Stand By Me - Leah Williamson

The Girl I'd Left

Kameron's POV

"What happened Kam," Ingrid asked as she passed me a cup of tea. 

From the minute I'd entered Lucy's apartment, I'd sat on the sofa, almost statue like. Shock had frozen me yet behind the surface was the busiest my mind had ever been. Turning back and forth, wanting to run all through London back to Leah and fall into her arms and stay there forever. But knowing that ultimately this was the best decision. 

"I had to leave her," I said, complete hopelessness showed itself in the form of tears rolling down my cheeks like a constant rainfall. 

Ingrid, took my hand and sat beside me on the sofa, "Do you want to talk about it?"

I nodded, knowing that the cut would never truly be healed, but I couldn't leave it and attempt to ignore it, I had to face everything head on from now on. 

I had to get truly better for Leah. Getting back to her was my only motivation to live, our vows of loving each other forever and finding our way back to one another were the only things keeping me going. 

"She was going to step back from football to look after me," I had to take a few breaths to calm myself slightly, "I couldn't let her do it Ingrid. I just couldn't," I sobbed. 

Ingrid pulled me into her arms, my tears soaking her jumper, "shhh, Kammy it's going to be okay. I promise you that everything will work out."

"But what if it doesn't?" I sobbed.

"The universe works in strange ways sometimes, you don't always understand it, but it will all work out," Ingrid assured me.

"What if Leah and I don't find our ways back to each other?"

"You will Kameron. You and Leah have something that no one else could ever dream of, that girl loves you endlessly. However long it takes, however many bumps are in the road and however much it hurts, you two will find each other again."

"I have so much to say to her but I'll never get to say it."

Ingrid thought for a few seconds, "Write it then. Every time you want to say something to Leah, write it. Never send the letters but you can keep them in a little box."

My thoughts stopped for a second, it was a good idea, "Yeah, I'll try that. I want to do that."

I took a couple of minutes to compose myself and then I wrote my first letter, the goodbyes flashing through my mind once again, my head falling into my hands as I sobbed. But it did help, my feelings were out for the universe to see. This letter was somehow a hello and goodbye simultaneously. 

Ingrid just sat by me, not reading my words, but supporting me from a comfortable distance, I looked at her, teary eyed and jaw quivering, "Come here Kammy," she pulled me into her arms and I gladly let it happen, Ingrid's presence had always comforted me, she was so naturally calm, "It's going to get better. Alright?"

No words left my mouth, I didn't even attempt to speak, nothing would make this any better. My world had truly burnt down and I'd been the one to create the first flame.

This felt so much worse than grief, this was grief that came in layers and waves; each one kicking me down, drowning me further. It stole my thoughts, my breath, my appetite and my soul. 

I'd fallen asleep in Ingrid's arms that night, life had torn me down step by step over time and it felt as if I had nothing else in the world left. My body physically ached and my heart was left behind in the hands of the girl I loved. 

The girl I'd left. 

________________

Leah's POV

I'd stood there for thirty minutes after Kameron had left, shaking and cold on the streets of London, clutching onto the only comfort I had of Kam's, the hoodie. I think subconsciously, I was waiting for her to return, to decide it had all been a mistake, I waited for her to run back into my arms and to feel her warmth again. 

But I knew that was going to happen because as much as I hated to admit it, Kam was right. I would give it all up for her, and she'd do the same for me. It occurred to me that she'd everything up so that I wouldn't. She was already out of football for a while but she'd given up me, she'd given up the life she was building, she'd given up the apartment. She'd given it all up so that I'd have no choice but to continue doing the thing I loved.

Kameron was the most selfless and loving person to ever grace this world, it was her biggest attribute and somehow our downfall. 

It was cruel, not by Kameron, but by the world for putting us in this position. We'd fought and battled so many wars and somehow this had been the one to finally kill us. I'd thought we were together to battle the world, but when it came down to it, Kameron would sacrifice herself to save me. Our love had killed us like a shot straight to the heart, and that's what it felt like. 

Eventually, I'd trailed back inside to the apartment we once shared and slumped onto the sofa, exhausted and hopeless, wondering when it had all started to go wrong. There was nothing that I could do to get Kameron back, she had her own journey to go along and I respected that, I wanted that for her. But it didn't make it any easier to sit there and feel the extremity of her absence. 

There was silence for once, I didn't have the beat of Kameron's heart to listen to nor the rhythm of her breaths. I didn't have the chimes of her laughter or the sweetness of her words. I was left in the silence with nothing but a cold cup of tea by my side.

We hadn't even spent a single full day together since she got out of the hospital, I'd so looked forward to sleeping with her in my arms, the familiar comfort of knowing she was okay as I felt her breath on my neck. 

Everything within me, hoped and prayed that Kameron and I would find our way back to one another but I was beginning to question how many wars two people can survive, no matter how perfect they are for each other. It seemed like the world was against us, constantly throwing new challenges. But I knew Kameron and I were it for each other, we had been since we were kids, Kameron's dad had even seen it. 

It just seemed like a waiting game now, but I knew I couldn't put my life on hold waiting for Kameron to return when there was a possibility she never would. Kam wanted me to go out and live, so I refused to sit there forever and wallow in my self pity. 
Though, tonight was a night when nothing was going to ease the pain in my heart and mind.

When Kameron and I had separated all those years ago, there was only one person who had truly helped, when I was with them on the odd occasion the pain would seem duller and I'd almost forget the girl I loved, just momentarily though. Nothing would ever drive me to the point where I could ignore her existence completely. 

"Jordan," my voice shook, still fresh with tears and cries.

"Yeah. Are you alright Leah?"

"Not really, can you come over?