Secrets

Chapter 40

"How?" I whispered and he looked at his feet... "Nat finally told me where you used to live..." He whispered and i sighed because i had already forgotten that she had been here to help me get some stuff... "Can i please come in..." He asks and i sigh...  but before i can even answer Peter appears... "No! you can't... You already ruined everything at the compound... Now you want to ruin everything here... You can't do that... You can't take this from me to..." Peter yelled at him...

"Peter..." I said looking at him worried... I motioned for Steve to get in because neighbors were coming out of their apartments to see what was going on... 

I closed the door and Peter looked at me with tears in his eyes... "Peter come here..." I said wrapping him in my arms... "Whatever happens you won't lose me... I will be in your live forever... Okay...?" I whisper and he nods clinging on to me for dear life... There was another knock on the door and i sighed letting Peter go and he got out of sight, seeing as he was in his suit... I opened the door accepted the pizza paying the guy before closing the door again... Bear had walked over to Steve begging for attention and Steve had gotten down to his level and was giving him scratches... 

"Do you want to stay for dinner..." I asked and Steve looked at Peter... "If it is okay with Peter i dont want to cut into your time..." He whispered and Peter shrugged his shoulders... "Are you going to hurt her again..." He mumbled and Steve sighed... "Not intentionally kid..." He says... "He can stay..." Peter said moping a bit and i put the box with pizza down on the table... 

We all sat down, and it felt awkward... "How are you?" Steve asked and i shrugged my shoulders... "I am fine..." I murmured not wanting to get into it with Peter here... "How are you?" I asked and Steve shook his head... "Physically i am fine..." He murmurs... "Peter how is school? Still having problem with your biology homework...?" I ask just to not have silence... and he shakes his head... "I got an A on the paper you helped me with..." He said proudly and i smiled... "That is amazing Peter... Have you sent out applications for colleges yet...?"  I ask and he smiles... 

"MIT..." He said and his enthusiasm is contagious...  "MJ and Ned did to..." He says and i smile... "You are going to do amazing there..." I said and he sighed. "We have to get in first..." He mumbled and i smiled... "You will Peter dont worry... They are crazy if they dont... Right Steve?" I asked and he nodded and smiled... "Dont worry kid... You will get in... You and your friends are smart..." Steve said and Peter gave him a little smile. 

We filled the time with Peter talking about his school and friends and when the Pizza was gone, he said he needed to go home and crawled out the window leaving Bear staring at the window utterly confused to why someone would go out the window instead of the door... I put the box in the trash and sighed... There was no going back now... Steve was here... 

"So how are you really?" Steve asked and i sighed opening the fridge and taking two beers and handing him one... "I dont know Steve... I am hurt... My emotions are all over the map... I am happy you are safe... But i am also so angry... I thought we had said no secrets... I gave you a chance to come clean and you just doubled down... I dont think i can even explain how betrayed i feel..." I whisper deciding to just get it all out and he sighs... 

"I know... I was an idiot... But i want you to know it was never about trust..." He said and i sighed and walked to the couch and i sat down... "Can i..." He whispered pointing to the other side of the couch and i nodded... He sat down and i looked at him...

How can someone look like crap and yet look good... I thought to myself and i shook my head as all i wanted was to kiss him... "Then explain Steve..." I whisper and he takes in a deep breath... 

"I panicked... Everything i ever loved in life i lose... I fell for you the minute you stepped through the door... I panicked when we were told you were going to work with us... I was still with Sharon and yet my feelings for you hit me like a slap in the face... Well, my reaction was being an asshole... Then you got ran off the road and pulling you out unconscious... It made my feelings even stronger... We didn't know you had powers yet and i felt this urge to protect you." He said and i listened and let him talk...

"And even with your powers i feel the urge to protect you... The whole Campbell thing and then what happened after made it so clear... Then you showed up in that dress and it was like the whole world around me just disappeared... When i would look at Sharon i wished it was you..." He said and i smiled thinking about the time he confessed his love for me for the first time...

 "I couldn't pretend anymore so i told her it was over... She said you would pay for it... And then your room got trashed... She seemed to be able to get to you... And that scared me... As you know we have top notch security and she got around that... I was so relieved that she was reassigned... But the day after you went out with Nat rumors were going around that someone was going to try and take you when you were walking Bear..." He said taking in a deep breath for continuing...  

"And i know you can take care of yourself... But i was just scared that someone would take you from me and i wouldn't be able to find you... I know it was wrong of me... But i didn't want to scare you... And i became stupid and listened to Tony who kept saying buy her something nice she will wear all the time and I'll put GPS in it... I wanted to tell you... But the whole bracelet thing and God i dont know what i was thinking... I was scared and i still am... I can't lose you Cleo..." He said and sighed...

"It kills me to think that i might lose you due to my own stupidity... I can't sleep... The look in your eyes when you smashed the necklace haunts me... I hate life without you... And i know that it is unfair of me to ask... But please give me a chance to fix this..." He said taking my hand in his playing with my fingers... 

I was so confused... It sounded so logical and although not an excuse i could understand going crazy to protect the other... I had gone crazy to get him back... "I can understand all this Steve... But i am so scared... I let you in...  For the first time i didn't see my powers like a burden and i was happy i didn't have to hide anymore and i could be myself... For the first time i felt like i belonged..." I whisper and he looks at me... 

"You do belong with us... With me..." He whispers his eyes pleading with me and i could see he was so tired... It broke me and the urge to just cuddle up to him and sleep was getting stronger and stronger... I just wanted to give in... I wanted to feel safe in his arms again...  "Steve when was the last time you got some sleep..." I whisper and he shrugs his shoulders...  "Can't sleep every time i close my eyes i see you running away from me..." He murmured and i sighed... "Steve i want to fix this trust me i do... I just dont know how... I am scared to give in... I am scared that i will get hurt again..." I whisper... 

"Cleo... I promise you i will never... Never will i go behind your back again... You can look in my head whenever you want... I dont care i will have no more secrets... I just need you... Nothing feels right without you... I miss your smile... I miss having you in my arms... I miss that i can relax and that feeling there is more to life than the Avengers... I miss your smell and the way it calms me..." He says taking my hand and putting it on his cheek... "Just look for yourself..." He whispered and i chuckled... "That is not how it works Steve..." I said and i let myself have a little glimpse and i could feel the pain and guilt... I could feel his exhaustion... Steve never needed much sleep but i could see that he had barely slept... 

"I dont make promises... It is going to take time... But i must admit that i miss you to... It feels wrong being apart... But i dont think i can just jump back in..." I whisper... Steve was fighting a yawn and that was the moment i decided that we both needed this so i stood up and took his hand and led him to the bedroom... "We are just going to sleep... No funny business..." I whisper and Steve looks at me with a small smile on his face and gave me a small nod... "Whatever you want princess..." He whispered and i wrapped my arms around his waist and laid my head on his chest letting down a big sigh as my body gave in and finally relaxed... 

When we broke apart, we crawled into bed and i cuddled into Steve and we both relaxed into each other, and both quickly fell asleep...