If only you knew (Camren)

Chapter 14

Camila's POV
2 long weeks since me and Lauren last spoke and a whole month since we last communicated properly as friends, I don't even know where we stand now but I really want to talk to her. Since she told me to leave her alone I have done, I've not tried to talk to her and I haven't even looked at her, and she has done exactly the same.
The other 3 girls are completely oblivious to why we are like this, I know it's not fair on them at all and I really do want to make up with Lauren and be like we was before but I doubt she even wants to know me any more after I have been such a bitch to her.
Tonight is our last show for a couple of weeks so we need to make the most of it and enjoy ourselves but it's going to be hard when me and Lauren aren't even acknowledging each other's presence.
Dinah and Lauren was getting closer and I was kinda distancing my self from everyone. It wasn't just me that was noticing these things but the fans were the ones that got me realising how distant I have become with my band members. The videos and pictures of us 5 and you can easily tell that there is tension even through a camera lens.
The past couple of days I have been trying to get more involved with the girls well ally and Normani because dinah and Lauren were doing their own little thing, luckily it has been working and they have happily let me join them in their conversations.
I went over to the 2 girls who were stood backstage for our concert.
"Hey you two" I said happily trying to hide some jealousy. Dinah and Lauren were having such a good time recently and it made me feel a little jealous from time to time, I guess I will just have to learn to ignore it. I always knew lauren would be so much better without me in her life.
"Hey mila!" Ally and normani responded in sync
"How are you" ally added
"I'm okay thanks" I said with a smile. They both raised an eyebrow at me almost like they were both thinking the same thing. The looked at each other and finally normani broke the silence
"I don't think you are Mila, what's been going on with you and Lauren? You never talk amy more. I know we haven't asked about it before but we thought it would just blow over but obviously not" she questioned
I sighed deeply and began to tell the what happened, but not fully, I had to keep both Lauren and my secrets.
"Well she told me something and I didn't agree and we had a little argument so I was ignoring her for a bit and I didn't mean for it to get like this. But when I tried to talk to her she was the one to ignore me so I guess she doesn't want to make up any more. But it's okay she seems pretty happy without me" I explained looking down at my feet trying to hold back tears
"Lauren, happy without you!" Ally exclaimed "she is anything but happy!"
"How come?" I asked shyly, kinda dreading what they was about to tell me. "The other day she was all alone in a room crying to herself, both me and normani heard her, we didn't go in because we thought she needed space. We was going to ask you sooner but you've been a bit distant" ally told me
"Camila you need to sort this, you can't go on like this both of you are hurting and its obvious you can't live without each other because you are both miserable" normani added
"She won't even talk to me so what's the point" I told them while kicking the pole that I was leaning up.
"Show starts in 1 minute, get to your places!" We heard someone shout.
"Talk to her" normani said into my ear before walking off and getting into position for our show. She was right, I need to talk to her. I just need to find the right time and place.
The concert passed by very quickly and we was soon on our last song, who are you. This was my favourite song at the moment mostly because it related to me in some ways. We got in our places and began singing, I could feel my own eyes starting to water half way through the song but I held back the tears. Once I had stopped my eyes from crying I heard one of the girls in the front row shout "LAUREN!! OH MY GOD LAUREN'S CRYING" when I heard that my attention immediately went Lauren's way and I saw that her mic was in between her knees and her head in her arms. Ally looked at me and the I saw normani turn her gaze to me. The fans were all shouting Lauren's name and poor Lauren was crying uncontrollably on stage. I didn't know what to do, I was about to stand up and walk over to Lauren but that's when I saw her throw her mic onto the floor and run off stage, the shocked looks on all the the fans and the other girls faces were all the same. No one knew what was going on but i didn't hesitate and I ran after Lauren.
I saw her run into the toilets and I quickly followed. I saw her slowly sliding down the wall at the back of the bathroom head once again in her hands and the tear were still falling.
"Lauren" I said full of concern and sympathy
"Fuck off!" She shouted at me. I stepped back in shock not expecting her to say that.
"Lo, look im so sorry"
"Don't you fucking call me that" she warned
"I'm sorry for everything that has happened, please hear me out" I begged tear now running down my cheeks.
