If only you knew (Camren)

Chapter 49

Lauren's POV
"Pancakes! I fucking told you!" I shouted when we got into the kitchen. After I said that I regretted everything.
Sofi was sat at the table, her mum was at the oven and he dad had just walked through the door.
"Oh god I didn't mean to say that, I'm so sorry" I apologised and covered my mouth to stop other unnecessary curse words slipping.
"It's okay don't worry about it" Camila's dad said as he came over to us and just laughed it off
"How the hell did you get away with that?! If that I was me it would have caused world war 3!" Camila shout whispered when we sat down at the table
"What can I say, they love me" I said and winked at her which only ended up with a playful slap on my arm
"Camila stop hitting Lauren, your sisters there and you'll get her into bad habits" Sinu said when she came over to the table to serve us the pancakes
"Oh come on!" She exclaimed and I couldn't help but laugh at the playful family feud.
Sofi, Camila and I all ate our pancakes quickly and quietly and all that was on my mind was the plans I had made for today. I just wanted everything run smoothly, just this once is all I ask!
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We got ready as soon as we finished our breakfast we decided to get ready for today. I can't help but think something is up with Camila though, she just seems out of it almost, like shes in her own little world that I'm not in. I'm probably just being paranoid, she's okay, I'm making things worse by thinking something is up. I just need to think positive and then positive things will happen right?
"Im ready now" Camila said bringing me out of my own little world or thoughts.
"Okay lets go" I said "Oh shit" I suddenly remembered
"Whats up?" Camila asked me. I pulled out my phone and checked the time, 9:46.
"We was meant to pick my car up at 6! I completely forgot oh my god that womans gonna kill me" I panicked
"Don't worry, I text my dad last night and asked him to go and collect it for me before he left for work, I hope you don't mind. He's left it in the drive for us"
"Oh thank god for that! Can you thank him for me" I asked
"Don't worry I already have done" She told me
"Okay thank you, we can go now right?"
"Yeah lets go" She said taking my hand and squeezed it tightly
"I love you" She said and pulled me into a hug
"I love you too beautiful" I replied with a big smile on my face as her chin rested in the crook of my neck and shoulder making me feel secure and loved which is the best feeling in the world. She pulled away and smiled at me and led me to my car. I opened the door for her so she could get in then ran round to the drivers side
"Where are we going?" She asked once we had pulled out of the driveway
"Well you will find out when we get there" I teased
"Will we need our sweaters and sunglasses to hide our face?" She chuckled.
"No its fine, no one goes here. The fact we have to do that is crazy, even though we've been famous for a while now it still hasn't sunk in yet"
"I know what you mean" she agreed.
"How long will it take to get to where we're going?" She asked
"Like 5 minutes, it's not too far, I need get something from my house quick though"  I said as I took a left turn down the road to my house.
I pulled up outside my house and jumped out the car quickly to get what I needed.
I soon returned to the car and continued with the journey to where I was taking Camila.
"What did you get?" She asked yet another question
"What's with all the questions ayy?" I questioned
"I'm just a curious person, you know that" she said as she raised her eyebrows
"Well we're nearly here so you'll have them all answered"
She shook her head because she knew I wasn't going to give any hints
"do you think going down anther backroad is wise after last nights episode?" She joked as I turned down a narrow road
"Well it's either this or nothing" I stated
"Now quit with the questions okay dumbass" I smirked
She laughed at my comment but then kept herself to herself in her own little world again for the last couple minutes of the car ride.
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"Okay we're here" I said as I pulled the car up to the side of a river
"A river?" She asked. I didn't reply, I just took her hand and led her down a path at the side down to the river edge.
I let go of her hand
"Wait there" I told her as I walked further down the river bank.
When I reached the bottom I jumped onto the little wooden boat and started taking the plastic cover off it.
"Lauren you can't just go on someone's boat!" Camila shouted at me
"Who said?" I replied as I looked up at her
"Come on" I said as I motioned for her to walk towards me
"But we might get caught" she said seeking quite concerned
"Don't worry, we won't, listen it's my grandma and granpas old boat, they passed it down to me"
I saw camila look down at the side of the boat where there was a name painted.
"My grandpa built this" I told her as she slowly walked down the embankment
"It was made for my gradmas 50th birthday, she always used to love going out boating on the river when she was younger. It explains the name 'Angelica' painted on the side "
I helped camila onto the boat as I told her the rest of the story
"He made this so they can come out here to clear their thoughts. They also used to bring me out here a lot when I was younger, I actually spent most of my summer down here with my grandma, she taught me how to row it after a lot of trouble in trying"
"It's beautiful" camila admired
I unwrapped the rope from the post at the side and pushed is off the bank so we could sail.
"I can teach you if you want?" I asked her
"I think I'll pass on this one, I'll probably end up tipping us over, you seem to know what you're doing" she said. I nodded in response and rowed the boat into the middle of the river
"What made you bring me out here?" She questioned
"Well on my 12th birthday, she brought me out here and told me that when I find the one I love and know it will be forever bring them out here. She said we don't have to talk just enjoy each other's company, so that's what I did. You're the one I love and I'm sure it'll be forever. I kept my promise to her and in showing my love for you at the same time, I'm pleasing the two that mean the most to me" I opened up but made sure I was keeping on track of the river.
"I honestly feel honoured to be brought out here, I love you too and for you to say I'm the one that's going to be your forever means a lot to me because you're my forever too"
"I miss her" I admitted as I stopped rowing. We must have been halfway down the river now and it was opening up a bit more allowing us to just float around for a bit. I lifted the paddles up and placed them inside the boat
