Stand By Me - Leah Williamson

That's The Dream

Kameron's POV

The training camp had passed by like a blur, mainly because we were always so busy, not at all overworked but even when we weren't training we'd have lunches, interviews or most of the time, just hang out all together. Always something to keep us preoccupied, if we wished for it. 

The lionesses were truly like a family. 

I'd performed really well, I knew that, and I could tell Sarina was happy and impressed, I'd scored in all the mini matches we'd played, made little to no mistakes and seemed to bring a presence to the pitch. I'd done well, really well.

Throughout the week I'd gotten close with most of the girls, obviously I was still closest with Leah and Alessia, and then Lucy, Beth, Keira, Ella and Jill were my other close friends. But Georgia, Chloe and I had also gotten along really well. 

Everyone on the team held such a good energy. All of us individually were good people, but when we came together it was almost as if you'd connected one of those high school physics circuits and the bulb lit up, we all came together and fit together perfectly, like a puzzle. 

Sarina had continued to surprise me as a manager, but in only good ways. She brought such a passion to the team, that it made all the players even more determined, she was so straight to the point yet still so kind. She was like the leader of our pride, so confident in her abilities yet so approachable. 

A couple of days ago, Leah had received the best news ever, Sarina had picked her as captain, she'd run out of the office beaming, straight to find me. I screamed when I found out, jumping to hug her and she held me tight, telling her how proud I was and those words would have never gotten my point across, I was unexplainably proud of her, this was the biggest achievement one could have. 
My first reaction was shock, but then I thought about it and I wasn't surprised, Leah was the best captain Arsenal could ever have and in training she performed so well, always so composed and confident. She was a natural born leader and a manager like Sarina, could see that instantly. 

Every night, I was completely shattered, I'd always tire myself out to the point that I'd quite literally fall into bed and be asleep instantly, Leah had swapped rooms with Alessia because she assured her that she was the one to look after me. She'd also said to her, that she wouldn't be able to sleep anyway, if she couldn't see me. Over time, she'd gotten slightly less anxious. But only slightly.
She did now sleep in Alessia's bed, I did miss the comfort of her warmth but it was expected to happen at some point. Leah didn't completely trust me, but she was on the way there, she'd let me leave the room alone now, close doors, and though these didn't seem like a big deal, but I knew they were for Leah. 

Truthfully, I was keeping so distracted that I felt like I was in a good place, my act was great because I believed it almost all of the time. Though, I never wanted to stop, I was scared what would catch up to me if I was still, so I just kept running, and that was very easy to do in a place like this. 

Plus, I was eating, not because I was finding it any easier, but because I'd told myself just to get everything down my throat for the next few weeks, be able to play in the Euros and then I could go back to what I was comfortable with. I knew that wasn't a healthy mindset, but I needed to play in that tournament and this was the only way I could see it happening. Dr Porter had given me a food plan and I was eating that, not that there was any improvements in my weight, but I had more energy now, which was the most important thing. 

To be honest, I hadn't really thought about my revelation about Leah, I couldn't let myself dwell on it, it would hurt too much. I loved her and she didn't love me, well she loved me, but not in that way, I was certain of it. So I pushed my feelings to the side and we were going great, so my own advice had worked like a charm.

Today was the day though, it was selection day. Sarina was calling everyone into her office, one by one, to let them know if they made the squad, and a few details like their position and if they were likely to be in the starting line up. 

I sat in the hall way so anxious, it was my turn next, I hugged my knees tightly, Jill came out of the room beaming, she gave me a big thumbs up. I was pretty certain that I could see every single one of her teeth with how big her smile was, it made me happy though, she deserved to be in the team.

"Kameron? You ready?" Sarina ushered me in. 

I sat down, steadying my breathing, these felt like the biggest moments in my life. Was I in, or not?

"I won't keep you waiting any longer," Sarina smiled, "Well done Kameron! You're in the squad!"

In those moments, I honestly could have cried, I was so relieved, my whole body had a sense of lightness, like the chair beneath me had disappeared and I was just floating. I felt like I was on top of the world. 

"Thankyou, I'm honored," I stayed calm and professional though, a big smile on my face. 

"Of course! You deserve it," Sarina always talked with her hands, I loved that, "You have played perfectly in training and I'm so excited to see what you can do out there on the pitch. I know you'll be great. Truly, you are one of, if not, the best center forward I've ever witnessed. You're truly so talented Kameron."

I nodded, beaming with pride, "Thankyou, it means a lot coming from you."

"We're planning on you playing center forward," that was my preferred position, "And you'll be in the starting line up, I'm planning on having the same starting line up for every match to keep consistency."

"It all sounds perfect."

"Thankyou, I'm excited to see you at the games. You can go home now, have a couple of days rest and I'll be glad to see you after the weekend."

I smiled, taking a paused, "It's coming home Sarina," I just couldn't resist saying it, not only was I so invested and honored to be playing as a Lioness, but I was the biggest football fan ever, I lived for this. I just had to say it. 

Sarina laughed, "that's the dream Kameron. That is the dream."

Stepping out of Sarina's office, I still couldn't dim the smile on my face. I then saw Leah waiting by the door, her face filled with anticipation, looking almost anxious. As soon as she saw the smile on my face she knew, she cheered, picking me up and spinning me around. 

My smile grew even wider, this was a special moment.

In moments like this, when all the emotions were so real and raw, I couldn't forget about my love for Leah, it was truly impossible. So I just had to accept it for those moments, Bukayo was right, it was painful, so ridiculously painful.
Because I knew we had such different perceptions and love for each other, to her I was her friend, maybe she saw me as fragile or something she had to fix. But she loved me and I think she enjoyed my company, at least I'd hope so.
To me, Leah was everything, I held her up on a pedestal, she was the person I would go to for anything. I was irrevocably in love with her. She was my person, she'd forever be my person, I was certain of it. She was the glue holding me together, without her, I'd shatter the moment a light breeze passed through me. 

"I'm so proud," Leah smiled as she put me down, her eyes locking right into mine, why did she always have to do that? 

"We're going to the Euros!" I shouted, running down the hall. 

"Woooo!" Leah grabbed my hand, pulling me back, meaning I was stood with my face right in front of hers. We were so close to each other, I could feel her breath. The moment was no longer filled with excitement and loudness, it was intimate and quiet, like we were the only ones to exist, "no one that I'd rather be there with," she breathed out, I could feel each and every word leave her lips. 

I smiled back at her, it wasn't a big grin like before though, it was a smile that could have led to a tear rolling down my face, I'm not exactly sure what it meant. But I think Leah was, as she returned the smile and we sort of just stood there for a few seconds, not moving closer, but not moving away. 

Those moments meant everything to me, more than any conversation ever could, we just had such an understanding of each other that we didn't need words. Her eyes told me everything. 

It was special.