If only you knew (Camren)

Chapter 7

Lauren's POV
All 5 of us were sat on the sofa just minding our own business. I was reading as well as Camila, Ally was on her phone talking to Troy, Normani was doing something to her hair and Dinah was asleep as per usual. No one had spoke for a while and the silence was quite nice for once.
I was quite pleased we had a few days rest from everything, since X factor our lives have become pretty hectic. I wouldn't say that the actual job itself was the most hectic, but it was the relationships and love that to me was the worst part of it all. Especially when you have a crush on your best friend who defiantly doesn't love you back. Does it hurt thinking she doesn't love me back in that way? Yeah of course it does, as much as I want to be with her I know there are some big risks. For starters, if she doesn't love me back and I tell her then that could really make things awkward. Secondly if she does love me back and we do happen to get in a relationship we could get loads of hate for it. I don't mean from the harmonizers because I know for a fact they go crazy for me and Camila to be a couple, but we could get it from other fandoms or just everyday people who are homophobic. And finally, if we get together and then we break up it could potentially split the band up, we won't only be ruining our love live, we will be ruining the lives of our fellow band mates.
I really really do want to be with her, and I do honesty think it would work out, but I know em she doesn't love me back so there isn't much point in even thinking about it. Not thinking about it is hard because ever since I have realised these feelings that is all I have been thinking about. I've even started to annoy myself a little about it all.
Dinah had a little conversation with me today about it while we were alone and she made me realise that I have loads of support around me if anyone is to find my little secret out, so I know I won't be alone.
She makes me feel so much better at times, even though Camila is usually the one to cheer me up sometimes it's nice to talk to someone else. I mean I can't really talk to Camila about this so I have no choice really. I feel bad for not telling the other girls but I think I should keep it between me and Dinah for now so I can really think about it and what my sexual orientation actually is.
She asked me if I was going to tell Camila, and truthfully I've not really thought about it. I have no clue what to say to her really, I can't really just come out with 'I love you more than a friend' I need to have some kind of explanation. Urgh this is all too confusing for me.
I swear from all this thinking I have read the same line of my book at least 20 times, which is very unlike me as I usually get so lost in a book but I can't get in the right zone for reading right now. I just needed to think things though. I still kept the book in my hand and pretended to turn a couple pages to make it look like I was actually reading, in actual fact I had visions of me and Camila.
Those visions didn't last long as I saw the younger girl who was sat next to me getting up.
"Erm im just going to go out for some fresh air for a bit, I might go for a walk for an hour or so" she announced to us all. The others nodded and went back to what they was doing.
"Can I come?" I asked her
"Well I was wanting to go by myself really" she admitted
"Ooh" I said sticking out my bottom lip playfully "pleasee camzzzz" I whined at her
"No sorry, I need to go alone" she said smiling. I furrowed my eyebrows at her
"Why do you need to go alone?" I questioned
"I just do okay" she said a bit more firmer this time. I could sense she was getting annoyed at my questions
"Well fine then suit yourself" I snapped back. "Sorry Lolo" she told me. I could hear that she meant it in her voice because it was so soft but I didn't answer. I heard her sigh from behind me while she out her shoes on. Before she had time to get out the door I spoke up again
"Please can I come I really need some fresh air too" I told her
"No Lauren, I am going alone. I need to think and I need to be by myself" she said trying to stay calm. I looked at her through the corner of my eye from where I was sat. I rolled my eyes and slumped back into my seat and went back to my book without saying a word. I heard the door shut and I immediately regretted everything that just happened. I was tired and when I'm tired I get snappy. I don't mean to, I just do, and when it's to the ones I care about the most it really does hurt knowing I upset them sometimes. I could see the others looking at me and I knew straight away they knew I was a little annoyed because they give me looks as if they were saying calm down its okay.
Camila is a sensitive little creature snd she even told me she doesn't like these certain moods of mine because she is scared of what I am going to say.
I guess I owe her an apology when she gets back.