Stand By Me - Leah Williamson

This Smile

Currently, I was cursing myself for setting up plans between Leah and I, I couldn't decide what to wear, the weather wasn't putting me in a good mood and overall I just felt crap.

Leah has offered to set everything up, she knew how awful I was at decisions, it was a widely known fact. I didn't have a single clue what was going on, she was set on it being a secret, which was strange, considering it wasn't a date, or anything. But she'd always liked to play these sort of games, Leah did it with everyone. She'd told me to dress 'casual but nice' which baffled me a little.

I grabbed my phone, ringing for Alessia who quickly picked up, "What's up?" she asked, already realizing the mood. 

"I don't know what to wear Less, it's impossible. What does casual but nice even mean?"

"Okay, so breathe. We'll figure this out, you've got ages before you have to go."

"I know, but I want to be ready early so nothing can go wrong."

Alessia just laughed at me down the phone, I was doing a miserable job at playing things cool. 

Eventually, we settled on a brown, baggy leather jacket with dark wash, blue, baggy jeans and a white tank top. Looking at it laid out on my bed, it seemed a very simple outfit for the stress it caused, but Alessia assured me simple is normally better, and I tended to agree.

By the time I'd dried my hair, done my makeup, put on my outfit, and checked everything just shy of a hundred times, it was time for Leah to pick me up. I'd told her she didn't have to, but she'd insisted. 

The knock on my door signified her arrival, I opened the door being met by Leah's smile as she leant across from the door. She looked amazing, she was wearing a black leather coat, black trousers and a black jumper, her hair in the signature high ponytail, but somehow it looked even better than usual. She never failed to look put together. 

"You look great," she smiled, before I even got a chance to reply, she grabbed my hand, dragging me out of my apartment, making me laugh at her eagerness.

"Where are we going Leah?" I asked, hoping she'd finally give in. 

We took the lift down to the ground floor, where an Uber was waiting for us, she opened up the door for me and then climbed in afterwards. 

"No," she replied smirking. 

She was enjoying this far too much for my liking, she liked that she was the one in control, "You, Leah Williamson," I pointed to her, "Are a control freak."

"It is true," she replied, still not budging. 

"Come on, one clue."

Leah huffed, secretly I knew she was waiting for this, already prepared, she jokingly roller her eyes, "okay, fine," she brought out her phone, only confusing me more and then put an air pod in my ear. At this point, I was stumped. 

Take Me to Church started playing, I knew it was one of Leah's favorite songs, and one of mine too, it didn't make much sense to me so I just blurted out random guesses, "You're taking me to really pretty church?"

She just laughed, shrugging her shoulders. 

"We're getting married, " she just laughed even more, "I think if that's the case though, you could have given me some warning."

I gave up, it was clear she wasn't going to give into me, I'd let her have her fun, it was only fair, she seemed to have put effort into this. 

We drove through the streets of London, normally I'd be admiring the view of the city, but my eyes continued falling back on to Leah, and every time my breath would hitch in my throat and a pit would fall to my stomach. She honestly felt like an angel sent from heaven, dramatic as it may sound, but there was no other words that came to mind.

There was this endless feeling of calm and confidence, which radiated off her, and the smile that so often lay on her face, so perfect and intoxicating that even on my darkest days, I would smile too. The way she cared was like no other, no one else had ever made me feel so seen. She made me feel, like me. 

Leah was just utterly perfect. 

She looked back at me, catching me just staring at her, she just smiled back taking my hand in hers and then looking back out to the streets, at that point, when her fingers intertwined with mine, I'd completely lost the ability to breathe, let alone talk or think. It felt so much like home, but so new, so strangely familiar yet unknown. Nothing made sense. 

Eventually, the car came to a stop, we thanked the driver and got out, Leah never let go of my hand, only holding it tighter as she led me down the street. 

"Okay, now can you tell me what's happening," I whined, still being left completely in the dark.

Leah laughed, shaking her head, "When you see this, you are going to feel stupid for not getting that clue."

She dragged me along the streets, seeming to know exactly where we where heading, she'd always had a great sense of direction, not just in the literal sense, or on the pitch. She always seemed to have that talent in life too, I'd admired her for it, and slightly envied her, even. 

Eventually, we arrived at a building, some sort of venue, then it clicked, somehow after all this time, a music venue. I just stood there, the lines all crossing and my mouth dropping, "You didn't!" I basically yelled at Leah in excitement, not truly even knowing what we were doing yet. But, when music and Leah were put together, it normally meant something good, that girl had incredible music taste.

She just nodded, tugging at my hand, to pull me inside, "Come on, don't want to be late," the smiles spreading widely across both our faces. 

Then I saw the posters, it was Hozier. Of course, it was Hozier. He was one of both our favorite artists and sung one of our shared favorite songs. I was just in shock she'd managed to set this up and everything, plus the fact she cared enough to, I couldn't hide the grin.

We walked inside and it was a somewhat small venue, not many people had arrived yet though, so we were close to the front, Leah stood there for a few seconds looking around the room in the same manner she'd look across the pitch, maybe she was just an incredibly nosey person. 

I just admired her, not even looking at her at looks, just thinking about what she'd done, it reminded me that someone cared. Through all this crap and the lows of life, I felt like I had a lot of people surrounding me, but no one actually there, but I had Leah. Leah cared. 

Now noticing, that I was looking at her, she returned a smile, "you are truly amazing," I said. 

Her smile widened, "I know," she nodded, I could see she was proud of herself.

"Thankyou, Le, this is amazing."

"See, this is what I wanted," she pointed at my face, "I wanted this smile back."

"I smile," I replied, my face locked with confusion.

"No," she clarified, "I wanted this smile back, the real one. I don't care about that training one, its a façade, no one else may be able to see that, but I could from the start. I like this smile much better. Your smile."

There was nothing I could say to this, the words meant so much, they meant I was understood. She understood me. 

I just wrapped my arms around her neck, brining her into a hug, one she quickly reciprocated as she wrapped her arms around my waist, swinging me from side to side, gently. 

For once, everything was quiet, the voices in my head were hushed, the tearing hole in my stomach ceased and the ongoing fall of the world was lifted. I wanted to stay there forever, in her arms, where I felt safe.

Leah was the person that made life, worth living. These moments were worth the days where I was constantly drowning, gasping for air. They were worth the times where I felt trapped in this bubble that was life and all I wanted to do was pop it and escape. These moments were worth everything.