where Lauren was say and say on the end of the sofa.
"Hey" I said but she didn't reply or even acknowledge me. I signed and slumped back into the chair. I decided the to way to get her to hear me without ripping the headphones off her head was to text her, so that's what I did.
'Heyy, are you okay? I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't of snapped at you, talk to me?'
I saw her phone light up and she picked it up. She read the message and took her headphones off.
"What makes you think I'm not okay?" She asked me
"well the fact you're listening to 'nothing' by the script on full blast is one point. I know that you listen to that when you're upset. Another is your sat in here alone and not in there with the girls" She looked at me and I saw that she had been crying which made me feel ten times worse "and finally, why do you look like you have been crying?"
"I've not been crying, I just erm poked my eye" she said trying to defend herself.
"If you want to talk to me, I'm here you know that. Sometimes you just need to talk to someone about something even if you don't feel comfortable talking about it, it might make you feel better" I told her firmly. I was hoping she had forget the fact I had gone out without telling her where I was going but unfortunately she didn't
"Where did you go Camila?" She asked in a serious tone. I sighed deeply, I couldn't tell her now, I have to make something up to get her off my back
"You really want to know?" I said with a smirk trying to cover for myself
"Yeah I do" she answered
"I was buying you freaking Christmas presents dork! Of course I wasn't going to let you come with me!" I lied
Thankfully it was only a weeks till Christmas and the girls know I like Christmas and getting ready early so hopefully they will believe this little white lie.
"Shit really? Im sorry Camila I'm such a bitch for blaming you for hiding things from me. I know you wouldn't ever do that and I'm so grateful to have a friend as honest as you" she said sounding really guilty, when in all fairness I was the guilty one.
"It's okay, and trust me you're a better friend" I told her with smile
"I'm really not" she said while looking at her feet, now I know she has a little secret of her own
"Whats up Lauren?" I asked her
"If I tell you something, you promise not to get mad or let things get awkward?"
"Yeah I promise, I can't stay mad at you" I said trying to comfort her by scooting closer and putting my arm over her shoulder.
She took deep breath and finally spoke
"Well, ever since that dare to kiss I have had these crazy feelings inside my stomach every time I see you and every time I look at you. At first I wasn't sure what it was but after some thinking and then that other little kiss I've finally realised what those butterflies in my stomach are" she looked me straight in the eye and held both of my hands and continued "I think I have fallen in love with you Camila Cabello" she said in a sincere tone.
This is not what I wanted, she can't love me like this. Even though I have to admit I have those feelings too she can't love me. I will crush her to little tiny pieces and things will be ruined forever. It took me a little while to actually say something but finally I spoke
"Lauren, I'm flattered and I love you too but not in that way" I lied again. I am really not good at telling the truth these days! I saw the disappointment in her eyes and she let go of my hands. I saw a single tear roll down her face.
"I'm sorry Lauren, but it's not been long since the kiss, you could just be confused and..." But she cut me off
"Don't say that, I know I am not confused. I know what my true feelings are towards you Camila" she said trying to hold back the tears
"We are best friends, that's all. When friends do miss these mixed feelings rush through you. I'm sure you just need to have a little time to think about this"
"We looked at each to her a little to long to be 'just friends' Camila I want to be with you so badly." She stated which was 100% true but I couldn't admit that. I sighed once again and put my head in my hands
"You're never gonna love me so what's the use" she mumbled
"I do love you Lauren, just not in the way you want me too" that was really hard to say but it's for the best
"look if you love me let me go" i told her trying not to cry myself
"i can't let you go! If you find someone who makes you smile, who checks up on you often to see if you're okay. Who watches out for you and wants the best for you. Who loves and respects you. Don't let them go. People like that are hard to find. I'm sorry for bothering you with this, just forget I brought it up." She said with a louder volume, but then broke down into sobs. I didn't know what to do so I just wrapped my arms around her tight and didn't let go until she had calmed down.
Once I heard the cries stopping I let go
"Lauren look at me" I said trying while lifting her chin up so I could get her attention
"I promise you will get though this, just be the strong girl you are, And I am going to regret saying this but I think he only way to settle this is by a little distance" I said which killed me inside. This is the last thing I want, it might hurt now but I wont hurt later
"No! Trust me that will make it worse, I will miss you and I won't be able to be happy. When I am with you I am happy and when we are apart it splits me in two" She admitted. It was scary the fact what she was saying I related to also.
"Okay, whatever's best, but you'll get through it no matter what" I told her trying to be strong. She slightly nodded
"Smileeee" i said while grinning at her trying to lighten the mood. She slightly smiled which made me feel better.
"Come here, I don't know about you but I'm tired" I told her while opening up my arms for her to climb into. She literally jumped at the chance "wow you really do love me" I said trying to make a joke about it, I heard little giggle but I mainly noticed her cheeks blushing
"Yeah I really do" and that was the last thing I heard before falling asleep with my arms wrapped around Lauren who was lying on top of me.