"Why should I listen to you?!" She asked with anger filling her eyes and she looked up at me. Her eyes were red and puffy, black make up all running down her face and I couldn't help but cry even harder knowing I had caused this pain. "Because I'm your best friend and we need to sort this out" I finally said
"Was! I was your best friend" she spat
"Lauren, no please don't say that" I said while my heart was breaking with every moment that passed by.
"Why should I say that your are my 'best friend'. I let you in. I fucking let you in and you completely destroyed me by avoiding me like I wasn't even there. I might as well be invisible, no one will miss me at all! Who would actually give a shit if I was gone?! Fuck you for leaving me when I needed you! I love you Camila but you go and avoid me like I have some sort of disease, you don't know how much that hurts. A couple of months ago we stayed up till 3am talking now we don't even say hi!"
She said still full of anger but also her eyes still kept producing more and more tears.
"I'm sorry Lauren let me explain" I tried once more
"Fine. Explain why you have such a good reason to ignore me!" Lauren finally said
"Well, let's jus say you are not the only one that has feel in love with her best friend. I love you too Lauren just as much as you love me but I'm scared. I'm scared of what would happen if we get together and then break up. What will we do then? We will just forget each other" i explained as best I could without spilling my other little secret.
"no Camila, just forget it. Just fucking forget everything, I'm pretty sure these feelings will be gone soon. just keep avoiding me that should do the trick" she said standing up and barging past me then slamming the door behind her. I didn't have to think and I ran after her. She went into the dressing room and I saw her once again sliding down the wall in hysterics. I walked in and bravely sat down next her her and placed my arm slowly onto her shoulder. She cried into my arm for a while before speaking up.
"When I was on stage and I was thinking about that kiss we had I was telling myself I know you have a heart and you would do nothing to hurt me. I was feeling so confident and so great about myself, but then it got completely shattered, by one thing. By something so stupid but then you made me feel like it's all my fault. I am in so much pain. I just miss you so much Camila.
Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning feeling hopeless, feeling like the love of your life is waking up and is completely oblivious about the feelings people have for her. I want to be with you, but I also want you to be happy even know it's never going to be with me" she told me after the anger had rushed out of her
"The only way I will be happy is if you are with me. I need you here, on my bed, always beside me, sleeping next to me in the most innocent sense. To just cuddle and be able to feel you holding me knowing I'm safe, I want to be able to call you mine. I need that, right now. I need you forever and always... And if I ever say different you should know that it isn't me saying it; that I am corrupt and not in control, because I will always need you" I told her while wiping my own eyes dry.
"I still remember the day I first met, I was amazed by how perfect you was. I have always been in love with you camz, it just needed something to trigger it off" she told me
"I know exactly what you mean" I replied to the older one who had now finally stopped crying
"You were what I wanted but it never seemed like you wanted me so I guess because of that I wanted to stop wanting you so bad but it didn't work.
I just don't understand why you didn't accept it" she questioned
"I didn't accept it because I didn't want it to be real and ruin everything. But as the days went on I realised I had feeling and they were growing stronger and I couldn't fight it any more" I told her truthfully
"People say you don't know what you have till it's gone, but I think we always know what we have, we just never expect it to leave. It's late at night and I just want to scream and tell you how much I miss you but instead I just lie there and tell myself to be quite and forget it all" she said sadly
I took a deep breath and did something that could easily go wrong but could go really well. I looked Lauren deep in the eyes and slowly closed the gap between us.
I pressed my lips onto hers and she instantly kissed me back and we kissed slowly and passionately.
When we pulled away I saw her smile slightly "better?" I asked while cupping her cheek "yeah" she said smile and leaned in for another kiss. This kiss was shorter than the other one because I had pulled away quite quickly and looked towards the ground
"Camz? What's up?" Lauren asked me when she saw my eyes filling up with tears
"I'm going to tell you something, and you promise not to be mad at me for not telling you, and it also might explain my reason for ignoring you a bit better" I told her
"Erm yeah I promise" she said while sitting up straight and looking deeply into my eyes.
"I... I...