Stand By Me - Leah Williamson

Impermanence

Was I apprehensive to join Arsenal, yes. But did I know it was the right move, yes.

As much as I loved Manchester Utd and all the girls, I knew this was the right move for me, I'd taken my career as far as I could in Manchester so when the offer came through, it was a no brainer. Initially, the decision felt a lot easier than it now did.

My dad, and my whole family in fact, were massive Arsenal fans. Of course, they supported me massively at Manchester United and my aunt and grandparents would come to every game they could, but I knew they would be ecstatic when they heard the news. I wanted to wait until I'd signed my contract to tell them.
I just didn't feel ready yet, nor did any of this feel real. So I wanted reality to sink in before I surprised them all.

I have such vivid memories of my dad and I running around the garden when I was about five pretending to be Arsenal players; Thierry Henry had always been my favorite, I would wear a jersey with his name printed on the back which was about five sizes too big and would drag across the floor as I ran around, kicking the ball as best I could. But in hindsight, it was perfect.

I wanted to make this move for my dad more than anything, he'd be so proud, it's what we had always dreamed of. If he were still here, I know he would have come on every part of the journey, come to every match and been behind me all the way. He'd never stop telling everyone, his girl played for the gunners. He would have been the proudest man alive. 

But I'd miss the girls massively, I'd grown to be at home at Manchester United. They'd seen me go through a lot and had supported me through every event. I wouldn't be the person I am today without that club and I'd forever be thankful to them and everyone there, but I knew, no matter how hard it would be, I needed to take this step in life.

Alessia Russo and I lived together in the sweetest apartment near the grounds and were pretty inseparable, she'd always been there for me and I don't quite know what I'd do not seeing her every day, she was disappointed when I broke the news to her but she was my biggest fan and was ridiculously proud of me. 
Us being best friends worked perfectly, we balanced each other out. Alessia was always so sunny and optimistic, she was like a constant breath of fresh air. Her laughter was contagious and her smile was intoxicating, she always said the right thing, no matter the situation. I was more fiery and unpredictable, no one knew what I was going to do most of the time, including me, but it normally made life exciting. But Alessia knew just how to calm me down when things became too much, she was the only person who really got me, there had been a couple of people in the past, but none of them had ever stuck by me in the way Alessia did.

She was my first call for everything, every time I scored a goal, she'd be the one I ran too or when I was sick, she was the one to make soup and watch crappy TV with me all day. In a way, it never quite occurred to me that there would be a time when we weren't constantly in one another's company. Even when I first made the decision to transfer, I hadn't really thought about the fact I'd be leaving Alessia.

I suppose that's the problem with me making such rash decisions, I never quite think everything through and the more I thought about this, the more it felt like I'd made a mistake, but I just kept telling myself that this is what my dad would have wanted. This is what we started this entire footballing journey for. This is what the endless hours of shooting practices and car journeys had led up to. This is what I was supposed to do. 

Ella Toone was another of my closest friends who I'd miss massively, she was a great player of course but probably an even better person. It was great being with her and we always had a laugh, sometimes at the expense of other people, but it was always harmless fun. 

I also knew, me joining Arsenal meant I'd be faced by some people who I tried to avoid as much as possible, to protect myself more than anything. But I was trying not to think about that, I'd cross that bridge when I came to it. 

There were also a lot of familiar faces at Arsenal, from playing as a Lioness for the past few years.
Beth Mead and I had been close for years, she was much like that one cool aunt to me, she was just the right balance of fun and responsible. She'd always been there when I needed her, whether that was because I forgot my jumper for training or everything was just too much. She was great.

I was pulled out of my whirlpool of thoughts by a knock on the door, I opened it to find Alessia, "Forgot my keys, sorry," she said, a small smile on her face.

"It's fine, just don't do that anymore, I won't be here to save the day," I replied, laughing as I walked to the pile of boxes stacked across our living room wall.

"What am I going to do without you?" She asked, shaking her head, I know she meant it as a joke, but really, what was I going to do without Alessia? What would happen when I slept through my alarm or couldn't get any words out or when everything went downhill again? She seemed to be the one constant my life depended on.

I stood there glumly, blinking as the thoughts all raced across my mind, going a million miles an hour, "Kameron. You Good?" Alessia pulled me out of my trance, walking over to me, nudging my shoulder.

"Yeah, it's just happening for real now."

"Yep, it's happening," she replied, the smile now fading, "We should think about getting going though, it's a long drive."

I nodded and we started taking the boxes down to my car. It's strange how everything in your life can get packed into a car full of boxes and it all moves so quickly. So quickly, it can appear that I was never there at all, just like I disappeared, perhaps it shows the true impermanence of things.