Secrets

Chapter 41

I sneak back into my apartment with Bear. Steve was still in a deep sleep, when Bear had nudged me awake to let me know he needed to pee. I had untangled myself from his grip and took Bear on a quick walk... I heard crying from the bedroom and when i walked in Steve was trashing around in the bed still asleep but clearly having a nightmare... 

My chest tightened and my heart broke as he looked in pain... I know i shouldn't but i crawled into bed wrapping him in my arms and he pulled me even closer in his sleep... He was still crying and i entered his brain wanting to see his nightmare... 

He was chained to the wall... Sharon kneeling in front of him with an evil smile on her face as she showed him pictures... He was sobbing asking her why she killed me... over and over...I redirected the nightmare putting happy memories in his head and i could feel his body relax... 

I laid there in his arms... My mind was working overtime... I had to admit that it felt so good lying in his arms again... I didn't have a problem admitting that the love i had for him had never gone... But to my surprise it was just as strong... Was i a fool for staying here instead of giving in and having him take me home... Home... The compound had become home, and this was just the hide out... The realization set in that i had become more attached than i could even fathom... 

The furniture we had ordered must have been delivered by now... This week we had plans to decorate and finish the apartment... I had been looking forward to it so much... The thought of living together even in the compound... Just the two of us but still having the option of hanging out with the rest had made me so happy as it seemed like a big step in my eyes... Was i willing to step back from that... Did i hate him enough to walk away from that... I came to the conclusion that yes i was hurt and yes it would take time to get back to normal but no i did not hate him... Although i didn't agree with what he did and i wasn't ready to forgive completely i was willing to move forward... And part of me could understand why he did what he did... Although i still couldn't understand why he didn't just tell me and talked to me about it... But i dont think he was understanding himself... Knowing everything i know now i think fear got a hold of him...

I know i had walked away and had every reason to, but the last few days had been hell... I had hoped that missing Steve would get less... But instead, it had become stronger... Every day the longing for him got stronger and when i opened the door and he stood there my heart had skipped a beat and if a heart could smile it did... 

The big question in my mind... Was i ready to go back... Was i ready for Steve to leave without me... Was i naive thinking we could get passed this... Was i pathetic for the fact that i felt lost without him... Would the others accept me back after what i had done to them... After they saw what i really was capable off... Would they ever trust me again... Have they ever trusted me... 

I sighed as my mind was working overtime and i was getting a headache... I focused on myself taking the headache away... 

"Princess..." A soft voice whispered sending shivers through my body and i looked up my eyes meeting Steve's... "What is going on in that pretty head of yours..." He whispered and i sighed... I made a decision right then and there... Maybe it was a foolish one but i couldn't deny my heart anymore... "Take me home Steve..." I whispered... "Really?" He whispered surprised and i nodded... "I am not saying we will be back to normal right away... But please take me home..." I whispered and Steve nodded... 

"You dont know how happy that makes me princess and we can take all the time you want... You are in control..." He said and i sighed... "But Steve..." I said wanting to make one thing clear... "This is it... No more lies... or secrets... If you have something to tell me, do it now... Because if i find out some other lie or secret i will leave and that, will be it... Then you won't find me ever again... I am not an unreasonable person and if you need something from me in this relationship... Talk... Just talk and we can deal with it together..." I say and he takes in a sharp breath... "No more lies... No more secrets... and communication... I promise..." He whispers and i let out a deep sigh...

I still didn't know if this was the right decision but i was tired of being sad and hurting because every fiber in my being craved him... I was tired of fighting against the urge of wanting to go home... Steve was my home... 

After lying in bed for a few more hours Steve helped me to pack my stuff... He smiled and held up the hoodie i had taken with me and i blushed... "I didn't leave because i didn't love you anymore... I need a part of you with me..." I say shrugging my shoulders... He smiled and i took it out of his hands and put it on... I gathered Bear his stuff and leashed him up... "Ready?" Steve asked and i shrugged my shoulders... "I guess so..." I mumble and Steve sighs... "Princess... If you are not ready i will understand... You dont have to go back until you are ready... I dont want you to do something you are not ready for..." Steve whispered pulling me in his arms and i laid my head on his chest...

"I am scared... I have been awful to the others... I had gone crazy... I threatened them... I mean do they still want me there...?" I murmur... I know what Peter had told me but i also know Peter was left out on so many things so he would not always get it right... 

Steve chuckled... "Princess i am not the only one lost without you... It hasn't been the same without you... The kitchen is quiet all the time... People are withdrawn... Wanda and Vision have left again... even though they originally planned on staying at the compound for a while, but Wanda couldn't take the depressing mood and needed to leave before it influenced her too much... Tony and Banner are locked away in their labs all the time again... Clint is only at the compound when really needed... Nat misses her best friend and is in her room all the time... Peter... Well, you probably know Peter is lost without you and is coming to the compound less and less... Until he exploded and said he wouldn't come by anymore until you were back... Even Bucky and Sam are no longer bickering with each other... They all miss you like crazy... Like it or not... You have become the glue of our weird family... You made us better and we were not even realizing it until you were gone..." Steve says and i feel a tear run down my cheek... 

"Dont cry princess..." He whispers and bury my head in his chest as he holds me while i sobbed... Every emotion came to the surface, and he held me as i cried it out...When i finally pulled myself together i looked up at him... "Let's go home..." I whispered and Steve smiled taking my hand in one and the leash of Bear in the other...

He helped me put everything in my car and after i had gotten behind the wheel i froze... He wasn't going to drive with me... He had come here on his bike... He seemed to notice and pulled out his phone calling someone and he opened the driver's door again taking my hand walking me around the car and opening the passenger door for me... 

I got in and he walked around and got behind the wheel... He started the car and just when he was about to pull out i saw 2 of Tony's suits fly in... I still couldn't believe it sometimes what they were capable off... One of the suits became a sort of harness around the bike and the other suit lifted it up and flew away with it... "Sometimes it is so weird that this is my life now..." I mumble as i watched Steve's bike being flown off... "Try waking up after 70 years to this..." Steve joked and i let out a soft chuckle...

He looked behind him and pulled out of my parking spot and started driving home... I was going home...