"That's a normal thing, you do miss the ones you love and you always will but they're always there with you even if it's not physically" Camila said trying to comfort me.
"Yeah I know, I just sometimes wish I could just see her once more and just hug her, I miss her hugs, I miss her words, her voice, just her presence"
She stood up slowly and came and sat on the seat next to me and wrapped her arms around me to sooth me. I let out a little sob but tried to keep it inside me. As much as I know you're supposed to open up to your other half, this whole emotional wreck wasn't planned. I guess I'm not as strong as I think.
"You okay?" She asked still with her arms wrapped around me
"Yeah I think so" i replied as I wiped my eyes a little with my shirtsleeve dampening them a little.
We pulled away from each other and I noticed a piece of paper tucked into Camila's pocket.
"What's that?" I pointed out trying not to seem rude even though I probably did. She seemed a little confused at start but then realised as she looked at her pocket.
"Oh that... It's a letter from the hospital, I was gonna open it with you but I didn't know when, I was gonna wait for the right time" she admitted to me
"Why'd you want to open it with me?"
"Because then I don't have to tell you, you can be here with me and read it, I don't have to relay it to everyone what ever it is" she explained
"Okay, what's it likely to be? Like treatment things?" I asked
"I don't know really, I mean I got all my treatment things the other day, I don't know what this is"
"Just let me row over here, there's a bench up there, we can go and sit on it instead of on here if you want" I suggested
"Yeah okay" she agreed.
There was a silence as I rowed to the other side of the river, it wasn't awkward, but it wasn't comfortable either. I could feeling it eating away at me. Slowly but getting faster as I got closer to the bank.
I helped her get out of the boat first as I tied it up to the next available post and then got myself out. We walked up the stairs to the isolated bench overlooking the whole of the river.
"So" she said
"So" was all I replied
"I'm sorry to spring this up on you like this, I wasn't planning on opening it till the right time" she tried to explain
"It's okay, I'm not bothered by that I'm more bothered about what's inside it" i said truthfully
"Do you want me to read it first then you? Or just both together?" She asked before opening it
"You can read it first, I'd rather you tell me than read it I guess" I told her
I watched her shaky hands opening the white envelope. She tore the corner revealing what was inside. With a deep breath she pulled it out and I watched her eyes scanning the paper, my heart rate was quickening and I could feel all the colour in my face being drained.
"What does it say?" I asked as she looked away from the paper
"Well let's just say radiotherapy isn't enough for this kind of cancer, apparently I'm going to have to have chemotherapy but to have that I need to be off tour, and I have two months left..." But I didn't let her finish
"Two months left?!" I almost shouted as I felt my eyes filling up
"Two months left of tour, if I want to start chemo that is anyway, if I don't then it could be bad news"
"What are you saying?" I asked
"I either carry on with the tour with my radiotherapy and it be less effective or I quit the tour after two months and then start chemo and possibly have longer"
I couldn't help but just look blankly at the girls I love. I couldn't keep myself together. I just let the tears fall
"I'm sorry" I said
"it's not your fault" she told me
"I shouldn't be crying again, I need to be strong, I want to fix this"
"I know you do, but you can't, this isnt fixable"
"Things aren't easy, but they can still be good right? Surely there's going to be some good from this, there has to be. Not everything can be shitty in my life" I let out
"No its not gonna be easy, its gonna be really hard but yeah they can be good things to this" she agreed as put her hand on my knee to try and comfort me, I didn't move. I kept my head in my hands and let the tears continue.
"It shouldn't be this hard, it shouldn't be you, it's not fair. I just, i love you, I really fucking love you Camila. We're gonna have to work at this everyday but I wanna do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever. You see the best in people, you see the best in me. We look out for each other that's what we do even when the other one screws up. You're the only thing I ever care about. You're my best friend, but most importantly the one I love. I don't know what I would do if your weren't here, please don't leave me camila. I love you too much" I cried out in between breaths. My voice was shaky as well as the rest of my body. I was numb.
"Lauren...." She said but I finally looked up at her. My eyes were red and puffy and I could see she had tears in her eyes but she didn't seem affected by the news
"You do love me right?" I asked her
"What? Yes of course I love you!" She said as she took both of my hand in hers
"What makes you think that?" She asked
"You seem to be taking this very well, look at me I'm a mess"
I said still crying
"I guess it's different when it's happening to you, I think if I was in your shoes I would be the same. It must really hurt to know the one you love is dying"
"Oh trust me, it does" I told her
"Now don't ever think I don't love you okay? I love you so much, don't think otherwise" she said sternly so I would understand. She wiped the tears that was still rolling down my cheeks.
"Look, i just want you to know the place i go to in my head when this all gets too much,  its you,  im not trying to say that in a creepy way, or to make you feel uncomfortable, but when im on my knees and im breaking in ways i cant explain, i think of you. When my sadness masks me, understand that you're one of the only things im afraid to lose. Its you, is always you and its always been you. I guess im just scared of you forgetting me, forgetting us and what we had." I admitted to her
"Dont think like that Lauren. I love you and i cant thank you enough for letting me love you. I will always love you and I feel like if I can just convince you, you'll let me keep doing that and I'm gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be okay. That's a promise. A promise to keep loving you for the rest of my life" she said with a sad smile which made me smile a little
"You're my hero, you know that right?" I informed her
"and you're mine"

Sorry about the long wait :/ you deserve a long chapter so here it is!
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Ps. http://w.tt/1TDsaK3 it would mean a lot to Tottenham14 for you guys to read this fanfic!! It's really good!