Secrets

Chapter 16

I am up early... After waking up yet again i had just given up and had gone and do some Yoga in the gym... I sighed and rolled my eyes when Steve walks in for his morning workout... The tension is filling the room and i can't... I just can't... I had hoped by being this early i would avoid him, but he was earlier than usual and interrupted my session but i didn't want to be in the same room as him... So, i grabbed my stuff and walked out... "Cleo..." Steve said as i walked past him but i ignored him...

I felt humiliated... Stupid for letting him come so close to me... But most of all hurt and confused... He kissed me... He made the first move... And yet i had reacted like i craved him... I had not stopped him when he kissed me or when his hand roamed my body... I had reacted by letting him touch me and enjoying it... Craving it... Because that is what was still etched in my brain... The pleasure... The want... It was embarrassing... I just felt so stupid... 

I had barely slept waking up constantly and was hoping that Yoga would give me a boost for the day but of course i couldn't even have that... I should have stayed in my room... I walked upstairs went into my room and took a shower... It didn't help because i still could feel his touch all over my body... I sighed and walked to the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone... I would be damned if i would let him influence me to extend that i would screw up my job... If that has been his intention i would not let him have that...

I make breakfast and clean up the kitchen taking a plate to my room for myself... The rest of the day i spend in my room working... I dont want to be in my office... I dont want to be in the place i was humiliated... Part of me hoped they all would go on a mission soon... I could use some alone time... I scolded myself because i was basically wishing disaster on other people in order to get some peace and quiet... 

In the evening i went to the kitchen to make dinner and i squealed seeing Thor standing in the kitchen... He smiled and i ran over hugging him and he hugged me back... "Lady Cleo... You are looking much better..." He says and i smile thinking about his flash visit when i still was badly hurt... He was called away again after a few hours something to do with his brother... 

"I am feeling much better..." I said smiling... "Are you staying for dinner?" I ask and he nods... "If you dont mind..." He says and i shake my head... "No of course not..." I say and smile as i start to make dinner... I could feel Steve his eyes on me the whole time i was talking with Thor... He looked annoyed but i didn't care... Part of me enjoyed it... I hope it would hurt because i the course of the day i had decided i would not hide... I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me... That the images of his hands all over my body and his lips on my kept running through my head... 

I finished dinner and sat next to Thor to eat talking about what he has been doing... I just loved his stories about Asgard... They sounded like fairytales...  After dinner i cleaned up and Tony told everyone we would be having a party tomorrow for Thor his return... 

"I need to go dress shopping then..." I said and grinned at Bucky... "No..." He said shaking his head... "Yes..." I said smirking and this went back and forth a bit... But when i threatened to call Nat, he gave in... Sam just laughed saying that his arm was perfect for carrying all my bags... I smirked in victory at Bucky who gave me an eye roll... "Dont worry Buck... I'll buy you something nice..." I said smirking and he rolled his eyes but had a smile on his face...

I hung out with them in the living room a little longer...  All the while  i could feel Steve his eyes on me but i ignored it... Sharon joined him a little later and i took a deep breath ignoring this. The fact she was all over him was annoying me... It made me feel angry... I should feel guilty... He kissed me and was still with her... And deep down i know that that was the reason he stopped... I know it is wrong to cheat even on a person like Sharon... But i know i wouldn't have stopped him at that moment... But again, he kissed me... She hasn't been nice to me from day one... I should feel guilty but i did not... Not towards her... The only thing i felt was hurt, shame, anger and most of all frustration... For him not finishing the job... For leaving me hanging... For not fucking my brains out... 

In the corner of my eyes i saw Steve sit up so she couldn't be all over him like she normally was... He seemed to be colder to her than he normally was... I know it was evil but part of me liked that... Liked that he avoided her advances... But i knew after a while they would be back to normal... He would get over his own guilt if he had any and they would be the happy couple again... 

 I was getting tired... All these emotions were draining me and i hated him for it... I stood up and wished everyone goodnight and that i was going to bed.  I turned to Bucky telling him i wanted to leave for shopping at 10... and that i would see them all tomorrow at breakfast first... I made a quick detour to the kitchen to get some things out for breakfast in the morning before i walked to my room... 

I was walking to my room letting out a sigh when all of a sudden Steve appeared... He stepped in front of me but i just ignored him and stepped around him walking on... "Cleo..." He said but ignored him and walked on... "CLEO!" He said now louder but i pretended i didn't hear and walked into my room and closed the door behind me...  To me he was air... But tomorrow at the party i would show him what he had missed out on... I was going to buy a killer dress... I was going to have a good time... And maybe find someone to ease my frustration...